to ask if you are not a lady who lunches but don't have a job what do you do all day?

[ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers]

I am a SAHM with 4 kids. I didn't want to become a SAHM but 3 are ND and it soon became obviously that one of us had to provide stability. Fast forward many years and my kids range in age from 25 to 15. I am in the process of getting divorced due to him finding a younger woman with only 1 child and basically leaving, not only me but his kids.

Sorry but didn't want to drip feed.

Personally, even though my kids now range in age from 25 to 15 I still struggle to find time in the day to eat let alone lunch! I'm finding it increasingly offensive that my ex thinks I'm sat at home doing bugger all but how do you explain the endless toll of mundaneness that is my daily life! DD2 fell desperately ill and spent 11 days in hospital but doesn't want to defer uni so I spent 3 days buying and making over 30 individual parcelled meals which I then spent another day taking up to her and cleaning her flat. At the same time DS1 has just finished school and I honestly thought that 6th form would have prepared him better for going out to work! He didn't even know to collect his exam certificates (though that may well be my bad as his two older sisters didn't need prompting). Trying to get him to think through application forms for apprenticeships and temporary jobs for Xmas is driving me insane. I'm also tiling the bathroom as we're going to have to sell the house and I would like to make as much profit as possible. This is all on top of all the other mind numbingly boring jobs such as dinner, cleaning, housework and helping the youngest with her homework.

I'm also having to look at retraining as, of course, I gave up my wonderful career and now need to rebuild. As for ex - he does f^&*k all. Doesn't believe the kids need him and can't be bothered to respond whenever they ask anything of him. At some point I shall have to show my son how to use a razor.

What's your day been like?

Does your child go to school?

I've got chronic fatigue so it depends....some days I'm fine, some I'm on the sofa most of the day.

When I'm fine, I have a very leisurely breakfast and cup of tea and take my dog for a walk. Then I try to do yoga. Then I have lunch, play online Scrabble, read Mumsnet (which I actually find very toxic but I find it takes less energy to read than a book), read books, watch YouTube videos, take dog out again, make dinner for me and son (when he's home from uni), faff about on computer and go to bed.

It's awful actually and my mental health is in tatters. I feel like I'm in prison, but I'm moving house soon and starting a dog boarding business on a very small scale.

Oh I'm autistic with two autistic DS's....the stress and anxiety has wrecked my health.

I recently became a SAHM mum, and I'm not comfortable with it yet. After a very stressful, high pressure job, I feel very guilty if I'm not extremely busy doing something! Also feel like my brain cells are dying off 😕However, it has given me the chance to catch up on the million and one things needing done around the house....

This describes my life as a SAHM. So i took over everything and really regret it

That's not a lady who lunches it's a SAHM. Very different from being a non working divorcee with adult children

I had to give up my job due to a deterioration in my health.

i wake up in the morning feeling very anxious and spend my whole day in a state of anxiety.

I do bits and bobs around the house but I mostly feel sad and shit about how much my health has changed and how my lifestyle has had to change as a result. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. It breaks my heart how much my children’s lifestyle has had to change too.

I spend my days clock watching, waiting for my children to come home from school because at least when they’re back it means I’m not alone which means I don’t feel as scared or as anxious. I’m scared to be home alone, but I don’t go out as I’m scared to be out alone too.

And amongst all this I put a smile on my face and pretend that I’m ok and life is good.

So yeah, that’s how I spend my days as a SAHM.

I dont work due to disabilities. If you think that makes me privileged then feel free to swap places with me.

I’m doing an Open University degree.

This is it

Even if you did nothing, which you dont, you deserve your fair share in the divorce

You dont need to retrain if you dont want to. He needs to make sure that you and your children are financially taken care of

Do not give him a list of what you do, it will definitely be used against you x

honestly, whatever i fancy doing. get up, coffee, gets kids up, breakfast, ready for school then leave etc. 2 school runs, get back, tidy up, washing on, prep dinner maybe start some house diy. pick up DS13 from sen school at lunchtime, come home, potter about either diy stuff, or go out shopping. maybe have a nap, pick up DD8, homework with her, relax whilst they play outside. make dinner, showers then bed.

i stopped working 2 years ago, combination of my health and DS's problems and honestly i love it. i love having the freedom to do whatever i fancy everyday

I wish you the best of luck with your dog boarding business 😊

@Newsenmum At the moment, anything I can do within school/wraparound hours.

I had a long career before having a child but carrying it on would have meant full time childcare from when he was a year old. Financially, it wouldn't have made sense and I also didn't want that for him or for us as a family.

It's been a tight few years but we're through it now and although I am restricted in what I can do, I'm looking forward to trying something new and meeting new people! An admin role would be ideal, I'm not keen on wfh as I don't want to be isolated. I'd love to start my own business but no capital to do so and I'm not sure this is the right economic climate.

The dream would be a 3 day a week role, about 21 hours a week with potential to develop as my child gets older.

Today - booked online shopping, banking, tidied, dishwasher, washing in and hung out, put washing away, recycling, cut grass front and back, dried out garden cushions, post office, shop for bread, School run, Park, baked with children, supervised outside playing, put to bed. Tomorrow I will gym, have a coffee with friend, pick up parcel, petrol, cleaning, prepare dinner.
Yes I have time to go to the gym but the jobs are relentless. My DH is currently working on his own business so this is how we choose to live our lives and everyone is happy with it x

I’m at stay at home mum to a one year old so the vast majority of my day is spent caring for her. I fit in a bit of housework at naptime. My husband works part time (32 hours home early afternoon) so is a massive help with our child.

If my children were between 15-25 I’d probably consider paid work again, but ultimately I don’t think I actually want to go back to paid employment ever and am just grateful to have the option. At this stage of my life I’d probably be quite happy to have a slower pace of life but being actively involved in 4 children’s lives is always going to be a big time commitment. In an ideal world I’d love to help look after hypothetical grandchildren (if I’m lucky enough to have any) 30ish years from now.

There’s no shame in not being in paid employment, the important thing is to have a strong financial set up for yourself and a supportive husband. I’m really sorry your husband has let you down.

I do work, but am currently unemployed (made redundant). It's all very new to me.
This is how today went.
Up at 7am. DS2 had split with his GF the day before so I wanted to be around for him this morning and be nice. Made his lunch and saw him off to 6th form.
Went back to bed with a cuppa to play Candy Crush.
Made myself get up, dressed and out for a walk. I'm quite low.
Started a job application.
Household jobs.
Made an apple and blackberry crumble with locally foraged fruit.
Did some cross stitch. I've had it for years but only now do I have time to work on it. I'm giving it to my sister for her Birthday.
More housework.
Went to running club. Popped into Lidl on the way back.

DS1 (adult) is home for a bit before he goes travelling. He cooked a roast.
I'm about to do the clear up.

I will apply for jobs and do loads of house tidying (under beds that sort of thing). What I really want is to find a job while I've still got redundancy money and have a few weeks were I can really enjoy some time off.

I’m on long term sick ( cancer).
My days comprise of taking care of pets, cooking, chemo, bloods, appointments, house work, meetings with my manager, coffee with a colleague ( if well), taking DS 17 to work, picking up DS, tidying garden and resting.

Yeah, i'm really spoiled and privileged having almost died from a brain hemorrhage at 32 years of age (after a burst aneurysm). It's pure luck I'm still alive.

I will admit that I'm privileged to have a very supportive DH that supports my decision to be a SAHM considering my memory, fatigue and mental health is still shit a lot of the time.

Nothing to add other than I am in awe of you....and despise your ex

I have to say if you have time to spend on things like making 30 meals it does sound like your days are quite easy!
@FrogOfFroggHall Well I don't suppose they were 30 completely different meals. If she did, say, 6 cottage pies, 6 lasagne, 6 chilli - that is all the same base to start with. Maybe 6 fish pie and 6 something else. Sorted. I remember doing similar for myself in my last term before my finals (1984!!!) because I thought it would be good to save myself cooking and shopping time so I had more time to study.

However, from a practical POV I wonder about the storage of these meals. If she is in a shared flat/ house with one freezer between them won't the other students be a bit put out to find nearly half the storage space taken up with one person's food. Yes, that also happened to me.

And I ended up getting bored of eating the same stuff over and over.

I’m interested to know what will happen from a legal/financial point of view. I understand that your (nearly grown-up) children have additional needs but surely the courts dealing with the financial separation will still expect the OP to get a job now her youngest child is 15 and her oldest is 25? She cannot keep being a SAHM forever, surely?!

Yoga session or meditation or swim at 7am most days. Then get kids up, empty dishwasher make flasks for packed lunches, feed dog and cats, put on wash/hang out a wash. Get older 2 to school bus. Take youngest 2 to school.(8 miles )do any drop.ins /assemblies/school appointments /evening performances. Run or gym for 1-2 hours 3x per week.. Walk dog for an hour every day. All.gardening/washing/cooking/cleaning/school admin/school governance work includes training and meetings /reading. At 3pm lifts start for all children's after school pick ups and activities - trumpet/clarinet/flute/choir/tap /ballet/football/karate/jazz band/cricket/games clubs/playdates/ Scouts/cubs. Cook and clear supper for kids. Batch cook for kid's lunches and freezer.Meal plan/food shop/ Supervise homework/music practice/reading spellings for younger ones/ organize older ones for next day uniform/homework etc. Cook and clean up our own supper. Wash. Bed. Holidays look after 4 kids plus the above. No time for lunching!

7:00am alarm
Breakfast
Pilates
Errands:
Pop into town to return something/ very quick browse
Supermarket £35 - few fresh bits for the next couple of days and and some laundry stuff
Home - lunch
A girlfriend called for a chat
Did some life admin/ emails/ booked a train/ caught up with finances,
Ironing whilst hanging around waiting for a plumber to come
Hoover car out
Errands:
Pick up some bits in Boots
Popped into a housey shop and bought a new throw
Home
Spoke with a girlfriend who’s really poorly
Prepped dinner
Sat on the sofa and chilled/ scrolled for a bit
Husband arrived home - made dinner and cleared away
Watched an episode of the show we’re currently into
Bath
Got into bed - one of our kids FaceTimed for a catch up
I’ll put my phone down in a minute and pick up my book
Lights out 11:00pm

I volunteer 1 morning a week, go to adult college 2 mornings a week + do assigned homework, and apply for jobs in-between. Sometimes volunteer at DC's primary as well.
Everything else similar to PPs, minus gym/dog-walking/gardening. Going to college gave me new energy.

Live in a warm climate with no short days in the winter. Yoga every day. Swim in the ocean most days. Play football once a week. Meet up for knitting & natter every other week. Hike the mountain trails. Grow all my own fruit and veg currently cropping mangos. If I get a minute read in the shade on the terrace. Language class 3 x per week. Trying to learn a musical instrument. Do the least amount of house work that I can live with. Cook from scratch most days. Have a lot of visitors coming for a holiday so driving them about. Not enough hours in the day really.