DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

[LaniJen]

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

I wouldn't have thought this was an average sort of arrangement OP. Most couples don't decamp somewhere else for "me" time before the baby arrives and why would you want to give birth at your parents' house? Quite frankly it all sounds suffocatingly twee and rather enmeshed. I imagine your DH would far prefer to be at home with all his familiar comforts and "things". I also imagine that he might not be as super duper excited about your parents' involvement as you are. Personally I think it sounds rather hellish and a tad embarrassing for him.

For all we know OPs parents could be Lord and Lady Heatherington and all first born grandchildren are born at the family pile. So maybe it’s her normal?

I'm not surprised.
He's tagging along and realising he will be,
for a very long time.

I mean if you had no idea and only found out through reading a text then he’s at least being respectful enough to not show it.

I always feel a bit strange and bored in other people's home, even on holidays.

This sounds utterly suffocating. Poor man. We’re currently staying with the in laws every other weekend for a variety of reasons and even when they’re not there, I don’t feel relaxed, because however nice it is, it’s not my home. You really need to chill out @LaniJen

That's very odd, quite creepy, and given the fact that 28 billion women on the planet are pregnant right now, stop over-romanticising it. If you don't stop farting your husband about, he will leave, though probably not immediately. What's wrong with your own home? What's the hidden agenda?

Sounds all to smushy babyish for me.
You lost me at special time what in someone else's home no thanks.
Sounds like hes just a tag on and your having baby Jesus.
Princess vibes.

Mills and boon is a book op.

I wouldn't want to spend weeks at my in-laws when I could be in my own home either - the fact that they aren't home wouldn't really make a difference.

As a grown woman, I think I’d just like to be in my own home.

But not his, so he’s bored 🤷🏻‍♀️

People are so fucking mean on these threads, honestly.

OP, it sounds like you find your parents' home a special and relaxing place to be - I'm guessing it's in the countryside, where normally you live in the city? And you probably have a bit more space and quiet, hence arranging your home birth there.

I would just talk to your DH. Tell him you read his message and you're a bit sad that he's finding it dull. Maybe there is something you could do to make it more fun for him. Or maybe he is there because he loves you and wants you to have what you want, but it isn't really his thing. Either way, you should talk to him about it.

I can understand why you’d be upset but the main thing is he still doing it for you even though he’s not really enjoying it himself. I think you just need to talk to him.

I’m curious though as to why the place that you chose to relax and connect with your husband is your parents house.

Is there some reason you don’t feel comfortable at home?

What’s the plan for when the baby arrives, are you planning on remaining in your parents home for a while?

It all sounds very odd. So you’ve decamped to your childhood home in country to give birth? He’s there working. But presumably is missing all his usual hobbies and friends. Seems odd decision, you might be there 3 weeks.

How odd? The whole 'special time' is rather cringe and he probably feels bored shitless in his partners parents house, away from home. Form his perspective, what on earth is 'special' about that??

I would hate for someone to use my house for their birth. The blood and mess too! Will your parents be back when you give birth? I don't know what's weirder, them being there or them being away!

go home!!

As other posters have already asked OP…why in god’s name are you not doing this in YOUR OWN HOME??

This sounds insane to me! I’d have hated not being in my own home just before giving birth…what were you even thinking ffs???

Team DH here!

Eh?

If it's something you agreed and he knew what it would entail then I think you're well within your rights to feel disappointed. It doesn't sound shit, it's not shit for you, and that's important. It's something you felt you needed and now you've found out that the connection you felt you were getting wasn't really an honest one.

I'm sure a grown man can cope with being away from home for a week, the way people are going you'd think you were making him sleep in the shed.

YABU to be upset that someone else does not feel exactly the same as you.

I love these replies! Making me laugh… but at the same time, feeling a little sorry for op! Doubt she’ll be back!

He runs his own business and employs people. Hi is an alpha male. You cannot turn him down. That's what will support you and baby in the future..
I understand your choice of a larger place to give birth.

I understand what you had in mind and why. But I think it’s like when people talk about ‘quality time with the kids’, this is experienced quite differently by everyone involved. Nothing wrong in that and it doesn’t mean the love isn’t there but just a reality. Hope you’re doing ok x

"Special time" sounds a bit cringy to me. And maybe a bit self-indulgent. Sorry. When I was expecting mine we just got on with life - working, paying the mortgage etc. What "special" things were you expecting?

I am not clear why you are in your parents' home already.

I can understand that your OH finds it a bit boring and feels like someone tagging along to your life.

This comment says far more about you than the OP.

I think it's fine OP, don't worry. So he's a bit bored. You're the one soon to give birth and it sounds like you're in the right place for you.