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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my 17 year old daughter is so babyish

170 replies

ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:06

I have a 17 years old daughter, and frankly, she is very very eccentric. She acts so much younger than her age and everyone her age kind of sees her as a little sister. That is not necessarily a problem but she also looks and sound way younger than someone her age typically would. She is graduating from high school next year and she will be officially an adult.

She gets so attached to everyone and greets people very enthusiastically even though they might not return the same energy. When she gets excited she gets really excited and she looks up to certain people a lot. Obviously she's not a problem to be fixed but I do think this is a bit of a problem. Is at a lost.

OP posts:
Motnight · 19/09/2025 11:08

Genuinely, why is this a problem?

Bladderpool · 19/09/2025 11:10

Soun a bit like Williams Syndrome, has she been diagnosed with any neurodivergent condition?

3luckystars · 19/09/2025 11:13

Did you just notice this now, or did you keep thinking she would just grow out of it
someday?

Is she keeping up at school? Has any of her teachers commented on it?

JadziaD · 19/09/2025 11:13

You are contradicting yourself. You clearly think it is a problem but then you say it's not a problem to be fixed. Either it is or it isn't - does she have friends? Perform okay at school? Take part in sport or other extra curricular? Could she manage a job of some sort? If the answer to any of these is no, then perhaps it IS a problem and one that needs ot be dealt with.

The question is whether she's just a bit immature and quirky and will either grow out of it or find her place in the world. Or if she genuinely doesn't understand basic social interactions and might need more support? Young women who are immature and who don't understand appropriate behaviours are particularly vulnerable.

Have you ever discussed any of this with teachers at school or the SENCO?

Owly11 · 19/09/2025 11:15

Does she have a medical or learning differences history? My first thought was some kind of syndrome or neurodivergence. Differences that are not noticeable in childhood can become very pronounced during the teenage years when a young person is on a different developmental pathway and everyone around them is moving to a more sophisticated form of social interaction.

Original poster
ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:16

3luckystars · 19/09/2025 11:13

Did you just notice this now, or did you keep thinking she would just grow out of it
someday?

Is she keeping up at school? Has any of her teachers commented on it?

It has become more and more noticeable as she is growing up. She is keeping up at school grades wise and no I haven't heard anything from teachers or anyone from school.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:19

Owly11 · 19/09/2025 11:15

Does she have a medical or learning differences history? My first thought was some kind of syndrome or neurodivergence. Differences that are not noticeable in childhood can become very pronounced during the teenage years when a young person is on a different developmental pathway and everyone around them is moving to a more sophisticated form of social interaction.

No she doesn't have a learning differences history. It was kind of noticeable in childhood but not as pronounced.

OP posts:
searchinghere · 19/09/2025 11:19

Is she a bit naive/vulnerable in any way? If not then I don’t really see the issue. People have different personalities.

DiscoBob · 19/09/2025 11:19

So you do think it's a problem?

Assuming you have ruled out ND or SEND, or ADHD etc, then I'd say she'll grow out of it.

Just encourage her to try and achieve what she wants in life. She doesn't have to be and act exactly the same as everyone else. Presumably she's got friends and hobbies? Is doing ok at school?

5128gap · 19/09/2025 11:23

Do you think it genuine as opposed to a contrived behaviour that brings her social rewards? Eg, she's seen as cute, to be looked after, protected and/or eccentric and therefore more interesting?

Original poster
ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:25

JadziaD · 19/09/2025 11:13

You are contradicting yourself. You clearly think it is a problem but then you say it's not a problem to be fixed. Either it is or it isn't - does she have friends? Perform okay at school? Take part in sport or other extra curricular? Could she manage a job of some sort? If the answer to any of these is no, then perhaps it IS a problem and one that needs ot be dealt with.

The question is whether she's just a bit immature and quirky and will either grow out of it or find her place in the world. Or if she genuinely doesn't understand basic social interactions and might need more support? Young women who are immature and who don't understand appropriate behaviours are particularly vulnerable.

Have you ever discussed any of this with teachers at school or the SENCO?

It is a problem but she isn't a problem to be fixed. She has 2-3 close friends and is very friendly with a lot of people in her grade and she is so invested in every single one of them. She clearly looks up to one of these friends and while it's not a big deal they are the same age so I find it a bit unusual.

Teachers haven't noticed anything and honestly I cannot really tell between the two as in whether she's just a bit immature or is there a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:27

searchinghere · 19/09/2025 11:19

Is she a bit naive/vulnerable in any way? If not then I don’t really see the issue. People have different personalities.

She is very naive and never thinks twice about everyone's intentions.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:28

5128gap · 19/09/2025 11:23

Do you think it genuine as opposed to a contrived behaviour that brings her social rewards? Eg, she's seen as cute, to be looked after, protected and/or eccentric and therefore more interesting?

I think it's genuine she has always been like this no matter where she is who she is with.

OP posts:
JadziaD · 19/09/2025 11:28

Is she independent? Can she navigate the world? Has she ever had a job? can she manage at home alone or does she need help?

If she's got genuinely good friends the fact that she's just a bit over invested in other people sounds like a bit of insecurity and lack of self confidence vs anthing more worrying.

Does she perhaps sense that you don't think he rbehaviour is appropriate and therefore she is over compensating and questioning herself? I'm sorry to suggest this is your fault, but I wonder if you've constantly been telling her she is too eager, too keen etc and now she's constantly worried about people not liking her?

Original poster
ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:32

DiscoBob · 19/09/2025 11:19

So you do think it's a problem?

Assuming you have ruled out ND or SEND, or ADHD etc, then I'd say she'll grow out of it.

Just encourage her to try and achieve what she wants in life. She doesn't have to be and act exactly the same as everyone else. Presumably she's got friends and hobbies? Is doing ok at school?

Edited

I do think it's a problem yeah. I haven't completely ruled out ND or SEND but growing up it has never crossed my mind nor has anyone suggested it to me.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 19/09/2025 11:32

My DD is similar only very shy.
She's nearly 17, she's very sweet, babyish voice, at her age I'd left school, had a job, drank, smoked, I'm glad she has a very different lifestyle to mine, she was diagnosis with asd aged 7, born with a muscle disorder.
Her Christmas list always includes toys.
I don't know what the answer is for toughening her up.

CRbear · 19/09/2025 11:35

Is this something you would have or did get comments on as a child?

Often we react overly strongly or irrationally to things we were punished for or picked up on even if it made us feel bad in some way as a child.

”The book you wish your parents had read” is really good at explaining this if you feel any spark of recognition.

CallMeMessy · 19/09/2025 11:35

I was always very young for my age, and I know it worries my mum! Not interested in boys ( gay actually but still) didn’t want to go to parties and stuff like that, but I had some
close friends, did well at school and matured at university.
It’s not all bad having someone take there time with life, IMHO

Original poster
ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:35

JadziaD · 19/09/2025 11:28

Is she independent? Can she navigate the world? Has she ever had a job? can she manage at home alone or does she need help?

If she's got genuinely good friends the fact that she's just a bit over invested in other people sounds like a bit of insecurity and lack of self confidence vs anthing more worrying.

Does she perhaps sense that you don't think he rbehaviour is appropriate and therefore she is over compensating and questioning herself? I'm sorry to suggest this is your fault, but I wonder if you've constantly been telling her she is too eager, too keen etc and now she's constantly worried about people not liking her?

She isn't very independent but can go places herself and stay home alone without help. I haven't been telling her she is too eager but I do advise her to be more aware in terms of how she is received.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 19/09/2025 11:35

My DD (19) is the same, she seems about 3 years younger than she is. She’s no LD, but is diagnosed ASD. She’s on a college course atm, everyone is younger than her, so that’s good.
The last few months we’ve really noticed that she starting to “grow up” a bit.

It’s never been a problem, part of her ASD, she’ll catch up

CallMeMessy · 19/09/2025 11:36

Worried. She doesn’t worry any more! I have a DW, kids, good job, am very socially etc now

Gall10 · 19/09/2025 11:37

Bladderpool · 19/09/2025 11:10

Soun a bit like Williams Syndrome, has she been diagnosed with any neurodivergent condition?

FFS why does everyone have to be labeled with a syndrome/ acronym/initails/ condition/diagnosis these days?
Everyone is a little bit different to the next person : as an analogy it takes a lot of different vegetables to make a good soup!
Let’s enjoy our children/family/friends with all their different quirks & personalities!

Smittenkitchen · 19/09/2025 11:39

It does sound like she's neurodiverse in some way.

Original poster
ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:40

CallMeMessy · 19/09/2025 11:35

I was always very young for my age, and I know it worries my mum! Not interested in boys ( gay actually but still) didn’t want to go to parties and stuff like that, but I had some
close friends, did well at school and matured at university.
It’s not all bad having someone take there time with life, IMHO

My dd is also not that interested in boys. She has snapchat and would sometimes add boys that have mutual friends with her and try to make friends but mostly the boys are coming from a different angle.

OP posts:
Bladderpool · 19/09/2025 11:40

Gall10 · 19/09/2025 11:37

FFS why does everyone have to be labeled with a syndrome/ acronym/initails/ condition/diagnosis these days?
Everyone is a little bit different to the next person : as an analogy it takes a lot of different vegetables to make a good soup!
Let’s enjoy our children/family/friends with all their different quirks & personalities!

Show quote history

I didn’t “label” anyone, why are you so aggressive?

A friends dd has Williams and the op’s dd sounds similar. She posted for advice and opinions, please stop policing my input thank you very much.