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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

512 replies

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:15

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

OP posts:
HeadDeskHeadDesk · 21/09/2025 15:19

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:24

My parents aren’t here. I wouldn’t make him live with the in-laws for weeks at a time. They are abroad at the moment.

Ok, so that's even weirder. What is the point of being there if they aren't doing all the heavy lifting for you? I thought that was the whole point of it, so that you could relax. Confused

Why can you relax more by being alone in your parents' house than in your own home? And how can it be easier to arrange a home birth there, with the right support when the time comes, if it's not the area where you usually live?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 21/09/2025 15:19

Yeah I think its just that it isnt home op xx

NamelessNancy · 21/09/2025 15:20

As I said upthread it wouldn't be for me but it's not impossible for me to imagine why someone else would plan this. Perhaps OP's parents home feels much more private for the birth than her own. Perhaps there's space there for a birthing pool and OP's place is not suitable. Lots of possible reasons. Equally it's totally reasonable for the DP to feel out of place for the moment.

Owly11 · 21/09/2025 15:21

I don’t think it’s very relaxing to stay in someone else’s home. I would be bored and fed up too. You made a request and he complied and it sounds like he’s not making a fuss about it. But you are being unreasonable if you are insisting that he also enjoy it it as much as you.

SwanRivers · 21/09/2025 15:22

It sounds as though the holiday may have been booked last year and OP agreed to housesit/petsit.

Then she got pregnant and is now trying to sell it to her husband as 'special time'?

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 21/09/2025 15:22

He sounds bored out of his brain. Blokes don't think about 'couple time together.' 😆

Haveaproperty · 21/09/2025 15:23

The last few weeks of pregnancy are pretty boring tbh. I was bored and I was the pregnant one. You can't do an awful lot, just waiting and pottering about. Boring. Couple that with being stuck out in the country, double boring.
Why don't you have an honest conversation with him and see if you both want to go back home?
Honestly, you will have years of 'special stuck indoors time' ahead. These are your last few weeks of actual freedom.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 15:23

SwanRivers · 21/09/2025 15:22

It sounds as though the holiday may have been booked last year and OP agreed to housesit/petsit.

Then she got pregnant and is now trying to sell it to her husband as 'special time'?

Goodness that’s quite a read

monicagellerbing · 21/09/2025 15:24

Good god OP are you trying to live in a romantic novel

Arlanymor · 21/09/2025 15:25

She’s having a babymoon (I believe that’s the ghastly term) at her parent’s house while they are away. Her home birth will be in her own house. I’m not sure that leaving your home set up so close to your due date is sensible, but for all I know it’s just down the road from your own home. I think if it were me I would be bored - what is there to do in their house that you can’t do in your own? He’s gone along with it to please you - but you can’t magically make him enjoy it.

NamelessNancy · 21/09/2025 15:25

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 21/09/2025 15:22

He sounds bored out of his brain. Blokes don't think about 'couple time together.' 😆

I dunno, doesn't the average man seem to think about "special time" quite a lot?!

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 21/09/2025 15:26

I would feel really stressed and on edge staying at my ILs' house for an extended period of time, especially with a huge event like a baby being born. I think it's very normal that he would be feeling bored and stressed. I'm sure he would rather be at home - it's good that he is going along with the plan but I wouldn't expect him to be loving it

WallaceinAnderland · 21/09/2025 15:26

Surely your own home is more relaxing than staying in someone else's? Just go home and enjoy yourselves there.

Hardhaton1 · 21/09/2025 15:26

I don’t think we can expect the OP back 🤣🤣

Whaleandsnail6 · 21/09/2025 15:27

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/09/2025 15:04

But why is everyone all so ‘of course he’s bored out of his brains’? Ignore the pregnancy, they went to the parents place at 39 weeks, she’d have mentioned if she’s a week overdue- who doesn’t expect their husband to be able to spend a few evenings in their company without being bored? Yes without their own friends and hobbies right there to entertain them, I don’t know anyone who doesnt expect this of their dh. Why even marry someone if you can’t do that??

Without my normal day to day routine, or on a holiday where we are going out new places etc, in all honesty me and probably dh would most likely be bored of just each others company for more than a few days.

We have been happily married for nearly 20 years so I don't think this puts puts our relationship in a bad light!

Acatinthehat · 21/09/2025 15:27

ThisAmberOrca · 21/09/2025 14:19

It would be my idea of hell. i would do it for my partner (and he’s doing it for you!), but i wouldn’t enjoy it at all. especially just before a baby arrives- you will have years of spending at home (babysitters are incredibly expensive)

This is a really good point! Before I gave birth I was going to the cinema, going to pubs (obvs not drinking but allowing DH to), seeing friends as much as possible, going out for food etc. You will be doing what you are doing now after the baby arrives and trust me, it can get a bit boring! If you still have time go out and enjoy your freedom before baby comes xx

WFHforevermore · 21/09/2025 15:28

Sounds very controlling of you, especially checking his messages.

MaybeIf · 21/09/2025 15:29

Acatinthehat · 21/09/2025 15:27

This is a really good point! Before I gave birth I was going to the cinema, going to pubs (obvs not drinking but allowing DH to), seeing friends as much as possible, going out for food etc. You will be doing what you are doing now after the baby arrives and trust me, it can get a bit boring! If you still have time go out and enjoy your freedom before baby comes xx

Show quote history

That’s what we did after I went on mat leave! It was lovely.

boberto88 · 21/09/2025 15:29

I’d be bored as fuck too

PigletJohn · 21/09/2025 15:29

Staying in the house you grew up in is one thing.

Staying in the house somebody else grew up in is quite different.

outerspacepotato · 21/09/2025 15:30

It's someone else's home, not his and he's not comfortable there. And it's your parents home, not just a hotel or someplace where he could actually relax. A home birth at someone else's home? Geez, I don't blame him at all. Sounds hellish to me.

susiedaisy1912 · 21/09/2025 15:30

I get that you wanted a week in the countryside if you live in the city. But I would get yourself home and enjoy going out for some meals, going to the cinema, seeing friends etc before the chaos of having a newborn.

Zucker · 21/09/2025 15:31

Do you both have plans of things to do in this special "us" time or is it more of a gaze deeply into each others eyes talking endlessly about feelings?

Coconutter24 · 21/09/2025 15:32

But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.

How did all the messages come up when he was trying to connect to Bluetooth? Or did you look through his phone and see them? Also why do you mention he was talking to a female family member then put and her DH in brackets, so he was talking to them both?

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 15:33

Coconutter24 · 21/09/2025 15:32

But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.

How did all the messages come up when he was trying to connect to Bluetooth? Or did you look through his phone and see them? Also why do you mention he was talking to a female family member then put and her DH in brackets, so he was talking to them both?

The op never clarified that

and we shall never know!