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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP not enjoying our “Special time” before the baby arrives.

512 replies

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:15

Me and DP agreed in the early weeks of my pregnancy that we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there. I was really looking forward to this – time to just slow down, cook together, chat, and just enjoy being the two of us before everything changes.
DP can run his business remotely so it wasn’t an issue. I honestly thought we were having a lovely time.
But earlier, while trying to connect his phone to Bluetooth, I saw messages between him and a female family member (and her DH – they both work for his business). He was moaning about how bored he is here.
I feel a bit crushed. I thought this was a special time for us, but clearly he’s not feeling the same.
AIBU to be upset that he isn’t enjoying this “just us” time before the baby? Or do I need to accept that he might just find it boring, even if I don’t?

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 21/09/2025 14:32

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:29

this just got odder so he’s away from his own home and creature comforts, and kipping at his in laws, to cook and spend time together… when you could have just done that at home.

not like you’ll be hiking in the country

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It does sound like you’ve intentionally separated him from his whole network - friends, hobbies, however he usually spends his downtime so you can have him entirely to yourself.
How suffocated he must feel.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:32

Shitmonger · 21/09/2025 14:31

we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd to want to give birth in your parents’ home?

I think the op meant it’s sorted back in the city

PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice · 21/09/2025 14:32

I don’t get why you’re not in your own home? If I’m off work, I like to be in my own house where I all my things are and where I can potter about with things, unless of course I’m on holiday and actually out doing things. If I was just sitting around somewhere else, I’d be bored too.

Megifer · 21/09/2025 14:32

And how did you see the messages? Bluetooth on all my various phones have been completely separate from SMS, WhatsApp etc.

Deepbluesea1 · 21/09/2025 14:32

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:24

My parents aren’t here. I wouldn’t make him live with the in-laws for weeks at a time. They are abroad at the moment.

But why didn't you stay at home? It's very odd. Can you go home?

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2025 14:33

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:32

I think the op meant it’s sorted back in the city

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That’s not how it reads.

PinkyFlamingo · 21/09/2025 14:33

Why couldn't you chat, cook, relax etc in your own home?

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:34

KilkennyCats · 21/09/2025 14:33

That’s not how it reads.

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Either option is weird

if back in the city, you’d think at 39 weeks and wanting a home birth, you’d prefer to be at home!

ShesTheAlbatross · 21/09/2025 14:34

I don’t really understand why you’ve gone. You’ve had to pack, travel, you don’t have all your stuff, you’re having a home birth there so at some point will have to take the baby home? Having a home birth at someone else’s house and then having to go home sounds like a pain in the arse.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:35

I can’t have been the only one who in the last week sat most of the time in the nursery, whether doing laundry, watching Netflix or just folding and re folding!

ShesTheAlbatross · 21/09/2025 14:35

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:32

I think the op meant it’s sorted back in the city

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Surely not. No one goes to a different house at 39 weeks with the intention of having a home birth back at their own house. A big benefit of a home birth is not having to travel while in labour.

Bluevelvetsofa · 21/09/2025 14:35

I can’t understand why someone would want a home birth somewhere that’s not their home and I can’t understand why the owners of the house would want that when they aren’t there.

I think your partner would very much prefer to be in his own home.

78Summer · 21/09/2025 14:35

He probably is bored away from home.
A lesson not to read other’s private messages/thoughts. Rather like reading a diary.

VickyEadieofThigh · 21/09/2025 14:35

LaniJen · 21/09/2025 14:24

My parents aren’t here. I wouldn’t make him live with the in-laws for weeks at a time. They are abroad at the moment.

It makes no sense to me to be in someone else's home at this time rather than your own, however.

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:36

ShesTheAlbatross · 21/09/2025 14:35

Surely not. No one goes to a different house at 39 weeks with the intention of having a home birth back at their own house. A big benefit of a home birth is not having to travel while in labour.

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Very weird then

samarrange · 21/09/2025 14:36

Shitmonger · 21/09/2025 14:31

we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd to want to give birth in your parents’ home?

I'm old-fashioned enough to think it's odd to want to give birth anywhere else but a hospital, especially for a first birth, and especially "a little way out of the city". Our DGS was born by emergency caesarean last year we were very glad that DDIL was in a nice modern hospital when that became necessary, rather than an hour away by return ambulance ride.

OrangeAxolotyl · 21/09/2025 14:36

I agree with pp. I've no idea why you moved for the birth. Also, why do you want a home birth there?
Surely there will be a lot of upheaval when you return back home?

Thepossibility · 21/09/2025 14:37

Why did you think he would enjoy some special time in your parents house? It's a bit odd. He's humouring you going there because you are the pregnant one, but it's a little irrational to be hurt that he's not loving being at his in-laws house

NimbleDreamer · 21/09/2025 14:37

This sounds absolutely nuts. I can't think for the life of me why you're staying in your parents house to give birth while they're not even there. No wonder your DP is bored. He won't be able to relax in his own space at all.

BerkoFilter · 21/09/2025 14:38

Do you parents have a luxurious romantic house? In a lovely location?

Topseyt123 · 21/09/2025 14:39

Go home. To your own home. What's wrong with that? Do you hate your own home for some reason?

I'd never have wanted to give birth at my parents' house whether they were there or not! That seems very odd to me. I'd have been "nesting" in my own place, where the baby would actually be living once born.

Your DP probably feels very cut off at your parents' house. He might want to go home. I would.

MoveOnTheCards · 21/09/2025 14:39

Is it just me who thought OP was using “special time” as a twee way of talking about having sex?

Blappengrap · 21/09/2025 14:39

Shitmonger · 21/09/2025 14:31

we’d spend from 39 weeks onwards at my parents’ home, a little way out of the city, so I could relax before the baby arrived. Everything is sorted for a home birth there.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd to want to give birth in your parents’ home?

I think it's really odd, and I've had two home births!

LimeShaker · 21/09/2025 14:39

Aw sorry OP I found this quite funny. I think it is the hormonal nesting urge you have and he hasn’t - it’s a sweet idea but can see how the reality may be different. Hope the birth goes well x

Fruitlips · 21/09/2025 14:39

samarrange · 21/09/2025 14:36

I'm old-fashioned enough to think it's odd to want to give birth anywhere else but a hospital, especially for a first birth, and especially "a little way out of the city". Our DGS was born by emergency caesarean last year we were very glad that DDIL was in a nice modern hospital when that became necessary, rather than an hour away by return ambulance ride.

Edited
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I LOVED giving birth in a hospital!! Love all the machinery and medics and knowing that all immediately on hand if the shit hit the fan.

It didn’t thankfully but comfort knowing all there.

plus… I loved coming home as a three, and then a four.

but either way… to have a home birth at your parents, how have you managed that op? Presumably with private doula as your midwife won’t travel until your parents live close to you in the city?