To say DP should do nights as well as me even tho he works

[Abdican]

right so I don’t normally post on here I’ve been reading a bit but this is my first time posting sorry if it’s long

basically youngest is 2 and he still dont sleep through he wakes up 3 sometimes 4 times a night wanting a bottle and I’m always the one getting up cos DP says he has work and needs his sleep but then I’m still up at 6 doing school run and college run and sorting the others and I feel like a zombie half the time

I asked him last night if he could just do one of the wake ups so I can get a block of sleep and he went off on one saying he earns the money so I shouldnt be moaning but I don’t sit around all day I’m doing everything in the house as well plus I’ve got 5 kids to deal with and he just sits watching telly in the evenings

I’m so tired I can barely think straight AIBU to say he should be doing some of the nights as well even if he works or am I being unfair

A two year old does not need a bottle in the night. You need to come up with a plan together to sleep train him.

Unless you meant a 2 month old? In which case yes DH should help out doing some of the night feeds at the weekends.

At 2 they shouldn’t be waking up multiple times for a bottle.

You (both) should work out a plan to sleep train / get help from a sleep consultant to resolve.

Did you have this issue with your other kids?

All men should be doing some of the night wakings imo, ALL of them, the excuse of work is BS, when the mothers go back to work and baby still wakes she is still expected to do that so it should not be different for fathers from the start.
You are doing the equivalent of 2 to 3 jobs with 5 children to look after, your work is just not paid work and doing this unpaid work is the only reason your husband can go out and do his job.

OP, if you give your 2 year old a bottle every time he wakes up, guess what? He’ll carry on waking - so just give him water. Three to four times a night is excessive in any case. If your DH is going out to work and you are not, then the DC are your job - so it’s on you to get up to them.

As it’s the weekend start offering water instead of milk at night and take in turn to have an afternoon nap. Make sure your toddler has a good dinner and perhaps a snack before bed. Giving milk has created the habit of waking up. You will have a few hard nights but ending the wake ups is possible.

Of course your partner should be helping, it’s his child too. Whatever you choose to do about sleep training or not should be carried out by both of you. The reason he’s earning the money is because you’re up at 6 doing all the stuff that gives him the freedom to do so. That has value and he needs to realise and respect that. You deserve a break in the evening and overnight too.

Of course he should !! I have one child and my DP does every second night as he realises I have a full time job taking care of our baby all day.

2 year old? You need to sort the bottles all night.

If one of the 5 kids (at least) is at college they’re at least 16 and should be getting themselves up and ready and out.

Are all 5 kids his?

No one should have to be waking 3 or 4 times each night with a 2 year old. The bottles need to stop.

I agree that if you take the bottle away this will likely resolve itself. I took mine away from my babies cold turkey between 1year and 18 months and they both slept through after that.

But yes your partner shouldn't be lording it over you that he earns the money so you can't complain. You contribution is valuable, just because it isn't paid work you are still working and he should help if you are struggling. He works 9-5, you work 24/7 (and you don't even get paid) hardly fair.

Many (many) years ago I had twins and my DH used to work long hours, sometimes getting home at 11pm. We used to do one night on and one night off looking after them each (feeding/changing etc) during the night. This worked for us as although he worked during the day I worked twice as hard looking after twins during the day.

Children are hard to look after and he should be pulling his weight whether he ‘earns the money’ or not.

You need to get your two year old’s sleep sorted out! Bottles during the night?!?

ok thanks everyone I didn’t expect so many replies straight away I prob should of said I know 2yo shouldn’t still be having bottles at night but he just won’t settle without and I’ve tried water and he just screams the house down and then wakes the other kids up so I end up giving in cos its easier when you’ve got 5 to get out the door in the morning

yes they are all DP’s kids except eldest from previous but he’s raised her since she was 3 so I count them all as his really. and I know the older ones can get themselves ready but it’s still me shouting them up and down the stairs and checking they’ve actually got everything cos if I don’t then school rings me later

I get what ppl are saying about stopping bottles but it feels impossible when you’re dead on your feet. I just feel like if DP done even one wake up it wouldn’t be all on me.

Whose idea was it to have 5 kids?

Ensure your 2 year old eats a good tea before they go to sleep , then a bottle in bed, then nothing overnight.
They will soon get used to it , they must be soaking wet from all the fluid . I wonder if that is waking them too.

A 2 year old doesn’t need 1 bottle through the night nevermind 3 or 4- tackle that and everything else gets easier. Short term hard for long term easy.

Tonight is the night to stop the bottles , he may well scream but you’ve got to do it at some point or this will carry on forever .

Can you make a sleep training plan? Send older kids to family for the weekend and bite the bullet ??

also if you are not married, you are in a very vulnerable position and you need to look at your financial situation and get back into the workforce. Plus DP needs to be doing more parenting as it sounds like he does nothing.

‘Giving in’ because ’it feels impossible’ is not good enough really.
You have 5 kids, sure. You need to step up.
Get this sorted and life will be automatically easier.

Well if you don’t want to change things this is how it’s going to be.

your choice.

He isn't settling with a bottle as he is waking up numerous times during the night!

I’d go crazy and walk out for the weekend, go to a hotel and sleep. Let him see it’s not a walk in the park. I am one for massive overreactions though.

I disagree with most others. I didn't work from when ds was 14 months. I did all the nights because DH had a job, admittedly surgeon genre and needed to be focused at all times. I didn't.

My youngest was also a night waker and needed a bottle in the night to go back to sleep until about three.

The older ones need to be more independent.

Earning the money isn't a sufficient contribution to family life. After working hours it should be shared between you. Why does he think his "job" is 9-5 but yours is 24/7?

But I agree with PP that this particular problem with the sleep needs to be addressed not pandered to. Addressed by both of you though, not you by yourself.

He should do one night at the weekends, but not the rest of the week when he has work. A SAHP is there precisely to take the burdens of things like night wakings.