to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL Thread 2

[GooseAndSandals]

Continuation of previous thread.

I regularly wish for the extinction of the human race.

Hope everyone on here is ok. Very often if you think you're not loveable or useful it's because some negative shitbox has convinced you of that, not because it's true x

I really love a good world disaster. I get totally hooked on reading everything there is about it. Tsunami, earthquakes ........ I'm in.

I only feel worthy of love, and actually happy when I am slimmer. I have nothing against anyone else being overweight - but I could never be overweight myself as I have used my looks to get by my whole life.
I wasn’t loved as I should have been as a child. Nobody taught me how to adult - I was just thrown out and expected to get on with it. For years my life was a mess. I’ve been with my wonderful husband for so long now, and even so I still don’t believe I’m good enough. I feel like a charlatan all the time. I’m a good, kind person and my life is good - people respond well to me, but the weight of the shame can be suffocating.

The rational side of me tells me lots of people must feel this way. I continue to be kind, advocate for my younger colleagues, support my children and just hope it’s enough in the end. As the years pass, the feeling of someone about to pull the rug does lessen, so I’m confident I’m moving in the right direction.

I'm right there with you. I am very beautiful and very vain. It's all I really value about myself, although nobody would really think it of me. I'm not the type to get botox or enhancements, and I dont really care about the male gaze, but I do live for fashion. My clothing collection must run into the tens of thousands, if not more.

You're right, and if things get any worse that's what we will do. I still resent the fact that she is so lazy and just assumes that we will be responsible for everything. Even discussing making arrangements and legal stuff, she will be all shocked Pikachu.

@Belladog1 you must have nerves of steel, that stuff terrifies me!

I am 45 and juat had my first smear test this morning.

I have a deep shame about having a body. The shameful embarrassment of having corporeal form. I don't wish to die, I just feel like everyone is embarrassed for me because I have this body.

I wasnt abused, but led to believe my body was ultimately shameful and I chose to have dirty, dirty periods and made my body grow to the size it is.

I told the doctor. She was kind.

Yesterday at 7.30am I discovered my long term AP had died suddenly

Thought he was messing about not getting my usual morning texts so checked his FB

I still can’t believe it and can’t speak about it to anybody

That's always a worry. They might cut them. I did score 4 or more points on multiple areas though, and I've had significantly more professional input from services and adult social care with demonstrable evidence of need through care assessments and need that I feel reasonably secure when it comes up for re-assessment, not to mention the ever piling list of diagnoses that have cropped up since my last assessment.

Still, they may get cut. That's true. I'm utterly unemployable long term though, so if that happens I'll just plan a swift exit and see everyone in the next life when we're all cats.

My 3rd child is a girl after 2 boys. It wasn't luck alone! Nobody will ever know exactly how far I went to ensure I had a girl.
I do not regret anything.

How did you ensure you had a girl?

Obviously don't know about this poster, but my friend said she ensured this by using the Shettles method, but research has since shown that it is ineffective.

Oh wow
is there someone you can talk to about this in RL ?

Overall, would you say it's a positive thing looking back?
Or was it just a one off rather than part of a greater pattern?

@Mynameissomething sorry for your loss but what does AP stand for?

Affair Partner, @Fatfreefatball

Fist bump @Belladog1
It's plane crash footage for me. 9/11 was simultaneously horrifying and fascinating and I will never tire of watching it.

I'm a cheerful happy person and very feminine but I absolutely love true crime and dark content like about murders, mysteries, strange camera footage, the paranormal, etc. When I relax it's my go to.

I am capable of way, way more than I achieve. To the point that I’m ashamed of how many opportunities I’ve missed.

I can’t tell anyone in real life because they’d either mock but me or give me a long list diet J shouldn’t v it.

How did you do it?!

I'm guessing sex selective termination?

Mine is that I don't really believe anyone likes the human experience but we all feel compelled to pretend so we don't upset the people we love.

I prefer the pretence.

.

I wondered if they’d used something like Microsort. www.microsort.com