to ask if you are not a lady who lunches but don't have a job what do you do all day?

[ICanBuyMyOwnFlowers]

I am a SAHM with 4 kids. I didn't want to become a SAHM but 3 are ND and it soon became obviously that one of us had to provide stability. Fast forward many years and my kids range in age from 25 to 15. I am in the process of getting divorced due to him finding a younger woman with only 1 child and basically leaving, not only me but his kids.

Sorry but didn't want to drip feed.

Personally, even though my kids now range in age from 25 to 15 I still struggle to find time in the day to eat let alone lunch! I'm finding it increasingly offensive that my ex thinks I'm sat at home doing bugger all but how do you explain the endless toll of mundaneness that is my daily life! DD2 fell desperately ill and spent 11 days in hospital but doesn't want to defer uni so I spent 3 days buying and making over 30 individual parcelled meals which I then spent another day taking up to her and cleaning her flat. At the same time DS1 has just finished school and I honestly thought that 6th form would have prepared him better for going out to work! He didn't even know to collect his exam certificates (though that may well be my bad as his two older sisters didn't need prompting). Trying to get him to think through application forms for apprenticeships and temporary jobs for Xmas is driving me insane. I'm also tiling the bathroom as we're going to have to sell the house and I would like to make as much profit as possible. This is all on top of all the other mind numbingly boring jobs such as dinner, cleaning, housework and helping the youngest with her homework.

I'm also having to look at retraining as, of course, I gave up my wonderful career and now need to rebuild. As for ex - he does f^&*k all. Doesn't believe the kids need him and can't be bothered to respond whenever they ask anything of him. At some point I shall have to show my son how to use a razor.

What's your day been like?

She's my most autistic. She regularly self harms - cuts. A lot of the time I feel these are drama based, but what if she makes a mistake? Would you take that chance?

Well, elevenses and threeses, of course. I have to have a lie down in between!

(More Champagne over here, garçon - you get the idea..!)

Oh wow, give me your solution please

Dear god all you sahm are so privileged

Tis easy - you just become PM for a few weeks.

Worked for me!

I have 3 kids , one with autism
husband died 4 years ago and I work full time

you ladies who lunch, go to the gym etc don’t understand how spoiled and privileged you are

Christ. You deserve a medal!

Not really

In your opinion. I was stating mine.

Anyone can post every detail of their day and make it look ultra busy

if you don’t work then you’re super privileged

I work but part time and as my son is now 10 I feel like I'm coasting a bit. I need to step up the income/hussle.

I get up around 7, get son off to school, wash up, washer on, make beds, tidy round, walk dog, work from around 10-2/3, school pick up, hoover, sort tea, then relax a bit, iron, admin etc.

I wish I had more time for diy/decorating and my house is never clean enough. I watch TV and scroll most evenings. I wish I was more productive on a night doing things like sewing, setting up a business, reading, exercise but I'm shattered by about 7pm, I don't sleep great so often fall asleep about 9.30/10.

Look after my elderly housebound dad …then go and have a sunbed ( I know !!) and either meet my husband out for a coffee or go home and sort dinner, put the washing on…

Oh, I do. I really, really do. I fucking hate working. My life is great. I am extremely privileged and we made it so my life could be like this (mainly by moving to an absolute shithole of a place to survive on one wage!)

I am so sorry you lost your dh.

Love a good leisurely lunch, better than a working lunch.

I don’t think anyone is saying they are not? They’re just saying what they do in their days.

I was the oil in the machine, but we're retired-ish now.

You're doing fine tbh

So your husband wanted you to stay home with all of the kids, and now that they are grown up, he is upset that you have more free time than he does and wants to force you back to work!

The evil of men honestly

You're recovering from the years spent being on call 24 hours a day for several kids, plus running a house

I'd imagine youre burnt out and emotionally exhausted and need to retire, whilst still being a support system for your adult children with needs ❤️

I don’t understand about the 30 meals? Was she not getting fed in hospital? And if she was out of hospital why is the fact she was in hospital relevant? And why 30?

Surely just doing her a lasagne and/or a shepherds pie or something to see her through the couple of days after getting back from hospital would be more than sufficient.

I have to say if you have time to spend on things like making 30 meals it does sound like your days are quite easy! There’s nothing wrong with that. We would all like to have easy lives. It also sounds like things are about to get harder if you’ll be working too.

I do think your husband is being unfair saying you do nothing. You obviously do a lot for your family and go the extra mile. It doesn’t sound that taxing though, apart from your daughter being ill, which hopefully was a one-off and she’s better now.

Wake up
Get kids ready for school
Take kids to school
Go for an hours walk - this is the time I might arrange to see friends or meet my mum etc
Run any errands that need doing, most days involve having a few things I need to do
Get home. Have a coffee. Sort the laundry (my husband works from home so he puts a wash on while I’m out)
Make lunch for us both
Prep dinner - I usually make 2 nights worth, so on the day I don’t cook I bake a cake for after school snacks, and on a Thursday I clean the whole house /change beds etc etc (I don’t walk on this day!)
Sort the house
Pick the kids up
If not raining we usually go out for an hour to the park
Come home. They have showers, get into comfies. Do their fruit bowls.
We have a snuggle, might read, might do crafts.
Make pack lunches for next day.
Heat dinner.
Eat together as a family.
Husband washes up
sometimes they have football training or other things
Get them ready for bed - husband will put them to bed.
I do my end of the day tidy up. I like to mop the kitchen floor, wipe everything down, give all bathrooms a quick wipe down.
Have a shower.
… relax. 😅

I do also do the marketing for mine and mu husbands company so somewhere in all this I fit that in too. I love my busy days and always grateful that I get to drop them and pick them up, and be home with them every chance I get ❤️

Op, this is all beside the point. You do not owe him an explanation of how you manage your time. Do not fall into the trap of sending him 'a list of what you do'. He will likely try to use it against you. We all know there's an endless bloody list of non stop drudgery for many women day in, day out. Just because he has absolutely no idea of the reality of your work load, doesn't mean you have to prove it to him. He will never acknowledge it or respect it. He is a prize twat.
I hope you have a shit hot lawyer. Probably the reason he wants you to get a job is because that way you won't get as much in the settlement.

This thread has made me get off my ass and go and change the bedsheets, do the pots and sort some washing 😀

Yes i do, but he has cerebral palsy, so he does help where he can like if dd21 months is taking longer to settle he will get ds10 ready for bed or pick up toys in the evening while im doing bedtime routines etc but honestly if he burns himself out it makes the days that follow more difficult for me, he used to work construction and it nearly broke him, i was having to get him dressed at one point, my days are busy but i thrive on being busy lol xx
edited for spelling mistake.

Surely just doing her a lasagne and/or a shepherds pie or something to see her through the couple of days after getting back from hospital would be more than sufficient.

Maybe if it was for a neighbour, and not the OP's flesh, and blood. I would help any Daughter of mine with cooking food, for as long as I could, if needed.

Leisurely breakfast, chores, reading, learning something, sewing, TV, walking, Pilates, cooking, dinner, chores, TV, bed.

There are enough hours in the day for all the things I’d like to do.

Sport, shopping, library, garden in the summer, lots of lie ins.