Being shouted at over the washing

[Pinktize]

Last year, DH and I nearly split up. One of the things that came up was lack of help round the house (we both work full time). He said "fine, I'll do all the kids washing". And now that's his thing - he does the kids washing.

But he is now getting v angry about me putting kids clothes in the washing machine. So our youngest is having lots of accidents at the moment, and it means PJs smell of wee being left in the washing basket for days. This morning - I was doing some of my washing and shoved in some smelly PJs that were sat by the machine. He came down and said "oh you put a wash on. just your clothes right?" - i replied "oh, i put in some smelly DS clothes" and he goes mad. this has happened before. shouting at me "you're gaslighting me. i tell you jsut to do your own washing and you just don't do it. you constantly go against the system and put in the kids washing" i mean he shouted at me straight for 10 mins. i said nothign. then he said "oh you're just not going to respond. you're so immature" etc.

I am being unreasonable? I mean it's great that he wants to manage it but surely it's a bit insane to be shouted at for doing some washing. He said "you promised you wouldn't do this again. you're making me feel like i'm being ridiculous but you're messing with the system and doing whatever the fuck you want and then making me feel unreasonable for beign angry. just do yoru own fucking washing". I mean...i have promised to let him get on with it, but surely pissy smelly PJs sat stinking the place out. It seems so crazily OTT to me to be so angry

Your husband is a dick.
You are married and you live together, and he isn’t doing his share but eventually agrees on doing the washing. But not ALL washing? Just the kids? So you still have to do all the work by washing your clothes (& his?). How is that sharing?
And even if he did ALL the washing, he still needs to share more of the household duties.

The shouting about it is obviously unacceptable, but you already know that.

Is this the model you want to set your your children?

Looking at the way op responded with mocking him, it seems like op has a lot of contempt for her h.
H - "oh you put a wash on. just your clothes right?"
Op- "oh, i put in some smelly DS clothes"
why op mimicked her husband when she responded. Was she trying to prove a point.

@Trendyname, how is that mimicking? That reads like her simply answering his question.

You have bigger problems than washing.

I don't agree with him he sounds like a fruit loop. He needs to look into anger management therapy.

You WILL inevitably end up leaving him at some point, so my advice is to do it sooner rather than later. The longer you stay with a man like this, the more psychological damage he'll do to you. You're already questioning your sanity over washing and before you know it, you'll be a shell of your former self and a quivering wreck.

ARGH. This isn't a post about how to organise washing.

Will the geniuses who know how to separate whites and coloureds please chill?

He quizzes her aggressively about her fruit purchases. He shouts for 10 minutes. (Pop Spotify in and find a few tracks that take you to 10 minutes. It's quite long. )

This! Don’t live like this, it would be easier on your own with the kids honestly!

I was asking myself the same question. @Trendyname are you trying yo be clever and use critical thinking? Please don't you make it sound as if she deserves to be shouted at and treated like a child.

What is stopping you leaving OP? This relationship is dead in the water and your kids are around conflict. I know its hard being on your own, but walking on eggshells is soul destroying.

Adult conversation would be:

DH just says “thank you”

alternatively

OP says “i don’t like the smelly of pissy pjs in the kitchen. Shall we put them in a lidded bucket/container until you do the kids washing?”

I'll be honest - this sounds a bit worrying. You're right to be questioning it

Just for the ppl asking about the crazy washing...each kid has a basket in theri room they put their dirty clothes each evening. Most of it all just gets washed together.

Anyway thats the not the point. I just dont want to be talked to like shit and feel like im living in a military Base.

OP, apologies if i've missed this but have you pointed out to him that a) the kids have no clean PJs and b) the kitchen smells of piss?

You deserve better. What he is trying to do is get out of the washing by abusing you first. He is trying to wear you down. He's arguing over nastiness (pissy PJs) he's an unclean man.

Can the smelly p.j's go into a bucket of water somewhere until there's enough to do a load? You, sorry HE surely doesn't chuck them, wet, in the washbasket with everything else?

Why should she he's nasty to be arguing over it. I wonder when he washes himself.

You are clearly unhappy. Do you think there’s even the slightest possibility that he might change? I suspect not. Life is far too short to be with someone who makes you all miserable. Be brave xx

Why are some posters making suggestions on how to appease his nastiness I wonder if they know how to live in a house?

Or just her writing style?

I have contempt for Op's husband from reading this!

Does he wash himself?

I can't get over the idea that he thought a reasonable response to a request to do more round the house was to announce that he would do the children's washing, and to think that solved the problem and OP would just go away in quiet gratitude.

Please take steps to separate. It's not worth living like that. He sounds so controlling. It's not good for you or the kids. Maybe have some counselling to explore your thoughts around your marriage? In any case, imagine the freedom to put washing on when you want, and buy pineapple when you want...

Shouldn't need to. He's a grown man and should take the initiative, not be micromanaged by the op. I could never respect a man who needs coddling around household taks. This infantalising of men really needs to stop.

Or a family who start every sentence with ’Oh’.

All this drama over some pissy rags.
Tbh any pissy clothes needs to go in the wash alone straight away not days later.
Or even washed with other clothes.