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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

512 replies

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:15

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 21/09/2025 14:39

Holiday cottage somewhere different? Maybe.
The IL’s? No, not for me either.

LondonLady1980 · 21/09/2025 14:40

I'm confused.

What can you do at your parents home that you can't do at your own?

I'd have thought being away from home at 39 weeks is the last thing you'd want?
What if you went into labour?

(however, I'm also confused about where the home birth is meant to be happening?)

MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/09/2025 14:42

Before you were pregnant when the two of you had time off together how would you spend it? If you would spend it somewhere away from it all cooking, chatting and watching TV but he’s no longer enjoying those things with you then yes, I would probably feel a bit worried something was missing from the relationship. If you were more likely to spend time off together going out to places and spending time in the city or away from the house then I wouldn’t be upset, if he usually enjoys being busy then of course a week doing nothing in someone else’s home is going to feel a bit boring. It sounds like you’ve decided how you want to spend your last week as a childfree couple and he’s gone along with it but if his idea of enjoying your last childfree week together would have been enjoying the last chance to go to a restaurant or a museum or the pub or the cinema etc together you can’t blame him for being bored.

Juiceinacup · 21/09/2025 14:43

Be reassured that he must really care about you to go along with this bizarre set up, he’s trying to work and now you are trying to police his feelings. This is real life not a soppy American film where you retreat to your teenage bedroom, with old pop star posters on your wall, at major life points.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:45

Juiceinacup · 21/09/2025 14:43

Be reassured that he must really care about you to go along with this bizarre set up, he’s trying to work and now you are trying to police his feelings. This is real life not a soppy American film where you retreat to your teenage bedroom, with old pop star posters on your wall, at major life points.

Or felt cornered

RoseGlass7 · 21/09/2025 14:45

I wouldn't find this at all relaxing if I were him. I can understand you enjoying it though. Can you smile and head home early, now that you realise he's not enjoying it?

howshouldibehave · 21/09/2025 14:45

How bizarre-why don't you just stay in your own home and relax?!

I presume he thinks it's a bonkers idea but is doing it to try to keep you happy. Doesn't mean he wants to be there though. I'd much rather be at home.

Megifer · 21/09/2025 14:46

BerkoFilter · 21/09/2025 14:38

Do you parents have a luxurious romantic house? In a lovely location?

I dont know why but im picturing somewhere like Ferris Buellers mate Fry's house.

Or like you get in horror films where its people padding around the house in cashmere socks and oversized shirts and shorts, sipping coffee while waiting for the popcorn to cook....then the phone rings.....

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/09/2025 14:47

RoseGlass7 · 21/09/2025 14:45

I wouldn't find this at all relaxing if I were him. I can understand you enjoying it though. Can you smile and head home early, now that you realise he's not enjoying it?

IF it really is that she's sorted having a home birth at her parents' house (rather than her own home), that might complicate a return - but please correct me if it's relatively easy, as I have no experience of any sort of birth!

caringcarer · 21/09/2025 14:47

I wanted to get out before babies were born knowing if be in the house more afterwards. Sounds like your DH would be more comfortable in his own home rather than at in-laws home.

popcornandpotatoes · 21/09/2025 14:47

Where does op say she's giving birth there?

jonthebatiste · 21/09/2025 14:48

My DH’s parents live in a nice (objectively) house in the country. He loves going there. It bores me to tears, whether they’re there or not. I can never properly relax because it’s not my house, there’s nothing to do, nowhere to go, I can’t treat it as my home the way DH can, and I feel so claustrophobic I want to scream and run away. Can you tell I’m feeling your DH here 😂

LondonLady1980 · 21/09/2025 14:49

popcornandpotatoes · 21/09/2025 14:47

Where does op say she's giving birth there?

"Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there."

Starlight7080 · 21/09/2025 14:49

But what can he do whist staying at your parents? Its like a holiday but not . Sounds like a bank holiday weekend stuck indoors that drags on and on.
How much can you really cook and chat?
What if you dont go in to natural labour till 42 weeks ?
He has a right to be bored. So long as he is being nice and helpful to you then his feelings are normal .

CelestialGazer · 21/09/2025 14:49

Shitmonger · 21/09/2025 14:31

we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd to want to give birth in your parents’ home?

Nope. That’s well strange. Sounds like the OP is closer to her parents than her DH. The whole thing feels very weird to me, and I can imagine he is not only bored but a bit fed up with his DW feeling that Mummy and Daddy’s home is her preferred place to give birth.

SouthernBelle21 · 21/09/2025 14:50

You're at home, he's not. He will feel like a guest, you're in the place you probably feel most comfortable of all.

The thing to take from this is that even though it's not what he really wants to do, he's still doing it, because you want to!!

It's also quite weird to go to your parents' house to give birth to be honest, but we'll park that for now..

Whaleandsnail6 · 21/09/2025 14:50

I think you need to accept that he is finding it a bit boring and not be offended by that

He is away from his usual routine amd probably usual past times if you are away in the country and not in your own home.

Don't take it personally, different people like different levels of activity...one day of chilling out at home is enough for me, even with the best company ever

Quandri · 21/09/2025 14:50

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:24

My parents aren’t here. I wouldn’t make him live with the in-laws for weeks at a time. They are abroad at the moment.

It’s still your family home. Your parents home. It’s not his home. I’d hate this.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:50

The logistics of having a home birth at your parents I am curious about

When presumably you have had all your midwife and hospital appointments in your own area…. And they surely won’t travel miles out to the country.

Op… are you going with a private doula or midwife?

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 21/09/2025 14:51

If you have had to go home (aka your parents) to roost them I’m concerned for you once that baby arrived. You should be prepping in your own family home not a childhood home.

User987439 · 21/09/2025 14:51

Sorry to be brutally honest but him being bored instead of "enjoying the time before everything changes" means he has no idea how much is actually going to change. He probably feels holed up in a house he doesn't feel comfortable in without even realising that a bomb is going to detonate in his life. Once the baby is here, he won't even have the luxury of being bored. If he can't handle being in a different house for a few days, then he doesn't sound like the sort of man who can pull his weight with a new baby for very long.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:51

CelestialGazer · 21/09/2025 14:49

Nope. That’s well strange. Sounds like the OP is closer to her parents than her DH. The whole thing feels very weird to me, and I can imagine he is not only bored but a bit fed up with his DW feeling that Mummy and Daddy’s home is her preferred place to give birth.

Show quote history

Well if she is closer to parents, then an additional oddness is them being away!!

Topseyt123 · 21/09/2025 14:53

popcornandpotatoes · 21/09/2025 14:47

Where does op say she's giving birth there?

In the very opening paragraph of her OP. She says all is set for a home birth there when referring to her parents' house.

Some have said that it was ambiguous, but to me that's what she said - giving birth at her parents' house.

Minnie798 · 21/09/2025 14:54

I'm puzzled as to why you want to be in someone else's home at 39+ weeks pregnant and give birth there.
Was it your idea to go to your parents home? I am guessing it was and it doesn't sound like it's working well for your dh.

Haveanaiceday · 21/09/2025 14:55

My theory based on just the posts from OP is that their normal home is maybe a city apartment in a big city, and the parents home is a nice country house so basically she wanted a relaxing holiday in a nice location before the baby is born. That sounds nice to me and I can understand why you thought your DH would enjoy it too. Of course you may not enjoy it as much now you know he is not happy. I'm not quite sure where the homebirth is set up, but if it's back in the city home, then I would probably just go back early.