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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend has accused me of being stingy.

233 replies

YourWorthyBee · 20/09/2025 19:23

My best friend left a relationship a year or so ago and got himself a new girlfriend a few months back. I am genuinely pleased for him as in his previous relationship he was cheated upon regularly but his new flame is really nice.
His new girlfriend has a son and it was recently his 21st. I was invited to the party. Having never met the boy before, I turned up with a bottle of prosecco and a card with £50 in it. My best friend told me that he was really disappointed in me and that I should have given more. I'm not exactly Jeff Bezos in terms of money and as I hadn't met the boy I thought I was doing good. AIBU?

OP posts:
LunchtimeNaps · 20/09/2025 22:24

Do you think he was being sarcastic but you've missed it?

BeMellowAquaSquid · 20/09/2025 22:24

He wouldn’t have got £50 from me.

HellEvenDorisDay · 20/09/2025 22:26

Kindly, OP, do you struggle with friendships or social interactions? I only ask because giving £50 to a person 2 steps removed from your relationship, who you have never met before, when you aren’t particularly well off is a bit odd. It was too generous for the circumstances. And for your friend to berate you over it suggests an imbalance in your relationship. Do you try to please others too much or make more effort without reciprocation? It doesn’t sound like your friend respects you and you are questioning your judgement. I’d find it difficult to stay friends after this.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/09/2025 22:29

Thats weird, I wouldn’t give anyone’s kid £50 on their 21st apart from my own.

Idontknownowwhat · 20/09/2025 22:30

£50 is super generous...this was someone you'd never met!

FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 22:38

£50 for a complete stranger? VERY generous.

What is he on about?

hadjustaboutenough · 20/09/2025 22:40

That's much more than I'd give a stranger, tbh! You were generous. Your friend needs to wake up to reality. No-one else cares enough about making a good impression on his new girlfriend to throw wads of cash at her son.

Don't allow him to shame you over a gift. That's terrible manners, no matter the circumstances, but especially given that you don't even know this adult child of his new girlfriend!

Jk987 · 20/09/2025 22:40

KittyHigham · 20/09/2025 19:30

Eh? What circles does he move in? I'd have just taken the bottle of prosecco.
But the whole thing is odd. Why would this 21 year old invite his mother's new boyfriend's friend to his 21st?

This is what I’d like to
know!

ArtfulPinkBird · 20/09/2025 22:41

£50 is unbelievably generous especially given this is a kid you don't even know. YANBU, maybe ask your friend what they were expecting you give a stranger at a party!

DoinFineIThink · 20/09/2025 22:44

YourWorthyBee · 20/09/2025 19:23

My best friend left a relationship a year or so ago and got himself a new girlfriend a few months back. I am genuinely pleased for him as in his previous relationship he was cheated upon regularly but his new flame is really nice.
His new girlfriend has a son and it was recently his 21st. I was invited to the party. Having never met the boy before, I turned up with a bottle of prosecco and a card with £50 in it. My best friend told me that he was really disappointed in me and that I should have given more. I'm not exactly Jeff Bezos in terms of money and as I hadn't met the boy I thought I was doing good. AIBU?

On what planet is that stingy?! Confused 🙄
Batshit.

bluevelvetears · 20/09/2025 22:45

He can swivel! He would have got a card with fizz only. You don't know him!

Maray1967 · 20/09/2025 22:51

Ponderingwindow · 20/09/2025 19:30

that is a level of cash at a birthday for a close family member to me. It’s not about the money exactly, I just don’t think gifts need to be extravagant. I only spend a lot of money if I am purchasing a specific item that I know the recipient will love.

Same here. We do £50 & champagne for DNs and GodDC, not for someone we’ve never met before!

PigletJohn · 20/09/2025 22:52

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 20/09/2025 19:25

How strange.

Is there any cultural expectation?

That's a very good point. I know in some cases people provide envelopes of money, or pin notes to a bride's dress, which the MiL sometimes pockets, and I would be completely out if my depth and take advice.

But in my culture, £50 to somebody you don't know would be more than generous.

When I invite people, I bear the cost and don't expect gifts of money from my guests.

CAMHShelp · 20/09/2025 22:54

Pancakeflipper · 20/09/2025 19:29

How does your friend know what you got the 21 yr old? Is it possible they saw only the processco and not the £50 ?

In my circles £50 for someone you've never met would be excessive.

I would assume this too. Unless you said it to your friend therefore he was sick of your boasting and said it was that much anyway

HaveItOffTilICough · 20/09/2025 22:55

NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 21:14

Was it a very flash party, sit down meal etc

Show quote history

How is that relevant?

Stravaig · 20/09/2025 23:00

Sounds like a red flag that your best friend's new relationship is going to be just as dodgy as his previous one.

Okiedokie123 · 20/09/2025 23:02

A card and £10 would be plenty imho. Your friend is being ridiculous.

Goldwren1923 · 20/09/2025 23:02

I earn quite a bit and I consider £50 quid a very generous present even to someone I know well!

arcticpandas · 20/09/2025 23:04

YourWorthyBee · 20/09/2025 21:05

Hi, thanks for your support. He did know the amount because he said "£50? I think you could have given him a bit more." TBH I am devastated by his reaction as we have been besties for 30 years+. As I said, I'm not rolling in cash. My wife and I get by, but like most people we have to watch what we do. Thanks again people for supporting me and letting me know that it isn't me.

Maybe this is him showing his true colours. It was bizarre to invite you to his gf's son's bday who you've never met so he probably did it thinking that you would give him a lot of money which would make him look good to his gf. But the fact is you were very generous! 50 is what I would spend on a family member !

I think it's time to think about this friendship- it does sound like you're a cash cow to your friend.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/09/2025 23:13

Did he realise that you’d put £50 in the card?

If he did know, then he’s being exceedingly unreasonable.

babyproblems · 20/09/2025 23:13

More thanks have given!! You’ve never even met them. I’d probably just have bought the fizz and a nice card..!!

Alexandrine · 20/09/2025 23:14

Like other posters, £50 is immediate family member gift money to me. Everyone else usually gets £10- £20ish spent on them, (depending on their age or if they have shelled out for a party).

I’m assuming you must both be on high six figure salaries for him to have expected you should have given more. But even so, I think you have been more than generous, especially considering you had never met the lad before!

Reebokker · 20/09/2025 23:18

£50 + wine is hugely kind & generous of you. Your friend is mad to expect more. Pay him no attention & know from MN you’ve gone above & beyond for his new gf son. Your friend is ridiculous.

kkloo · 20/09/2025 23:20

YourWorthyBee · 20/09/2025 21:05

Hi, thanks for your support. He did know the amount because he said "£50? I think you could have given him a bit more." TBH I am devastated by his reaction as we have been besties for 30 years+. As I said, I'm not rolling in cash. My wife and I get by, but like most people we have to watch what we do. Thanks again people for supporting me and letting me know that it isn't me.

What did you respond back to him?

LikeStrawberriesAndCream · 20/09/2025 23:29

Incredibly generous!