To say DP should do nights as well as me even tho he works

[Abdican]

right so I don’t normally post on here I’ve been reading a bit but this is my first time posting sorry if it’s long

basically youngest is 2 and he still dont sleep through he wakes up 3 sometimes 4 times a night wanting a bottle and I’m always the one getting up cos DP says he has work and needs his sleep but then I’m still up at 6 doing school run and college run and sorting the others and I feel like a zombie half the time

I asked him last night if he could just do one of the wake ups so I can get a block of sleep and he went off on one saying he earns the money so I shouldnt be moaning but I don’t sit around all day I’m doing everything in the house as well plus I’ve got 5 kids to deal with and he just sits watching telly in the evenings

I’m so tired I can barely think straight AIBU to say he should be doing some of the nights as well even if he works or am I being unfair

I don’t give a rat’s if it’s a man or a woman at home.

Whoever is working outside the home and earning money shouldn’t then have to come home and pick up half the other partner’s burden. Occasionally, perhaps, but certainly not as a general rule.

just wanted to update cos a few ppl asked if I’d tried water instead of bottles so I thought I’d give it a go for his nap earlier and honestly it was a nightmare he screamed the house down for nearly an hour and then woke up after 20 mins anyway so I don’t know how I’m meant to do that through the night when I’ve got the others needing sleep for school/college

DP just sat there saying I told you so and now he’s gone off to his mums for his dinner cos he reckons I’m stressing him out. I feel like crying tbh.

I’m not saying you’re all wrong I get that I probably need to stop the bottles but I don’t feel strong enough to go cold turkey when I’m already shattered. maybe I’ll try and cut it down slowly instead but I just needed some advice not to be told I’m making a rod for my own back cos I feel like I already know that

anyway thanks to those who’ve been nice I didn’t realise posting would feel like being shouted at lol xx

He’s 2. Why is he having milk during the day? What are you feeding him?! He sounds hungry!!!

you either go cold turkey or you water the bottles down.

why is he having bottles during the day at all? He’s 2 years old not 2 months!!!

basically youngest is 2 and he still dont sleep through he wakes up 3 sometimes 4 times a night wanting a bottle

self serve sippy cup of water by his bed at night, why does he have to wake you up if he is thirsty?

also take him to a doctor to test for type 1 diabetes- that level of thirst that wakes up a 2yo that many times a night is not normal. It may be he is asking for a bottle when he really had a bad dream, but just in case…get him checked for diabetes.

Yes I agree with @LoremIpsumCici - he needs testing for diabetes.

I appreciate you sound frustrated but this isn't an issue which will resolve without you biting the bullet and removing the bottles. Yes he may scream and cry and you might have a few days where you're all more tired but that's going to happen no matter when you make this change.

Make sure he's had plenty to eat and give him a sippy cup of water and preserver. It sounds like your other kids are plenty old enough to understand he will be unsettled for a few days.

Mine had a sippy cup of water in the cot with them a this age .
The daytime nap needs to go
A solid supper is needed to fill him before bed
He needs a strict routine ,a strict 7 pm bedtime where you read to him every night
Your driving yourself mad
The only positive in all this is at least he's in his own bed
He needs to be worn out in the day physically and mentally to get him to sleep at night .
Stop the day time naps
Is he getting to toddler group every day ,and a park to run round in or is he stuck at home while you clean and tidy and he watches TV .??
He needs to be you priority in the day ,doing playdogh
Going to parks ,seeing animals , meeting friends..not in the house while you clean .
You have people to delegate some of the housework to
Yes it feels like people are shouting at you
Do you actually want help and advice...or just sympathy?
You can do this

I sound harsh
But I had 3 under 3 and a DH away from home for 2 weeks at a time .
The youngest was 2 weeks old ,and I had a2 year old and a 1 year old and DH went away for work for two weeks ..no family or help ...plus we were home schooling ,so not using childcare
Mine were all in bed by 7 pm ,after bath and stories and a solid supper .
I never had any of these issues,with waking in the night ..they were exhausted by bedtime,as we did crafts ,parks , social groups every day ..
I also only allowed one hour of TV per day .and from 18 months no day time naps.
No bottles at night once on 3 meals a day ..no bottles at all after 12 months .
I needed my evening to myself to be able to cope in the day .
You need a routine with that many children,I have 4 all together.
You can do this

Half the other persons burden?! This would be the care of THEIR children? Why does his work stop when he gets home but the OP is 24hrs a day?

Abdican, I’m sorry to say, you must teach your 2yr old to drink from a cup as soon as possible. If the child can sip off a spoon, it can sip from a cup. I suggest instead of allowing the afternoon sleep/rest, just teach drinking like adults can, surely child can see everyone else using cups or mugs.
Bin the bottles asap, (I never had a single bottle -lazy, couldn’t be bothered to sterilise etc. 😆 but it worked for 3 children!).

He should definitely be helping. My husband used to do any wake ups before midnight and then I would do the rest. I don't work, he does. He's still a parent though!

If you want to switch to water, wait until the school holidays and do it then. Maybe even send some of the older kids out for sleepovers or something the first night so it doesn't ruin the whole following day for everyone. The first couple of nights are awful but it should get easier after that.

Good luck, be kind to yourself and ensure your partner is too!

My youngest was a terrible sleeper until she was about 4/5 so I know it’s not always easy and sometimes it is easier to just give them a bottle so they go back to sleep, especially when you’re exhausted.
But yes your DP definitely should be doing at least one night week, and getting up in the morning so you can have one lie in a week too.

When you’re not quite as exhausted you can tackle getting rid of the night time bottles.
We got rid of them by changing to milk in a sippy cup then changed from milk to water.
At 2 he might be ready to drop his nap too, might sleep better at night then because he will be more tired.

Preserve with bottle training. Its will take up to a month but you need to break the habit.

Yes dh should help out on Friday and sat if he isn't working

ok thanks everyone I really appreciate all the advice I didn’t mean to upset anyone or sound like I’m whining I know he’s 2 and probs shouldn’t be having bottles at night or even during the day but honestly he just won’t settle without it and if I try he screams and then wakes the other kids and then the whole house is chaos and I can’t cope with that on top of everything else

I’ll try the sippy cup idea and maybe cut down slowly like some of you suggested I think I need to be realistic cos I’m shattered already and I don’t think I could go cold turkey tonight without completely losing it and upsetting everyone else. I do get the daytime naps are probably making it worse but he’s so stubborn he just refuses to stay awake sometimes and then I feel like I can’t get anything done

I’ll try to get him out in the day more like parks and groups and make sure he’s tired by bedtime I think that will help as well. I really just want to get some sleep without upsetting him or the others and yeah DP could do a bit more I agree he just doesn’t seem to get how exhausted I am sometimes

thanks again for all the ideas and encouragement it really helps xx

Maybe your children were easier as well.

I don’t believe you’re comparing like with like.

Are all 5 of them boys by any chance?

You haven’t answered the question. Are you feeding him properly? What meals is he eating?
He shouldn’t be demanding milk the way he is. It seems he is hungry.

No, often being in a paid job is much easier. Coffee breaks/lunch breaks/adult conversation….and respect!

I have to say I am too! Maybe for a newborn, but once they are two then no honestly.

Your oldest child is in their late teens if they are in college, your others are in school, and your youngest will be starting nursery soon. Being at home with one two year old is nothing like working a full time job. He does need a decent night’s sleep. You can catch up during the day.

Totally get this. Granted, I don't have 5, 0BUT I have an almost 2 year old. He's still breast feeding, and I've been trying to night wean since before last Xmas on and off (no joke), so I get what you mean about screaming the house down.

I finally managed to FULLY night wean 2 or 3 weeks ago and guess what?! He's still waking twice a night, AND he's up for the day at 4.45 (on the dot), although i do try to get him back to sleep till 6.. but fail most days.

So all these people saying just kick the habit, I'm not sure it really does. That's what I was hoping for, but nope!

But in answer to your original question, damn right he should be doing at least SOME of the nights!!!

I wish ..2 of them diagnosed with autism,age 4 and 7 and me age 50 ..which explains my need for routine to cope ..but it definitely helped them too

Sorry had to delete as I completely misread your post, driving whilst sleep deprived has the same affect as being drunk behind the wheel, studies have shown…

No, often being in a paid job is much easier.

When my DCs were younger I worked compressed hours, so two days home with DCs and three 12 hour shifts to make up hours, and the days home were a piece of piss compared to the days at work.