to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL Thread 2

[GooseAndSandals]

Continuation of previous thread.

I have strong views on this too, and can’t say it in real life because as a childfree woman people already assume I hate children. Truth is I don’t, but I do dislike and shocked by how so many women are apathetic and even indifferent when it comes to getting pregnant and having children by useless/unsuitable men. Of course the men are to blame too but biologically as women we pay the ultimate price and are left holding the baby -literally and figuratively so we need to be proactive in protecting ourselves.

I can also say in Ireland people are even more reluctant to say any of this than in Britain, not sure if it’s because the Irish are more pro life or politically correct but there’s a clear difference over there. There appear to be more on benefits long term by choice there (the type that pop out a kid every few years by a new deadbeat and are eternally single) and yet it’s a complete taboo to have an opinion on it.

Im quite cold. For example my work colleagues brother died and my 1st thought was oh great ill have to do her work. My ex has a bowel condition and again I thought this better not mess my childcare up.

I killed the thread. Sorry.

The thread had slowed anyway.

I don't think that's necessarily cold. Depends how close you are to work colleague and ex? Do you care about anyone?

My ex was abusive so that's on him. I do care about people but I don't tell them I show in other ways I suppose ie. I will help MIL move house etc. I won't tell her I care though lol. I think im quite self centred.

Can i just say a huge thank you to everyone who has posted on this and the first thread.
Ive always dreamt of the day my father will die but I've always felt so guilty feeling that. I'm obviously not alone.
Ive also considered ending it all when my DC are all grown up and dont need me anymore. Sometimes I resent them cos I feel like they've tied me to life if that makes sense?
Reading these threads has shown me im not the only one feeling these things.
Thank you and I hope everyonr has the support they need.

@GoldWhiteandBlue they'll know by your actions. I know people who don't express love but I can feel it. You sound like a good person.

Currently feeling a bit guilty about feeling this way. I have a work colleague who is very nice but whose grandmother has (somewhat) recently died. I know in my mind that grief impacts everyone differently but it had been months now of teary breakdowns multiple times a day, time off, reduced hours and generally everyone having to treat her like glass. She's in her late 30s and her grandmother was in her 90s and it was as peaceful a death as you can have albeit "unexpected". I AM really trying to be mindful that mental health and grief can be tricky but it just feels like a lot and I am starting to inwardly eyeroll with every sudden dash to the toilets/stock room/managers office. My own DF has been recently diagnosed with very fast moving dementia and it's truly horrifying to watch, I think that might be clouding my empathy. Urgh, I feel like a horrible person writing that out.

Honestly you won't be the only one who feels like that. It puts so much weight on a team. .

@Rottenbanana250 I'd be the same as you and I'm a soft arse. She obviously has other stuff going on and needs help.

Now we're on work. There is a woman perfectly pleasant who tbf has some home issues and some health issues. I sometimes dread her coming into the office as her voice is quite moany and she seems to think her parents should be doing everything for her and her family. She's in her 40s.

@AliceMaforethought 💐 I am sure there’s other sides to you that you can value. Hopefully.

I am a very ‘together’ person. People judge me on my successful job, polished appearance, articulation, happily married with a lovely little family. Inside I am still the self conscious, self critical, unpolished, poor and traumatised girl who grew up in total alcohol and violent fuelled dysfunction protecting my younger siblings and praying for the day I could leave. I learned very quickly I needed to put on a front and work to earn money to get out of the situation. I learned appearences matter. I feel very uncomfortable with any type of praise but even more so with pity. I don’t ever speak of my childhood or my parents. I’m embarrassed by them and resent them so much. I don’t even speak of my childhood with DH of 18 years incase the facade shatters and I lose the life I’ve built running away from my past. I bury it all and pretend my life has always been normal. Every so often it rears its ugly head and I consider therapy but the shame and discomfort talking about any of it makes me bury that thought. I don’t want to relive any of it. I don’t love my DF. I tolerate him for DM’s sake because I despise any drama. I have an aversion for raised voices and tense atmospheres. Sends me into flight mode and I struggle containing my reaction so will quietly distance myself from any anticipated conflict. Even with DH.

I have 5. 2 single girls. Then twin girls. Then a surprise boy. I lost my first at 37 wks, a boy. But we didn't keep trying for a boy. 4 girls, we were happy. I was supposed to be sterilised at the c section when I had the twins. Knowing they were girls. But with complications and emergency section at 32 wks it didn't happen. I fell pregnant quite soon after and had a boy. I hate people thinking we kept trying for a boy. We didnt. Although we are very blessed. And no benefits, always paid for our own children. Nobody knows others stories. I was petrified my whole pregnancy with my last baby.

Well we had flags put up in my street. By my next door neighbours dad. Ive known him years. Hes never worked a day in his life. Always been on the sick for a "bad back" and pissed by 10am. But can climb a 6ft ladder to hang a flag infront of my foreign neighbours house to complain they "nicking our jobs" he doesn't even live in this street!

I hate my brothers politics. Hes such a hypocrite. Hes married to a woman who is from another country. She is amazing btw. But hes all for Donald Trump. Thinks hes amazing.
We grew up in a council house, and he hates people on benefits etc. Although we wouldn't have actually survived if my mum hadn't claimed benefits.
Hes living the high life now,but its all on credit.

There's so much going round in my head that I can't express to anyone; I can feel my lips moving sometimes when I'm thinking out walking, people must think I'm mad. I'm 48 and now looking back wonder if I made the right life choices. Outwardly I'm outgoing and friendly. Inside I wish I had a different life.