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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel angrey after Holland Park School open morning?

288 replies

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:07

I’m viewing a few secondary schools at the moment. We’ve seen some private ones (sadly not an option unless DD gets a huge bursary). Yesterday I went to see Holland Park School — which has always felt like our safest option since we live very close — but came out devastated and rather angry.

Yes, the grounds are gorgeous, with a shiny, modern building, a new sports pitch, and spacious classrooms with lovely views over Holland Park. But the atmosphere? Absolutely grim. The classrooms were deadly quiet — no energy, no spark, no laughter, no questions, no enthusiasm.

Alright, I guess that’s fine in maths or English, but even in drama, music, and art… in art, the children were like in a traditional exam setting, sitting at their desks, copying a dull sketch from the screen in complete silence, while the teacher walked around peering over their shoulders. I couldn’t sense a shred of creativity, joy, or curiosity in that room. It felt almost like a military camp. Even the bell sounded like a fire alarm — the sort you see in American prisons in films.

When I asked students what they loved about the school, they couldn’t answer. I rephrased and asked what was one thing they were excited about coming to school, but they seemed unsure. What they were actually excited to talk about was “refocus rooms,” detention room, and punishments. They really wanted us to see the detention room which was on the ground floor, a dark space with heavy black curtains where you’re sent for forgetting your planner, doodling in a workbook, wearing the wrong colour socks, missing a part of your uniform, or being two minutes late. This lovely, polite girl said she had already been there twice this year - once for doodling because she got carried away 'in a boring lesson' and another for forgetting her planner, which they have to carry with them at all times.

I went in Soviet school and honestly, even they didn’t have detention rooms. If anyone misbehaved, they would do extra fitness classes or some do some gardening and cleaning for school grounds, and parents were called in. I’m not saying that was better by any means, but honestly — how the hell have we normalised this? What are we thinking as a society, treating children like inmates inside schools, and then acting shocked when they go wild on the streets after being in this prison-like environment all day long?

All I want is a normal, happy school for my child. Is that too much to ask? And do I have to pay £30k a year to avoid this 'military silence + constant detentions'? Is that what we call a good education in the 21st century? I couldn’t stop thinking: what kind of young people will come out of this school environment — happy, curious, caring, loving, creative, enthusiastic and empathetic?

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 20/09/2025 18:10

It’s just not the school you want for your child. They won’t all be the same.

dontdoitkatiekins · 20/09/2025 18:16

IME all academies are like this. It is really sad

Hysterectomynext · 20/09/2025 18:16

They’ve had a lot of difficulties recently so maybe keep looking around. Lots of people can’t afford private school. But even if you do go that route you will find children get detentions for lateness/ forgetting planner etc.

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 20/09/2025 18:17

'Devastated and angry' is a bit much.

Plus most kids feel awkward when strangers visit their class and tend to dislike being quizzed by them.

Have a look and see if there are any Facebook/other SM groups you can look at, to find out what parents are saying.

clotheslinefiasco · 20/09/2025 18:18

It's amazing you've gleaned all that from one walk round the school.

How many pupils all together there?

I can't quite believe it's that bad

Barrenfieldoffucks · 20/09/2025 18:18

Devastated and angry? By a school not being what you want it to be? What a strange reaction.

Jeschara · 20/09/2025 18:18

I would like a calm place for children to learn. Mine are older and not school age anymore. I chose a grammar for one, who was very academic, and a strict full uniform school for the other, both loved their schools.
Different strokes, different folks. Why are you angry? Choose the school that suits your child and put your energy there.

Trickabrick · 20/09/2025 18:19

Your reaction is a bit odd. You viewed a school and didn’t like it, so keep looking and choose another one 🤷🏻‍♀️

Girasoli · 20/09/2025 18:21

I'd ask the parents of DDs friends with older siblings for their views of local secondary schools.
DS1 is in year 5 and I've been getting a lot of information that way.

FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 18:21

You don't like it, don't send your child there.

stichguru · 20/09/2025 18:21

This seems odd. You are looking at schools for your child, the one you looked round wasn't the one for them. Unless it was the state school that they will likely get a place at if they don't get one elsewhere, which I don't think it is, there's no real problem!

FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 18:22

dontdoitkatiekins · 20/09/2025 18:16

IME all academies are like this. It is really sad

which academy have you seen? I only visited a few, but was pleasantly surprised by the ones I have seen.

I have never been to Holland Park, but would love to have a look around, I bet I would not have anywhere near the same impression as the OP.

It's so extreme I don't buy it 😂

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:23

Hysterectomynext · 20/09/2025 18:16

They’ve had a lot of difficulties recently so maybe keep looking around. Lots of people can’t afford private school. But even if you do go that route you will find children get detentions for lateness/ forgetting planner etc.

That's my point: how on earth have we normalised these detention rooms? I don’t know how they are designed in other schools, and I realised I had never actually asked to see one. It was just that yesterday thesw kids really wanted us to go there, while we were quite reluctant, and I can’t be thankful enough for that. I always thought it was just another normal room, or even a library where they could read a book. I could never have imagined it was such a dark, black room.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 20/09/2025 18:23

Which other secondary schools have you viewed locally?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 20/09/2025 18:25

FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 18:21

You don't like it, don't send your child there.

Although sometimes you don't get much choice. Very grateful that mine have been at schools which, while strict have had some humanity too.

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:26

Barrenfieldoffucks · 20/09/2025 18:18

Devastated and angry? By a school not being what you want it to be? What a strange reaction.

And do you really think having this dark detention room is normal? - this is exactly where I see the problem.

OP posts:
FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 18:28

I just looked at their website, looks like a normal school. There are so many windows, I bet they do need black curtains, it's like a fish bowl 😂

I haven't seen many school mentioning sports bra for PE, which is not unreasonable at all, just didn't appear in the schools I have seen, apart from that?

ScurryfungeSpuddle · 20/09/2025 18:29

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:23

That's my point: how on earth have we normalised these detention rooms? I don’t know how they are designed in other schools, and I realised I had never actually asked to see one. It was just that yesterday thesw kids really wanted us to go there, while we were quite reluctant, and I can’t be thankful enough for that. I always thought it was just another normal room, or even a library where they could read a book. I could never have imagined it was such a dark, black room.

how on earth have we normalised these detention rooms?

They became normalised around the same time parents stopped backing the teachers, and started to complain about every little punishment Jeremy and Jemima got, no matter how bad their behaviour was.

Laserwho · 20/09/2025 18:30

I don't magine the kids aren't acting normally due to people crowding the classrooms while they are trying to work. It carnt be much fun for teachers either having their classrooms invaded. I recommend evening open the events. Take your child, the teachers will be able to talk to you instead of teaching and some pupils will show you round and answer questions. There will also be activities in the subject areas your child can involved in.

Fearfulsaints · 20/09/2025 18:30

I dont know the area, but it is sad when your closest school isn't one you like the vision or ethos for. I sounds like you live on area with a choice, but lots of us realistically one have one option. Home school isn't a realistic alternative.

I dont mind quiet classrooms - even art a lot of people will be in the zone and want quiet. But it can be taken to the extreme.

I dont mind a detention room either, but not if its made to feel horrible. The time is supposed to be the punishment, not the environment

Ohmygodnotnow · 20/09/2025 18:31

You should have a look at the current thread about why teachers are leaving the profession. Behaviour is the no 1 concern before parents and lack of funding for SEND. My dc has just started school in a place where discipline and high expectations are foremost and I'm fine with that. I'd much rather see calm, quiet focus that a class of kids running riot and swearing at the teacher.

FancyQuoter · 20/09/2025 18:31

If anyone misbehaved, they would do extra fitness classes or some do some gardening and cleaning for school grounds

that would be called abuse by so many parents in this country 😂

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:32

Jeschara · 20/09/2025 18:18

I would like a calm place for children to learn. Mine are older and not school age anymore. I chose a grammar for one, who was very academic, and a strict full uniform school for the other, both loved their schools.
Different strokes, different folks. Why are you angry? Choose the school that suits your child and put your energy there.

I’m angry because I don’t have many options. I don’t know where you are, but we don’t have grammar schools here, and out of six secondary schools in the borough, I realistically have a chance at only two, as I don’t belong to the Catholic Church or Church of England.

OP posts:
RoosterPotato · 20/09/2025 18:32

I think a ‘refocus room’ is deliberately designed to have nothing that could be stimulating and allow children to refocus, especially if they have sensory overload/ may be neurodivergent.

Butterflybum · 20/09/2025 18:33

I’ve not been there but agree that it sounds grim.
It also sounds very much like the academy schools that we visited.