to ask you to tell us something you’d never admit IRL Thread 2

[GooseAndSandals]

Continuation of previous thread.

Every day for the last fortnight I’ve thought about someone from my past and what could have been. They are married with children now so that ship has very much sailed. I don’t imagine they have thought about me in last fifteen years!

Im no-ones favourite
Not a favourite Child. Sister. Daughter. Niece. Auntie. Granddaughter. Cousin. Friend
No-ones favouite
I put so much effort into people and buying lovely presents at Christmas and Birthdays and i never get much effort back
Sad really

I wish you didnt feel like that.
I cant say anything to make you feel better but i enjoy your breakfasts so much (Im a different user name over there)

Sounds just like my mother!
I feel for you OP

Please don't be, it is a rational decision.

@MNHQ that you for your message but I'm perfectly OK with my choice. @WannaFOffOnHoliday glad you enjoy breakfast, they will continue for a while yet.

@Alloveragain44 Same. Both parents had/have Alzheimer's. It's terrifying. If I am ever diagnosed, I'm off to Switzerland. I'll have a personal fund for it.

My Dad died on my Birthday, and I'm actually quite pleased about it.

Not pleased about my Dad dying; I just love using it as an excuse for not celebrating my birthday.. I don't care about getting older either, I just think adults celebrating birthdays and getting cards and presents is really egocentric and childish. Whenever I express this opinion I get shot-down, so now I can say "I don't celebrate my birthday because it's the day my Dad died" and people shut up.

It's also a great way to prevent my sister going on about how sad she is and still mourning dad on the anniversary of his death - as it would appear insensitive of her to go oon about it on my birthday! I don't particularly care about it being my birthday, I just hate pity-fests.

I hate sentimental clap-trap and self-indulgence. To be clear: real empathy and care for others, and the expression of genuine feelings is wonderful, I just hate all the superficial special days to be happy/sad, it's a performance.

I don't wish for extinction, just a really bad natural disaster that threatens all life on Earth and requires us to forget our petty differences, renders rich and poor both equally vulnerable, and we have to all come together to combat existential doom.

Then I remember climate disaster and how close we are to the point of no-return, and I realise you'll probably get your wish.

Favourite is an interesting word, do you mean that you don't feel really important to anyone? Or do you think that everyone has favourites and we become a favourite by indulging other people?

Do you have a favourite sibling, parent or child yourself? How do you show that favouritism?

Hopefully you do feel important and valued by your family, I'm sure that many do appreciate the efforts that you make. We all have different ways of showing appreciation, some give time and practical help, some share hobbies or interests, and others like to praise or indulge with presents. We all have different styles, values, and ways of showing appreciation.

I hope you can learn to get past this horrible feeling. It was given to you whilst you were vulnerable and developing, it's not your shame it's someone else's.

You have just reminded me that I really must get another smear test. I've only had two in my life and I'm 48 now. Unfortunately we're at an age where we have to take this stuff seriously, it's really important self-care. I'm so glad you were able to do it and the doctor was kind. Perhaps you can start being kind and taking care of yourself a bit more in other ways too, can your doctor help you? You have nothing to be ashamed of.

That I feel constant guilt for bringing a child with autism into the world.

I settled when I was 21 ,married when I was 24, now 40 and wouldn't pick him again if I could have seen the sort of marriage that is now dead , that I was going to be subjected to.

I have 2 and my dh seems to be neurodiverse, didn't notice when I was in my inexperienced young 20s but having kids with autism and seeing his other famolh members get diagnosed has really turned my life upside down. My health has suffered unfortunately.

My father had a mental breakdown and disowned me after I ran around supporting him in and out of hospital for operations. That was after years of him ruunng almost every special occasion ( he just doesn't like that I kept my mum in my life and that I have autistic kids) Im so glad he disowned me , he was horrible and aggressive and stressful to be around. He isn't missed.

Are you still with him or have you ditched him? (I hope you have!). I think sadly settling is more likely between 20 and 30. Strangely I can ALWAYS tell when a woman has settled for her partner, mainly just the way they "look"/act together in public. I've also seen their partners become virtually invisible once the wedding is over and babies come along, and they seem to be only kept around for a second (or even their sole) income and an extra pair of hands in the house/with the kids and to fix the house and car. A bit sad for the men and I wonder if they know/realise they've been "settled" for. For the women, it becomes very apparent and quite soul destroying after the wedding/babies, but now they're stuck with kids and a mortgage (and at least they're not alone). Another reality is that sadly the majority of men are painfully average or even full on crap, so women dont have much to choose from if they really want marriage and a family. This is why I'm so glad I never wanted kids- that urge/desire overrides everything I've been told. I never date men I don't really fancy.

I met a man and found out after a few months he was married. I was smitten and carried on seeing him (was well against my morals) but I was crazy about him. I still am. He's currently going though his divorce. We live together and are blissfully happy. We plan to marry next year. Both in our 50s.

Same here, there seems to be a few of us.

Match their effort . Spend the rest of the money on yourself.

Who was the lady chatting to Drew Barrymore and said all the unmarried/not engaged men should be on an app called "What's Left..." 😂

As a child,I had nothing nice (my narc mother refused to spend money on us)

All my clothes/shoes/coats where 4th/5th/6th hand and none of it was nice and if my mother decided something (like our toys or other possessions) had to go,off they went

Now I'm older,I spend silly amounts of money on clothes (I'm eco conscious so buy from charity shops,vinted and ebay)

I will wear something nice,get bored with it and send it off to the charity shop

My dp thinks it's a silly quirk but it's because I'm trying to dress smaller me in pretty clothes and shoes

I lost all my childhood toys (she binned them) and it's cost me thousands to replace them (just to say I own them)

This resonates xxx

It is and it’s not true! I can guarantee you ARE lovable!

Same. I don’t have children and my partner is 10+ years older than me. I’m likely to be alone for the last few years of my life. I’m in charge of where and when (unless life intervenes and does the job for me quickly and (hopefully) reasonably painlessly)

Because I’m a relatively ‘polished’ person that my life is very straightforward and enviable. I am fortunate in many ways, however many people who have been through horrific things will present an image of being the opposite of those things, as a way of distancing from the trauma and not wanting to be defined by it. Essentially my over achieving and social competence is a trauma response. This has also resulted in a serious autoimmune diagnosis this year, which again most people don’t understand the realities of as I always ‘look great’ and I’m mindful of not dumping on people.

I understand this feeling. You are not alone 🩷