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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

my 17 year old daughter is so babyish

170 replies

ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:06

I have a 17 years old daughter, and frankly, she is very very eccentric. She acts so much younger than her age and everyone her age kind of sees her as a little sister. That is not necessarily a problem but she also looks and sound way younger than someone her age typically would. She is graduating from high school next year and she will be officially an adult.

She gets so attached to everyone and greets people very enthusiastically even though they might not return the same energy. When she gets excited she gets really excited and she looks up to certain people a lot. Obviously she's not a problem to be fixed but I do think this is a bit of a problem. Is at a lost.

OP posts:
Ivy888 · 21/09/2025 07:36

ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:25

It is a problem but she isn't a problem to be fixed. She has 2-3 close friends and is very friendly with a lot of people in her grade and she is so invested in every single one of them. She clearly looks up to one of these friends and while it's not a big deal they are the same age so I find it a bit unusual.

Teachers haven't noticed anything and honestly I cannot really tell between the two as in whether she's just a bit immature or is there a problem.

Could it be that she is in love with the friend she is very invested in? It sounds like infatuation.

Darls3000 · 21/09/2025 08:18

I know people hate labels but sometimes a description jumps out so clearly it may actually BE a thing that’s relevant to flag. This sounds like Williams Syndrome to me. Williams Syndrome. Over friendliness and sometimes called the opposite of autism. Is this something teachers have ever flagged?

Williams Syndrome: The people who are too friendly

People with Williams Syndrome treat strangers as their new best friends. Now the condition is revealing clues to our evolutionary past – and what makes us human.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20250515-williams-syndrome-the-people-who-are-too-friendly

MJShell · 21/09/2025 10:05

Im 50, im babyish, but I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD, please try to understand she's probably wired differently and loved her childhood so much that she doesn't want to leave. There is probably over 80% of adults that still act the kids at some point. Sending love and peace.

Jonnybigwallet · 21/09/2025 10:07

Hmm. Maybe get her do do some evening classes to socialise with adults.

HeartbrokenCatMum · 21/09/2025 10:10

Yes sounds ND to me, to a tee

OllieDadofthree · 21/09/2025 10:25

Your daughter sounds like a lovely person. Sounds like an Empath like my sister and I, many people would say we're nuts as we're always the most enthusiastic people in the room. Your daughter's personality will serve her well in life, strong people skills can make her very successful and fulfilled in life. Nurture her character don't stifle it. I've always thought that it's a gift to be different from others, that way, instead of being average and having an average life, you can be extraordinary and have an extraordinary life. Just make sure people out there don't take advantage of her, as she gets older she'll be able to handle this herself. Good luck :).

WhatTypeOfAnimaLIsASonic · 21/09/2025 11:45

I'm was like this (still am to an extent) but it's like to the extent I was nice as a child, I am now distrusting of people. It's a shame really. I always saw the good in people and thought they had the best intentions and when I found out that wasn't the case throughout my life, I now fundamentally mistrust most people.

Ultimately being trusting is a great trait, it's just that many people are not worthy of that and are untrustworthy (and many are simply just fallible and make mistakes and are human), so a lovely, trusting nature can become naivety and something to be wary of lest you get taken advantage of.

That being said, the post above me is a brilliant one and, harnessed in the right way, your daughter's character can be truly extraordinary and something to very much aspire to.

aDEPRESOmilcmoth · 21/09/2025 11:48

This genuinely might be autism, or another cognitive disability, it can affect growth and puberty. It's not her fault and she's not necessarily going to have a hard life just because she's unique, this sounds hard but definitely look into nurodivergent disability and see if anything would fit with her?

UnintentionalArcher · 21/09/2025 12:00

mumofoneAloneandwell · 20/09/2025 21:45

Solidarity fellow traveller ❤️

I was the same, very kind and giving and expecting the same back

My teens and early 20s, was just me being manipulated left right and centre 😪

Agree with this op, its a new world now and the kids that are autistic post about it on tiktok whilst dancing! She will be okay but i would definitely try to sort a diagnosis and social skills support before she goes to uni and is thrown in the deep end with people who will not be kind.

I would agree with this. I had the traits described (and still do), though probably to a lesser degree than the OP’s daughter does. I was fine in school - very structured environment and structured home life. Uni was mostly fine as most situations and people were benign but I definitely underachieved because I had to organise things myself. One example is that lectures on my course were optional and I took that very literally and hardly ever went! (Caveat is that a lot of the teaching was done in tutorials and a lot of independent work was expected, and lectures were secondary to that, so it’s not quite as ridiculous as it sounds but I definitely missed out).

Once out in the world in my early and mid twenties, things got a lot harder. I wasn’t equipped to deal with people who wanted to take advantage of me and I got into two awful relationships that it took me a long time to get out of and recover from. I think because I was an academic high achiever and seemed to function really well at school (no issues around friendship etc, involved in everything socially) nobody ever thought there was an issue. I’ve since been diagnosed with ADHD and I suspect I’d also get an ASD diagnosis.

What I would suggest is taking the time to really teach your daughter about the world and its dangers. Talk through examples and scenarios that she could find herself in. Encourage her to be open with you.

My parents didn’t explicitly teach me the nuances of how to understand people’s behaviours and keep myself safe. This isn’t a criticism of them because they just wouldn’t have been aware there was an issue - different times as well. She will be who she will be, but she will also be able to learn to spot certain signs and moderate her interactions where she needs to - mainly to keep safe, but also in situations that require it, e.g. work.

Nurse08 · 21/09/2025 12:18

Maybe start to increase her household responsibilities in preparation for independent living.
Can she manage a grocery shopping and store the food correctly? Do laundry, start to teach her about finances etc. Be aware ofover parenting

ThePoliteLion · 21/09/2025 13:22

beardediris · 19/09/2025 16:52

I know someone pretty well with Williams Syndrome it’s very rare they usuallyhave very distinctive facial features and significant learning difficulties I’d be amazed if it wasn’t picked up earlier than 17.

A family member has this Syndrome and was diagnosed early - at age 3/4. It was clear from a very young age that there were special needs.

bondix · 21/09/2025 16:28

Girls often present differently to boys if neurodivergent but I’d just remind you that although 18 is officially an adult kids are often more 24 years old before their brain catches up.
Are her close friends good friends?? Maybe just remind her that not everyone is as good intentioned as she is.

LHP118 · 21/09/2025 16:48

ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:32

I do think it's a problem yeah. I haven't completely ruled out ND or SEND but growing up it has never crossed my mind nor has anyone suggested it to me.

You are a lovely 😍 Mum. Genuinely concerned for the safety and safeguarding of your child.

Have you ever spoken to her about her social interactions and her feelings around it?

I've spoken to my child about this as they're neurodiverse, and because I recognised it as a conversation to be had (so very different, of course, when one has a diagnosis and the identified related support need, versus none) but it's been a work in progress, and continues to be, since they were 11 / just before secondary.

How would she feel with an informal discussion about it now? You'd have to ensure it's an open conversation, and there's no misunderstanding or that she doesn't feel like she's being judged or made to get defensive.

We're so unique / individual that it's hard to assess something on face value. I've had friends who are either the youngest in the year or are petite compared to everyone, and need a bit more time/space/opportunity to catch up... But I've also got friends that are sincerely innocent (and likely neurodiverse); no idea how in today's world. They are the absolute minority.

Hopefully, you can speak with her...
and work on next steps together the way that best suits her and her needs.

Perhaps, also consider speaking to school. With my child, they're aware I talk to school both on their behalf and as a parent. It's always best that your soon-to-be adult child is aware you're talking to school in their best interests, and are happy with that....

MJShell · 21/09/2025 19:40

My son is 21, thinks he knows best, hates people, think they are all wrong and he's always right. But I worry he'll be too much of a no-it-all to become a good dad, as he hasn't seen much life skills. He lost his dad when he was 5 and I haven't met anyone since for him to look up to. Im also neurodiverse so he hates me coz I'm to hypo, he says he loves me coz I'm his mum, but he said he'd never choose to speak to a person like me if he didn't have to. What should I say or do? The way he speaks to me upsets me.

Snaketime · 21/09/2025 21:07

It sounds an awful lot like autism to me. The problem is ND is generally very difficult to pick up on in girls as all the check lists are for boys and girls present differently, they are also much better at masking.

MJShell · 21/09/2025 22:04

This should have been a separate thread up for discussion. Whoops!

MJShell · 21/09/2025 22:07

Have you answered for me or the original post Snaketime?

Justworkingitout · 22/09/2025 07:48

ThisSillyAquaPlayer · 19/09/2025 11:06

I have a 17 years old daughter, and frankly, she is very very eccentric. She acts so much younger than her age and everyone her age kind of sees her as a little sister. That is not necessarily a problem but she also looks and sound way younger than someone her age typically would. She is graduating from high school next year and she will be officially an adult.

She gets so attached to everyone and greets people very enthusiastically even though they might not return the same energy. When she gets excited she gets really excited and she looks up to certain people a lot. Obviously she's not a problem to be fixed but I do think this is a bit of a problem. Is at a lost.

I think your concerns are natural. I do think it may be worth exploring whether she is neurodivergent - autism comes to mind. Regarding autism there is no ‘one type fits all’! Even if you don’t get a formal diagnosis it may help you understand her ‘quirks/traits’. Also if she starts to question herself or maybe struggles to understand other people then you’ll have more of an understanding - as she will.

Genevieve29 · 22/09/2025 14:22

Sorry, a bit late to the party, here, but OP, she sounds just like my daughter (now in Y10) who is diagnosed Autistic and is awaiting an additional diagnosis for ADHD. Because mine is academically able (also hopes to go to uni in a few years time), she too would not have given school any reason to flag her. They don't want to add to the already huge work-load of the SENs caused by the inclusion of all kids, for which they are under-funded. I had to push quite hard to get her recognition for the unusual way she behaves socially - she is, as you describe your daughter, very enthusiastic about people, considers them all to be her "friends", idolises one of the 2 "real" friends she has, etc. She too is young compared to her peers, and more dependent on us than her older sisters ever were. She has no interest in makeup, fashion or boys, things her peers are into. We are pursuing the additional ADHD diagnosis because it is that aspect that causes more concern; the lack of executive function demonstrated by her inability to plan tasks in a sequential way, e.g. it was a revelation to her when I suggested she take her clean underwear into the bathroom with her, so that she does not appear on the landing stark naked after her shower!

She could possibly cook for herself, in as much as she is perfectly capable of following a recipe, but she is likely to get distracted, walk away and leave food to burn. So uni is going to be quite a challenge, socially and prractically, rather than academiclaly. And that's why I'm glad to have official diagnoses - so that "reasonable adjustments" will need to be made by the university (which may still need to be local-ish, so that she can live at home.)

There's nothing "wrong" with her, she's a delight, but acknowledging her differences means we can plan how best to help her become a fully-fledged adult. Helping her to become capable of living happily in a society that does not see things from her perspective is not "fixing her" - it's just good for her to understand why she thinks differently (but not wrongly!)

BeAquaTiger · 28/09/2025 05:40

Have you considered ADHD? Its very different in girls and being trusting of others and not aware that their intentions may not be good does leave them open to being taken advantage of. There are online quizzes for screening for ADHD and autism that might help you decide if this is likely the underlying reason. It is helpful to know for possible employment support and so they can be aware not everyone is kind and honest like them. Its very common for people pleasing girls to go through school unnoticed by teachers but then really struggle once they leave and are out in the adult world.

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