To say DP should do nights as well as me even tho he works

[Abdican]

right so I don’t normally post on here I’ve been reading a bit but this is my first time posting sorry if it’s long

basically youngest is 2 and he still dont sleep through he wakes up 3 sometimes 4 times a night wanting a bottle and I’m always the one getting up cos DP says he has work and needs his sleep but then I’m still up at 6 doing school run and college run and sorting the others and I feel like a zombie half the time

I asked him last night if he could just do one of the wake ups so I can get a block of sleep and he went off on one saying he earns the money so I shouldnt be moaning but I don’t sit around all day I’m doing everything in the house as well plus I’ve got 5 kids to deal with and he just sits watching telly in the evenings

I’m so tired I can barely think straight AIBU to say he should be doing some of the nights as well even if he works or am I being unfair

I feel your main question was ignored/derailed by the whole bottle debate

For me, the pertinent questions are, how old are the other 4 kids? And what do you do throughout the day? Does the 2yo go to nursery at all etc?

My husband worked while I was on maternity leave so we did the following;
I went to bed at 8 and slept till about 2. He did 12mn feed and then came to bed.
Going to bed at at 8 will get you over the sleep deprivation threat and it's not forever. However. Stop reinforcing your 2 year old ridiculous demands. Get your partner to take a weeks leave if necessary and work together to get on top of it. Good supper in tots tum before bed and after that...no messing. Good luck.

I feel for you getting all of the attacks about the bottles. If you're dead on your feet it DOES feel impossible. I do think that you should get your partner to at least do the weekend wake ups. However it seems like he is stuck in a relatively typical, for some men, idea that he's the breadwinner and you do the wakeups etc. And actually I'm not even sure that particularly accurate as both my friend and I have dads who are in their late 70s and were of a generation where the man went to work and the woman stayed home, and we both clearly remember our dads being very hands on and my mum openly admits he helped out during the night. So woman have been screwed over yet again by this twisted narrative... but anyway. Before this I expect dads were less hands on but its like it improved and then, for some men, regressed.

I think you need to make it clear to your partner that your work has avalue and that he can only go to work because of the fact you are doing everything else. Also, for most people, their job can be done tired quite easily. If you're home all day with a child/ren, you're literally responsible for another person/peoples lives,which surely needs more sleep. Again, we've been screwed over.

Anyway. Patriarchy rant aside, I think k the key is getting your partnerto understand first so they appreciate you need a rest, then when you're rested you can tackle the bottles.

So OPs husband has set working hours , but because OP is a sahm then she should just be available 24/7.

There was an article posted a few years ago about how much it would cost to replace a sahm mum. With cooking, cleaning, childcare and general running around, I think it was close to £100k . OP is working, just at home.

What?? So the man gets to work 8 hours a day or whatever his contract states and have evenings and weekends off… hee job is the kids.. so in your eyes hee job is 24 hours a day with no time off EVER?? Sounds healthy!!

I really don't want to sound harsh but you've created this problem, why should your DH be impacted by it?

A 2 year old waking up for feeds is mental. I have 4 of my own so I get that it's hard but you do sometimes just have to step up, be firm and parent.

You need to sleep train. Even if he screams the house down. There is no version where he doesn't disturb the others, it's too late for that now, that ship sailed a year ago. You're just going to have to suck it up for a few nights while you get him caught up to where he should be.

When my DD wanted to get hers off their dummies, they had a little ceremony where they put them in a bag for the fairies to come and collect as new babies needed them and they were too grown up now to have them. Can you do something similar with his bottles? Say that the babies need them, he's a big boy now and put them all out so he knows he doesn't have them any more. Then leave a sippy cup of water by his bed so he has a drink - and don't crack. It may take a few nights of tantrums but short term pain = long term gain. Sleep deprivation is used as torture for good reason - you all need to be rested the next day whatever your age.

Some posters being well harsh

I had boys
Sippy cup and a cuddle. They were furious. Slapped away the sippy cup lol how dare you give me water lol. They're much bigger now and eating me out of house and home 🤦🏻‍♀️
Sleep deprivation is torturous. I'm assuming your partner has days off. He can give you a break. Tell him to deal with little one for one night while you get some sleep. Tell him to stop being an arse while you sort this out.
I remember being so dog tired I forgot to do the seat belt on the little one. At that point I thought right, that's it. This is getting ridiculous. It was loud for a night or two but kids catch on quick.
Like you said, plenty fresh air, activities, swimming, park in a puddle suit. Wear him out. Sippy cup water at night. Big breakfast. You've got this.

That’s not what I said. If a man goes out to work while his partner stays at home with the DC, then it’s not unreasonable that he should be allowed to sleep on weekday nights. As a SAHM, you can have a snooze when the baby’s asleep, or droop in front of the telly of an afternoon. As to whether or not he helps in the evenings, that rather depends on what time he gets home. Yes, motherhood is relentless and unending, but a SAHM can take down time during the day, and of course it’s reasonable that the man should help out with the DC at weekends.

Sorry, the 80s called they want their attitudes back.

Its his kid too, he should be helping at night.

if he's two move him into a big boy bed and tell him big boys don't need bottles at night. Well it might work for you, it did for me with youngest who was similar at that age.