To say DP should do nights as well as me even tho he works

[Abdican]

right so I don’t normally post on here I’ve been reading a bit but this is my first time posting sorry if it’s long

basically youngest is 2 and he still dont sleep through he wakes up 3 sometimes 4 times a night wanting a bottle and I’m always the one getting up cos DP says he has work and needs his sleep but then I’m still up at 6 doing school run and college run and sorting the others and I feel like a zombie half the time

I asked him last night if he could just do one of the wake ups so I can get a block of sleep and he went off on one saying he earns the money so I shouldnt be moaning but I don’t sit around all day I’m doing everything in the house as well plus I’ve got 5 kids to deal with and he just sits watching telly in the evenings

I’m so tired I can barely think straight AIBU to say he should be doing some of the nights as well even if he works or am I being unfair

I have two kids, so have experienced night wakes/poor sleep during two maternity leaves and also after returning to work. Getting up and looking after the kids all day after a bad night is infinitely harder than going to work for the day. He should absolutely be sharing the load, and also coming up with a plan to wean your toddler off the bottles. You're both parents, you both signed up for this.

Short term pain for long term gain. Yes you might have a week of him waking up and screaming when you won’t give him a bottle of milk in the night - but you can give him a cuddle, sit by his bed and reassure him etc. Sleep training doesn’t have to be cruel. Tell him that he’s a big boy now and it’s time to cut back the milk in the night. Maybe reduce it to only one bottle allowed in the night and then after a week to no milk in the night.

And then once he knows you mean it ……. Just think how refreshed you’ll feel once he’s sleeping through the night. You could have it cracked within a week or two.

I completely disagree. Pretending a SAHP has the more difficult job is just asinine.

No they aren't. They stay at home and look after the child/children while the other parent works outside the home. At all other times, all the childcare and housework etc should be 50/50 between the 2 parents. Why should the parent who stays home have to work 24/7??

I know it seems hard because you're so tired but you do need to plan it. My child used to wake a lot as a toddler wanting boob 2 or 3 times a night and it was killing me and I only had the one. But one night I just couldn't do it anymore and her cries about boobies didn't move me in the way they had previously.
I took her into our bed, sent the other half to hers and got my kindle out. She obviously kicked off big time and she rolled about furious for near two hours, I gave her the odd pat and made sympathetic noises but just read my book and let her get on with it. When she conked out I did too, and yeah the next day was not very sunshine and rainbows because we were both knackered but she totally turned a corner, the next few nights she still woke but would settle with a few oats or back rubs instead of a whole milk wanting ordeal and then it tailed off and she would only wake if she was ill or teething.
If you wait till half term you could get your other half to let you have Fri/sat to get a good sleep and then you'll be a bit more of an even keel for cold turkey-ing the bottle in the week. The other kids will just have to be grumpy but it's one horrid week or a few more horrid years, and he probably won't stop it'll just transfer from waking and demanding bottles to wanting to watch TV or play or whatever because he will have learned by then that kicking off in the night ends up with him having his demand met.
Good luck anyway with however you go because it's the absolute worst being chronically sleep deprived.

I see both sides.
Whilst I wouldn't expect him to be up at say 12,2 if he gets up at 545 anyway and there's a wake at 430 (for example) he absolutely should be taking that one and getting up a bit earlier thats what my husband did when I was on mat.

Some people exclusively breastfeed though so men can't do that.

This is about a 2 year old though, not a little baby. Men can also do other things such as nappy changes if needed, resettling etc.

Ah. OK. Sounds like you have cracked it.

I work full time and DH stays at home with our two year old, I wouldn’t dream of making him do ALL the night waking and early starts with our toddler.
It should definitely be more 50/50 with you and your partner.

I would get your selfish partner to book time off during half term. You do the nights and he does all day and you resolve the night waking.

He does all the things you do, cooking, clean, park trips, playing, everything. You manage the nights with a firm plan and sleep during the day, even if it's at a relatives, premium inn or something.

Unfortunately you're still left with an arse of a partner who has zero respect for you.

Completely agree.

Sort of disagree…my point of reference is mat leave but after a point I tended to do most night get ups as DH was the who had to go to work. Weekends he would largely do Friday and Saturday night.

Same, I worked 3 days a week until DS started school, and we had lovely days off together! Far more relaxing than a ten hour shift as a doctor. And yes I did do all the housework in my days off, just as I do most of it now when ai am full time.

Well maybe the people who found it a breeze and easy coukd pop over and help op for an hour or two as she needs a rest.

@fearfulsaints mpst of us are back working 50 hour weeks!

But its a piece of piss. Easy to give her a short nap as she is struggling.

I mean its so easy, her husband who is supposed to love her, could probably do it.

I was a SAHP. I did all the night wakings except in the very early days. At weekends we got one lie in each.
The bigger issue is the milk feeds. Drop these and your little one will slowly develop the ability to last longer without a feed.

You have had four other kids, be a parent and push through the screaming. Your 2 year old doesn’t need a bottle, talk to him in the day and then FOLLOW THROUGH at night. Water only. Of course it will be a painful few nights. Maybe a week, but the reward is better sleep for the whole family.

It’s a means to an end

stop the bottles of milk. Give water

they will stop waking /screaming in less then a week if you persevere

yes the first few nights will be hard /tiring

put white noise on in other kids rooms or ear plugs

what age are the 5 kids

so we have a 2 and 16/17 and 3 in the middle

can you nap daytime when 2yr does

reality is even if you were both surgeons and working, you would need to share the night shifts so I guess he can’t really use work as the reason for not getting up. However, if you have the opportunity to catch up on sleep during the day, you should do

No advice but your post has made me sure I never want 5 kids…..

Also your boyfriend sounds pathetic.

Go cold turkey from Friday night - no more milk in bottles just water and if he screams just ignore and tell to go to sleep. The other kids can have a nap during the day if they are that’ll tired from being disturbed by the 2 year old who’s holding the entire household hostage it seems! If you make a big effort and just do it at the weekend and then sleep during the day if you can to catch up on sleep then by Monday the habit should be stopped. Stop just giving in because he screams!!! He literally has you over barrel and won’t be getting enough sleep himself because he’s waking up so often! First time offer bottle of water. 2nd time you say no firmly and go to sleep. And repeat

Bottles stop at a year old as they cause tooth decay and sticky out teeth. Think you need parenting lessons so that you learn how to cope with life.