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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel angrey after Holland Park School open morning?

288 replies

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:07

I’m viewing a few secondary schools at the moment. We’ve seen some private ones (sadly not an option unless DD gets a huge bursary). Yesterday I went to see Holland Park School — which has always felt like our safest option since we live very close — but came out devastated and rather angry.

Yes, the grounds are gorgeous, with a shiny, modern building, a new sports pitch, and spacious classrooms with lovely views over Holland Park. But the atmosphere? Absolutely grim. The classrooms were deadly quiet — no energy, no spark, no laughter, no questions, no enthusiasm.

Alright, I guess that’s fine in maths or English, but even in drama, music, and art… in art, the children were like in a traditional exam setting, sitting at their desks, copying a dull sketch from the screen in complete silence, while the teacher walked around peering over their shoulders. I couldn’t sense a shred of creativity, joy, or curiosity in that room. It felt almost like a military camp. Even the bell sounded like a fire alarm — the sort you see in American prisons in films.

When I asked students what they loved about the school, they couldn’t answer. I rephrased and asked what was one thing they were excited about coming to school, but they seemed unsure. What they were actually excited to talk about was “refocus rooms,” detention room, and punishments. They really wanted us to see the detention room which was on the ground floor, a dark space with heavy black curtains where you’re sent for forgetting your planner, doodling in a workbook, wearing the wrong colour socks, missing a part of your uniform, or being two minutes late. This lovely, polite girl said she had already been there twice this year - once for doodling because she got carried away 'in a boring lesson' and another for forgetting her planner, which they have to carry with them at all times.

I went in Soviet school and honestly, even they didn’t have detention rooms. If anyone misbehaved, they would do extra fitness classes or some do some gardening and cleaning for school grounds, and parents were called in. I’m not saying that was better by any means, but honestly — how the hell have we normalised this? What are we thinking as a society, treating children like inmates inside schools, and then acting shocked when they go wild on the streets after being in this prison-like environment all day long?

All I want is a normal, happy school for my child. Is that too much to ask? And do I have to pay £30k a year to avoid this 'military silence + constant detentions'? Is that what we call a good education in the 21st century? I couldn’t stop thinking: what kind of young people will come out of this school environment — happy, curious, caring, loving, creative, enthusiastic and empathetic?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/09/2025 18:33

Oh, there's more than one Russian educated poster who believes that all behaviour is resolved by a cosy chat, then. Do you also believe that a consequence is a heinous breach of children's human rights?

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:34

Sounds horrendous please don't send your kid there! Its nice to hear from a mum that wants creativity and enjoyment from a school also! I feel like most mumsnet mums would be happy with this strict setting for their children 😩

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:35

Barrenfieldoffucks · 20/09/2025 18:18

Devastated and angry? By a school not being what you want it to be? What a strange reaction.

Maybe she had her heart set on this school? Kids friends going there etc? Its a big deal IMO

VikaOlson · 20/09/2025 18:37

Bluevelvetsofa · 20/09/2025 18:10

It’s just not the school you want for your child. They won’t all be the same.

My son's school is the same, I think a lot of academies are now with the heavy focus on discipline, acronyms like SLANT, detentions and refocus rooms.

VikaOlson · 20/09/2025 18:38

RoosterPotato · 20/09/2025 18:32

I think a ‘refocus room’ is deliberately designed to have nothing that could be stimulating and allow children to refocus, especially if they have sensory overload/ may be neurodivergent.

No it's a punishment/isolation room for children who break the rules - in my son's school for example if they are late to class they get sent to refocus to sit in silence writing out lines for the duration of that lesson.

Octavia64 · 20/09/2025 18:38

Nearly all schools have isolation or detention rooms. The school I most recently taught in actually extended theirs because a couple of the autistic kids loved it so much they requested time in there and so the school made a special one for the autistic students that they could use at break and lunch and if they used their get out of lesson pass.

it goes by various names in various schools but they all have one.

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:39

Ohmygodnotnow · 20/09/2025 18:31

You should have a look at the current thread about why teachers are leaving the profession. Behaviour is the no 1 concern before parents and lack of funding for SEND. My dc has just started school in a place where discipline and high expectations are foremost and I'm fine with that. I'd much rather see calm, quiet focus that a class of kids running riot and swearing at the teacher.

I'm fine with calm and quiet and discipline too, but not to this extent. I also feel teachers and I'm aware of lack of funding and schools struggling, but I firmly believe that school needs to be a happy place and it shouldn't make little humans even smaller.

OP posts:
themerchentofvenus · 20/09/2025 18:42

dontdoitkatiekins · 20/09/2025 18:16

IME all academies are like this. It is really sad

So how many academies have you spent time in/worked in to draw this conclusion? (as that's quite a sweeping statement...)

@GentleMintCat clearly this school isn't the right one for your child. Look elsewhere.

Westfacing · 20/09/2025 18:42

The classrooms were deadly quiet — no energy, no spark, no laughter, no questions, no enthusiasm.

Maybe the pupils were just quietly getting on with their lessons - the usual complaint is noisy and chaotic classes!

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:44

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:39

I'm fine with calm and quiet and discipline too, but not to this extent. I also feel teachers and I'm aware of lack of funding and schools struggling, but I firmly believe that school needs to be a happy place and it shouldn't make little humans even smaller.

Education seems to be veering into a very dark place indeed. This new 'strict not taking no shit' ethos in schools combined with escalating SEN needs it going to end in absolute disaster. On a titanic level!!! No wonder so many parents are home schooling!😩

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:45

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/09/2025 18:33

Oh, there's more than one Russian educated poster who believes that all behaviour is resolved by a cosy chat, then. Do you also believe that a consequence is a heinous breach of children's human rights?

No, I don’t, and I’m not Russian-educated for your own educational enlightenment.
But I do believe that detentions, punishments, and a grim educational environment provoke more of that sort of difficult behaviour.

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:45

Westfacing · 20/09/2025 18:42

The classrooms were deadly quiet — no energy, no spark, no laughter, no questions, no enthusiasm.

Maybe the pupils were just quietly getting on with their lessons - the usual complaint is noisy and chaotic classes!

Or just quietly wanting to top themselves!

Owly11 · 20/09/2025 18:48

You are angry because the school nearest you is not the right school for you. No point wasting your energy. Move on and look round some other schools.

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:49

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:44

Education seems to be veering into a very dark place indeed. This new 'strict not taking no shit' ethos in schools combined with escalating SEN needs it going to end in absolute disaster. On a titanic level!!! No wonder so many parents are home schooling!😩

Thank you. We need more people with common sense, and I promise that if my DD ends up at that school, I will absolutely bring down those black curtains and fight to make her experience as good as I possibly can.

OP posts:
Jeschara · 20/09/2025 18:51

I would love that School for my Grandchildren. I would teach mine that school is for learning and would be pleased they are strict .

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 20/09/2025 18:53

Is it possible they've been ordered to keep quiet ?

Enigma54 · 20/09/2025 18:57

It’s changed a lot since 1999 then, when I did my teaching practice there. I have a photo of me delivering a rather good RE lesson on Shabbat ( artefacts galore). The kids loved it.

Behaviour can be tough to manage. Sanctions need to be in place.

Devastated and angry seems a little OTT. Hopefully you have a back up school?

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:57

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:49

Thank you. We need more people with common sense, and I promise that if my DD ends up at that school, I will absolutely bring down those black curtains and fight to make her experience as good as I possibly can.

Good for you! I am also on a mission for more of a nurturing and fun environment at secondary schools, from personally having the worst time ever at secondary school and now being a teacher at secondary schools i see how the experience crucially maps out the wellbeing for the rest of our lives 😍

Hysterectomynext · 20/09/2025 18:59

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:23

That's my point: how on earth have we normalised these detention rooms? I don’t know how they are designed in other schools, and I realised I had never actually asked to see one. It was just that yesterday thesw kids really wanted us to go there, while we were quite reluctant, and I can’t be thankful enough for that. I always thought it was just another normal room, or even a library where they could read a book. I could never have imagined it was such a dark, black room.

HP is still a well respected school and has good facilities. To be honest if they have tightened up the discipline that’s probably a good thing.

I think maybe you’re hearing detention room and thinking something far more severe than it is. Are you sure the darkened room wasn’t somewhere for disregulated pupils to go and sit rather than a punishment room? Sounds more likely

CancelTheTableAlan · 20/09/2025 19:02

The West London state ones that are proud of their academics are so bloody strict. Twyford, West London Free- they're all bobbins. Holland Park is competing with the privates really. Go a bit further out, depending on where you live?

Sunholidays · 20/09/2025 19:03

I thought Holland Park School was a comprehensive school, not an academy.

The Kensington Academy is in Notting Hill.

Bunnycat101 · 20/09/2025 19:08

There is a real issue with disruption caused by poor behaviour so on the one hand I can see why schools feel they need to crack down on behaviour. But… some schools really do feel like military training camps with excessively anal rules. I do worry about how many of these kids will then adapt to the workplace. I have moved a child from state to private primary and one of the things that’s notable is she’s just more relaxed and the atmosphere is chilled out and friendly because the teachers aren’t shouting at the kids all day. I went for one state school visit and the kids were keen to show me the mental health room and explained loads of their friends needed it for anxiety. They weren’t allowed a long lunch break for discipline reasons and toilets were locked. It put me right off.

Uricon2 · 20/09/2025 19:09

GentleMintCat · 20/09/2025 18:45

No, I don’t, and I’m not Russian-educated for your own educational enlightenment.
But I do believe that detentions, punishments, and a grim educational environment provoke more of that sort of difficult behaviour.

I went in Soviet school

So maybe the Baltic states or Central Asia but pretty close to the Russian system if Soviet at the time.

As other posters have said, perhaps you should attend an open evening at a variety of schools before slagging this one off so publically, based on one brief visit.

ETA by secondary school, many pupils are not "little humans" but hulking great teenagers who are taller than their teachers.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 20/09/2025 19:12

My DDs school has a detention/time out room. She's never been in it but the kids who constantly disrupt lessons, who throw things at teachers and flip tables get sent there. And because they get sent out my DD is on track to do well in her GCSEs

Star458 · 20/09/2025 19:16

It's important that constantly disruptive pupils aren't impacting others, but being punished for forgetting your planner or doodling is completely ridiculous. Crazy that there's no middle ground. DS's academy had a place for kids that had been sent out to go but it had a friendly name and lots of pastoral care and support. It was a huge school but behaviour was generally well managed without being like a military camp and removing all creativity. Sounds like a very depressing place.