Aunts friendship with young couple

[Georgienne]

Hello all, so my aunt is 70, my father passed away 3 years ago and her husband passed away 2 years ago, she never had any children of her own so my brother and I are her only living family left.
She has lived in the same flat in London for most of her adult life, I highly doubt she will ever leave it, she is still active, goes on cruises, has a handful of local friends though many of her close friends left London when they retired.

I try to visit her about once a month, I don’t live in London myself but she was always an incredible aunt to me and my brother, I also encourage my son who lives in London to go and visit her although he seldom does.

Today I went to see her for the afternoon, and she told me that over the last few months she has developed a friendship with a young couple who live upstairs from her. They are Italian and Swiss, mid 20s. Apparently they have been picking up shopping for her, helping her move furniture and have cooked for her a few times. She seems rather fond of them. She wasn’t feeling very well a few weeks ago and apparently they really rallied round her, cooking, shopping, running errands etc. she didn’t tell me she was ill or I would have gone and looked after her myself.

She is quite the technophobe (I know that many her age are quite proficient with tech but she has rejected it), she has a computer and a landline, and a very simple mobile (not a smart phone). But apparently they have helped her book a trip to save her going into a travel agents etc.

She also doesn’t like going into central London alone now, so was talking about how the young girl had taken her into central London as she needed some new clothes and wanted more variety etc.

I haven’t met them but I’m really unsure what to think of this. I’m really worried that they may be taking advantage or her in some way though she seems totally unconcerned and when we got back to her flat she showed me some pasta they had made her incase she didn’t feel like cooking etc. She told me they have never asked her for money, but sometimes if she was out with friends and stopped into Gail’s or similar she would pick them up a gift card as a thank you.

I don’t know if I’m just very untrusting but I have children in their mid 20s and while I’d like to think they would help if asked I don’t think they would ever even consider going this far for someone they don’t know.

AIBU to be worried?

Are you worried they are going to nick your inheritance?!
Nothing you've said sounds dodgy, you are fond of her, why shouldn't she make some friends who happen to be younger?

I would keep an eye. But honestly would not be too worried. I had a very elderly man live opposite me when I was in my final year at uni. I would always chat to him and if we cooked a Sunday dinner I would have brought him a plate. I think the Swiss and Italian culture would be to look after their elders. They could be just very nice people.

70 isn’t old so I imagine she knows what she’s doing? They mightn’t have much family in. London themselves and like the connection with their neighbors , they sound nice tbf and it’s nice for you to know there’s someone there in an emergency?

You aunt sounds like the sort of person who is more than capable of looking after herself. Unless you have any real reason to believe otherwise I would keep your nose out.

We're a bit older than 20s but we have a similar relationship with our next door neighbour who lives on her own. She has needed support recently and we've been there for her with absolutely no ill intentions.

The majority of people are decent human beings.
Maybe they like and care about your aunt? Surely it's not that hard to believe.

My oldest who is 24 does similar for his neighbour who was widowed last year.

He takes him to his men's shed club, they go out for the odd pint, he will get him a bit of shopping, and sometimes just stop in for a chat.

It's a friendship, maybe a little unconventional, but my son does errands and keeps him company, and his neighbour regales him with stories of his very colourful youth.

I think it's sweet, and this couple sound similar, they just like your aunts company and are happy to help her out where they can.

I think you're projecting a bit here because your son, who is a similar age, to this couple doesn't bother with his great aunt. Yet this unrelated couple do care for your aunt and you think they're after her money. Would you rather they didn't bother like your son and left her alone?

We have a 90 year old next door neighbour that we take care of. We pick up bits of shopping, DH does odd jobs in her house, and we pop in on her daily and have a cup of tea as she lives alone and has no family apart from a niece and nephew. They both live locally and rarely visit. We help her with admin and making calls and appointments but won’t help her with financial stuff. DH will give her a lift to the bank for day-to-day stuff, but won’t get involved in anything involving finances.

We do it because we feel sorry for her and she’s a lovely lady. I’d be very upset if her family thought that we were on the make. Especially as they don’t put themselves out to help her.

Your aunt’s neighbours sound like a lovely young couple and you should be very grateful to them and relieved that she’s got people looking out for her.

I think you should be happy for her that she has friends who are nearby and can be relied upon as good friends should. I am in my 40s and have similar friendships with some of my neighbours. I’d be horrified if I thought any of their relatives thought I had suspicions intentions!
You may be her closest relative but you don’t own her life. Feeling protective is good but don’t try to control or curb her.

Given they live in the same building, why don’t you pop upstairs to thank them and exchange numbers. I’d talk to them on the assumption they are being genuine but you will soon know if it’s not.

❤️ this is lovely

I agree with @FuzzyWolf, introduce yourself to them and warmly thank them for helping your auntie, especially as they did more when she was unwell.

You’ll get a sense of what they’re like and if they are dodgy ( which they probably aren’t), it’ll let them know that you keep an eye on your auntie iyswim.

My nephew is a postman and has a very rural round. Little old ladies bake him cakes, home made biscuits and make him a cup of tea and he collects their prescriptions from the chemists and drops them in for them. It's good to offer help when you can.

I’d be cautious in your shoes too OP-my aunt was befriended by a young couple and she ended up giving them loads of money. She’d always been very sharp and should have seen through them but she had early onset dementia and no one had realised. It’s probably time you met this couple, at least to give yourself peace of mind that they’re genuine.

When I was in my 20s not only did I help my single elderly neighbour I also sat with him in hospital when he sadly passed away, his small family were also scattered around the country. I also looked out for an elderly neighbour whose daughter lived in another country. Nothing dodgy about it and no money changed hands. Some young people actually like elderly people, in my case it was because both of them reminded me of my Grandparents.

I can understand why you may be weary but they may be genuine. She goes off on holidays and is active, sounds like she’s ok.

I take a lady in our village out often, I buy her shopping and pick up her medication. She doesn’t have children and we are very isolated where we live. We both enjoy each others company.

Listen to a few of the Shadow World podcasts on BBC Sounds and see if that helps at all - I too would be very suspicious!

Keep an eye on the situation but I wouldn't be suspicious. Me and my husband (early 30s) have had a similar relationship with our elderly neighbour who lives alone for about 5 years now. We help him a lot with his shopping, doctors appointments, keeping him company etc. He has offered us money for doing things for him but we don't accept it, we just like him and don't want him to struggle on his own.

Sounds like they are just being neighbourly, my husband and I help our elderly neighbour who is widowed, we don't mind helping as her children live far away, and can't be there on a daily basis.

I think it's ok to introduce yourself and thank them, perhaps exchange numbers, but feel we live in rather sad times when a nice deed is considered to have ulterior motives.

They sound like lovely neighbours and it sounds like they enjoy each other's company a bit. Keep an eye on things but assuming your aunt isn't demented or otherwise vulnerable, I think she is lucky to have such neighbours. If she does decide to leave them something one day that's nice too although if she is only seventy she may well have another twenty years yet.

Nothing you’ve said sounds suspicious, although the help booking a holiday online would involve her paying something, and if it’s on their device the card details could be saved. That’s the only thing that jumped out. I like to think that 99% of people have only good intentions which does leave us with 1%. Id go up and introduce myself to them - you’ll get a feel for the situation when meeting them.

When I was in my early 20s my BF of the time developed a lovely friendship with my grandfather who was mid 80s - even after we split up he continued to visit, do odd jobs for him etc
When he died a few years later my DM asked him if he wanted anything from the house as a memento and he asked for a small side table (of no great value) ad they used to sit there together and share a whisky and cigarette
I have also had many age gap friendships usually with older ladies and expect nothing other than their company

It’s a shame that this is regarded oddly. When I was a student in a flat share with my 20 something mates we had an elderly lady in her 90s in the downstairs flat and we used to look out for her, post letters, get shopping, put her laundry and her bins in and out for her. We did it just because she was a sweet old lady on her own and she reminded us of our grandmas. We’d have tea and a chat with her sometimes and look at her old photo albums. Then one day she had a stroke and went into a care home and we took it in turns to visit her there too until she passed away. No idea who inherited but it wasn’t any of us and it was very far from our minds. I do have a little trinket box that she gave me once because I admired it (I don’t think it’s of any value except sentimental) We honestly just liked her. RIP Winnie.

"I also encourage my son who lives in London to go and visit her although he seldom does."

How nice that your lovely aunt has someone that likes to visit her.

They might not have much family in London and be missing their extended families back home, and your aunt provides company to them.

I've done similar for elderly neighbours before and continued to go back and visit after I moved. I enjoyed their company and them mine. I helped clear their house when they moved to sheltered accomodation and sat with both when they were dying. Absolutely no ulterior motives at all. I'd go up and meet them next time you're there, or invite them and your aunt out for lunch. Get to know them, put your mind at rest. Having good neighbours as you get older is a god-send.