my 17 year old daughter is so babyish

[ThisSillyAquaPlayer]

I have a 17 years old daughter, and frankly, she is very very eccentric. She acts so much younger than her age and everyone her age kind of sees her as a little sister. That is not necessarily a problem but she also looks and sound way younger than someone her age typically would. She is graduating from high school next year and she will be officially an adult.

She gets so attached to everyone and greets people very enthusiastically even though they might not return the same energy. When she gets excited she gets really excited and she looks up to certain people a lot. Obviously she's not a problem to be fixed but I do think this is a bit of a problem. Is at a lost.

I was like this as a teen

I was also incredibly naive and vulnerable

I now have my autism diagnosis in my 30s xx

I agree with your concern in your op. Bad things can happen to girls with autism, who seem able to cope with the world. People take advantage and youre a target for bullying. And it doesnt age well and becomes noticeable after a while.

Could you have a frank conversation with her? Is she going to uni?

Maybe you could frame it as a series of life lessons. Set up your own mini curriculum of things you need to teach her such as

Male attention
What to expect in a social situation at work
What to expect at a party
What to say and not to say in various situations

Maybe you could draw a diagram of friendship tiers and how to behave among each tier, ie:
Close friends - completely yourself
Aquaintances - more reserved
non friends, etc etc

Autistic people in my own experience need to be taught about each specific social scenario to be adequately prepared for them

Above all, its important that she knows that she is loved for who she is by her mum.

That she has her diagnosis and understands that she needs to spend more time than others working out how to socialise

Best of luck ❤️

I do think sexual orientation comes into it, after all, we only really grow through relationships.
I was the same, also gay, and I had zero relationships until much later on. I tend to blame Section 28 for that, but that’s a whole other discussion!

It doesn't sound like Williams Syndrome at all, FFS. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️
She may be Neurodivergent, or she may just be young for her age. 🤦🏼‍♀️
Not everything needs to be pathologised.

These are classic autism traits so it might be worth looking at autism.in girls to see if she has been masking in school etc

Came on to say the same ,I'm diagnosed autistic,and I was similar to your DD op as a child

Can you calm down? What’s with all the “FFS” and multiple emojis?

Maybe she has emoji-itis. Be kind.

My son is similar to your DD. He is 11 and he has autism.

Why is everyone so quick to jump to diagnosing or suggesting people have a neurodivergent condition...its become societally acceptable for joe public to be suggesting diagnosis for other kids and adults and i think thats a dangerous path for us as a society.

No wonder the UK has problems with anxiety and spikes in diagnosis.

It clogs up the system for children and adults who have complex needs.

Some people have quirks and a thing called a personality...

We're not all robots.

Is the girl unhappy in the OP, doesn't sound like she is. Immature maybe but shes only 17 and im sure experiences like further education or work will round her out...I'd be concerned if she was 25 and acting like this.

It’s not that offensive. If you have a group of behaviours sometimes there is a name for that.

Why do Neurotypical people get so wound up about things that have nothing to do with them and they have no experience of? It’s getting really old now.

She sounds autistic. She’s not reading social cues and her behaving and looking younger than her age is also an indication.

Studies have shown a link between autism and ehler danlos syndrome - which is a connective tissue disorder.

This condition may be so mild in some people it has never been diagnosed. Some just experience joint mobility. But something that many autistic adults are self reporting is that they look significantly younger than their peers.

Williams syndrome is far more than being very friendly and young for age, she would look different for a start and have some other health problems.

There is far too much labelling and pathologising in this thread. I say this as a psychologist. OP it’s not clear what your concern here really is? It sounds as though your daughter does well at school, has friends, no concerns have ever been raised about her. She herself doesn’t appear to be suffering in anyway?

We all have an idea in our minds about how someone ‘should’ be and I think it’s worth exploring this, and what your own childhood was like. The previous suggestion of the book ‘The Book All Parents Should Read and Your Children Will Be Glad You Did’ is a good one.

As a mother your job is to notice and champion your daughter’s strengths. By all means provide opportunity for independence, critical thinking and learning. But she doesn’t need to be ‘toughened up’. Young people are in such a rush to grow up and it can be a lovely thing when some aren’t. Meet her where she is. She has the whole rest of her life to grow up and become downtrodden!

Because you may see these as “quirks” but what ends up happening is these people struggle to form healthy attachments as adults and can struggle in the workplace and in their self care.

Multiple people have told me that I exhibit autistic traits and I have to agree with them. It has severely impacted my life.

These “quirks” have made social interactions very very difficult. It was something I was able to hide as an adult as I hyper focused on my career. But my personal life was shit and despite earning really well I just frittered money away on things I didn’t need. I couldn’t organise myself to save my life and I neglected everything.

For women the “complex needs” you’re referring to may not manifest until menopause when they start hoarding or failing to take care of hygiene. They may find themselves without family as their parents pass away and can become financially vulnerable as they enter retirement because they don’t have a social system and are financially illiterate.

So yeah, it’s important- because the OP has posted indicating that she has concerns for her daughter and the people responding here are validating concerns and are suggesting possible causes.

Yeah, I think we've turned into netmums, hun....

This just sounds like you expecting her to be a different kind of person. She is who she is and I don't see what the problem is supposed to be.

But is it holding her back? Is she able to go out and do day to day things independently? Do you think in a year or so she might be able to go away for uni? Has she travelled much?

Is she doing ok at school, does she have friends and interests?

Any change she has Autism ? It can be very different and not alues easy to diagnose in girls .

It does sound like neurodivergence is a possibility. My DC2 is a bit similar and was diagnosed with ADHD and autism age 20.

So she is keeping up academically at school and has no learning difficulties. Teachers have never mentioned any concerns. She has close friends plus a wider circle of friends at school, so she is well able to form relationships. I really don't see a problem here - she's 17, and people mature at different rates in different areas of life. From what you say she sounds quite trusting - in which case you could just remind her every now and then that the world is not always a good place.

I was young for my age at 17. I grew up a lot in my early 20s. I’m NT.

sometimes people just take a bit longer to mature.

I think it would be worth looking into the features of autism in girls. It's definitely not Williams Syndrome, but your description of your daughter resonates with me and my experiences of teenage girls and young women with Aspergers Syndrome.

My ASD son is like this and he still
looks like a cherub although he’s 13 now. I have concerns too about how he will navigate the world and am trying to train him to think about other peoples motives.

my plan is to get him to work for a year after school so that he’s of a similar maturity when he does start university. Maybe your daughter would benefit from something similar?

Not sure why people are triggered by others flagging autism.
I don't see how having an autism label/diagnosis can in itself cause anxiety, my anxiety was much worse when I was masking hard (even masking to myself), but once I got the "label" I could actually be myself and reduce my anxiety massively.

My DD1, who is 16 and AuDHD (autism and ADHD) is like this. I love the bones of her but it’s very, very wearing at times. I was looking at another thread with a mum who is sad her 7 year old is growing up and I wondered if I could articulate the complex feelings when that doesn’t happen at quite the rate it normally does.

Then I hear from friends whose kids are out getting drunk at parties and remember this age can be exhausting in other ways as well!

It’s lovely your DD has friends. My DD lost all hers - we’re slowly building up again from the local ND community