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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend has accused me of being stingy.

233 replies

YourWorthyBee · 20/09/2025 19:23

My best friend left a relationship a year or so ago and got himself a new girlfriend a few months back. I am genuinely pleased for him as in his previous relationship he was cheated upon regularly but his new flame is really nice.
His new girlfriend has a son and it was recently his 21st. I was invited to the party. Having never met the boy before, I turned up with a bottle of prosecco and a card with £50 in it. My best friend told me that he was really disappointed in me and that I should have given more. I'm not exactly Jeff Bezos in terms of money and as I hadn't met the boy I thought I was doing good. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
YourWorthyBee · 20/09/2025 21:05

Hi, thanks for your support. He did know the amount because he said "£50? I think you could have given him a bit more." TBH I am devastated by his reaction as we have been besties for 30 years+. As I said, I'm not rolling in cash. My wife and I get by, but like most people we have to watch what we do. Thanks again people for supporting me and letting me know that it isn't me.

OP posts:
NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 21:14

YourWorthyBee · 20/09/2025 21:05

Hi, thanks for your support. He did know the amount because he said "£50? I think you could have given him a bit more." TBH I am devastated by his reaction as we have been besties for 30 years+. As I said, I'm not rolling in cash. My wife and I get by, but like most people we have to watch what we do. Thanks again people for supporting me and letting me know that it isn't me.

Was it a very flash party, sit down meal etc

Owly11 · 20/09/2025 21:19

Wtf? I don’t even give my best friend £50 let alone the child of my friend’s partner that I have never met. I probably would have just taken a bottle.

smallpinecone · 20/09/2025 21:20

That’s an amazingly generous gift! Who wouldn’t be thrilled with that?!

Pemba · 20/09/2025 21:30

Actually I just gave my (adult) niece £50 for her birthday (not a special one though), and didnt think I was being stingy, I used to give £25 up until a few years ago. And she appreciates it!

I would have given more for a special birthday, BUT that's because she's my niece that I've known her whole life. Obviously.

Cherryicecreamx · 20/09/2025 21:47

I think a tenner in a card should have been enough! You hadn't even met the boy.. CF

pictoosh · 20/09/2025 21:53

Whaaaat?!

How bloody cheeky.

Offloadontome · 20/09/2025 21:53

Are you sure he knows you gave him £50 as well as just the prosecco?

TomatoSandwiches · 20/09/2025 21:56

Did he say that to you in private or infront of his new lady friend? Does he feel a bit inadequate and projecting it on to you? Not that it's acceptable, just trying to understand such rudeness.

whynotwhatknot · 20/09/2025 22:00

wtf i would have got a card and maybe a small present-i gave my newphew 50 fdoe his birthday i dont give that generally

youve never even met him

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/09/2025 22:01

Unless you’re very rich £50 is more than generous. Even if it wasn’t, he was extremely rude. Is he normally like this? He doesn’t sound like a great friend to be honest.

deirdrerasheed · 20/09/2025 22:01

Down right nasty op. Sorry.

HiCandles · 20/09/2025 22:03

Bloody hell what a greedy so and so. I wouldn't have taken any cash at all tbh, just a bottle of under £10 fizz and a card. I'd assume the invitation extending as far as you meant a very big, casual, anyone who wants to turn up can do, type of 21st, rather than a formally invited event like a wedding.
What kind of presents have you given your best friend in the past? Is his new girlfriend really wealthy and he's trying desperately to match her lifestyle?

Katemax82 · 20/09/2025 22:07

My mum didn't spend nearly that much on me for my 21st!

Bjorkdidit · 20/09/2025 22:08

How utterly bizarre. In what universe is £50 and a bottle of prosecco a stingy gift for a stranger?

The prosecco without the cash is generous enough for someone you've never met.

I wouldn't be devastated about this - when people think something as ridiculous as calling your generous gift stingy then their opinion isn't worth giving headspace to.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 20/09/2025 22:14

This is beyond rude and ungrateful. Cheeky fucker.

Grammarnut · 20/09/2025 22:15

That was a generous gift. I would not have given so much for a person I had never met. (Also, accidentally voted you are being unreasonable, sorry about that!).

Grammarnut · 20/09/2025 22:16

NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 21:14

Was it a very flash party, sit down meal etc

Show quote history

How flash the party was is irrelevant. £50 is the amount I would give a grandchild - not a friend's girlfriend's DC I don't know.

ThankYouNigel · 20/09/2025 22:18

YANBU. That’s a very generous gift. I would have been pleased with just the card and bottle. It’s not someone you know well, you were showing support to your friend by prioritising attending this event.

nomas · 20/09/2025 22:19

YourWorthyBee · 20/09/2025 21:05

Hi, thanks for your support. He did know the amount because he said "£50? I think you could have given him a bit more." TBH I am devastated by his reaction as we have been besties for 30 years+. As I said, I'm not rolling in cash. My wife and I get by, but like most people we have to watch what we do. Thanks again people for supporting me and letting me know that it isn't me.

Your friend is awful. Sounds like he wanted to present an image that his friends are flash with cash.

I hope you don’t do birthday and Christmas presents exchanges with him, but if you do, how much does he spend on you on your birthday?

Crazycatladywithnocats · 20/09/2025 22:20

Your friend’s reaction is completely ridiculous. You went above and beyond with generosity for a boy you’ve never met before. What did this friend give him that was so expensively appropriate?

Strawberry53 · 20/09/2025 22:21

I would say that is overly generous for somebody you don’t know well and haven’t ever met before! Honestly I’d say the bottle of fizz would have been more than generous on its own. Sounds like your friend might be feeling anxious about bonding/ making a good impression with the son and is taking that out on you with that dig - completely unfair of him but I imagine that may be where it’s coming from as he sees you as representing his side in some way. Basically it is about him not you so I would try to just let it go on this occasion and not let it bother you. But if it happens again do your best to stand up for yourself as it’s really not fair or ok to make you feel bad when you were very generous!

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/09/2025 22:22

I would have just given the prosecco!

Sounds like billy big bollocks is trying to impress his new squeeze, probably said "Oh all of my friends will give him big cash gifts"

Tbh, I dont even understand why you were invited! I very much doubt that the birthday boy in question would have known or cared if you were there or not! Has "best friend" explained why he invited you?

MeganM3 · 20/09/2025 22:22

Is this a cultural thing some of us don’t understand?
it’s not normal to give something £50 for their bday if you don’t know them. That said, also not normal to attend the bday party.

NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 22:22

Grammarnut · 20/09/2025 22:16

How flash the party was is irrelevant. £50 is the amount I would give a grandchild - not a friend's girlfriend's DC I don't know.

Edited
Show quote history

Some would not agree