Aunts friendship with young couple

[Georgienne]

Hello all, so my aunt is 70, my father passed away 3 years ago and her husband passed away 2 years ago, she never had any children of her own so my brother and I are her only living family left.
She has lived in the same flat in London for most of her adult life, I highly doubt she will ever leave it, she is still active, goes on cruises, has a handful of local friends though many of her close friends left London when they retired.

I try to visit her about once a month, I don’t live in London myself but she was always an incredible aunt to me and my brother, I also encourage my son who lives in London to go and visit her although he seldom does.

Today I went to see her for the afternoon, and she told me that over the last few months she has developed a friendship with a young couple who live upstairs from her. They are Italian and Swiss, mid 20s. Apparently they have been picking up shopping for her, helping her move furniture and have cooked for her a few times. She seems rather fond of them. She wasn’t feeling very well a few weeks ago and apparently they really rallied round her, cooking, shopping, running errands etc. she didn’t tell me she was ill or I would have gone and looked after her myself.

She is quite the technophobe (I know that many her age are quite proficient with tech but she has rejected it), she has a computer and a landline, and a very simple mobile (not a smart phone). But apparently they have helped her book a trip to save her going into a travel agents etc.

She also doesn’t like going into central London alone now, so was talking about how the young girl had taken her into central London as she needed some new clothes and wanted more variety etc.

I haven’t met them but I’m really unsure what to think of this. I’m really worried that they may be taking advantage or her in some way though she seems totally unconcerned and when we got back to her flat she showed me some pasta they had made her incase she didn’t feel like cooking etc. She told me they have never asked her for money, but sometimes if she was out with friends and stopped into Gail’s or similar she would pick them up a gift card as a thank you.

I don’t know if I’m just very untrusting but I have children in their mid 20s and while I’d like to think they would help if asked I don’t think they would ever even consider going this far for someone they don’t know.

AIBU to be worried?

I can absolutely understand your concerns, but so far I don't think you have anything to worry about. Maybe meet them and give them your details. That way if anything happens to your aunt they can contact you. I am sure they are just lovely people who have your aunts interest at heart. It's so easy to misinterpret someone being nice and become suspicious, but as long as you keep lines of communication going there should be a chance to get to know them and build a relationship. After all they are looking after your aunt and she seems to be happy.

I dont think you're wrong to be concerned, but that doesn't automatically mean they are doing anything wrong.

My great Uncle befriended a younger couple (although I believe in their 50s so not young), and he left everything to them. We said nothing, because actually he always seemed very happy with the support they gave him, he had no children of his own, and none of us were travelling regularly (or at all) to visit or help him out so no one felt they could raise any concerns.

The major red flag in this scenario was that they had done similar before - befriended and elderly person, took them out for lunches etc, inherited their estate.

One of the neighbours raised a concern to my aunt/uncle but Great Uncle was happy and no one wanted to seem like they were after his money themselves by pushing it.

We got what we deserved and expected (absolutely nothing), and I have no issue with that at all. But there is still a part of me that doubts their intentions were anything but selfish.

My Mum is 86 and until recently lived alone (she will do again in the near future). All her neighbours are wonderful, including several young people who live in the same street. She has no money and doesn't own her own house, so they are clearly just lovely, kind people. They get her shopping, they have done some minor repairs on the house, they have invited her in for Christmas, etc. They are just lovely.

Young people are so much nicer than older generations. That's my take.

I have 2 upstairs neighbours who help me in a similar way as an 78 year old. People are just kind.

Personally I would make myself known to them,exchange numbers with them,if they didn't want that or get to know you I'd be wary then,I'd also say in future if your Aunt is unwell can you please let me know if she hasn't.. or say to your Aunt to make sure let you know or tell them to let you know,if they don't you'll know they're up to no good,but as others have said they could just be looking out for her as friendly people but like you I'd be very aware,you hear such horror stories these days xx

It's not 'someone they don't know'; she's their neighbour.

I’d make it my business to meet them. Pop up to say a big thank you for all their help with your aunt, get yourself invited into their home and you will get a better feel for who they are. They could be 100% genuine and on the other hand they may already have her banking details and be planning to line their pockets.

That’s so lovely, it’s actually brought a tear to my eye. And your username is making me want to change mine to WineForTheWomanWhoMadeTheRainCome!

I disagree. I don’t trust people like this. I’ve seen this ‘helpful’ behaviour before and it’s often been dodgy.

Agree. Good advice. Don’t give people the benefit of the doubt.

My partners parents are pretty much housebound, mother has dementia, father is deaf but can drive and has a small car. Over the past few months they have mentioned some neighbours who have a couple of children, 12 & 15. There have been times where the 15 year has called at the house asking for a lift to school as she had missed the bus and of course he offers to drive her. This has since expanded to him taking the 15 year old to meet her boyfriend in a neighbourhring village and drop/pick them both up.
Then a couple of weeks ago one of the parents called and asked to use their landline to call friends in South Africa.
At this point my partner got involved and told her parents on no account were they to let them use the phone.
Said people came round to their house again and fair play, her dad said no to them using the phone. Guess what, they have never been round since!!
Definitely were going to scam them.

It wouldn’t be your business though.

"I think the Swiss and Italian culture would be to look after their elders. "

If from Switzerland there is a strong possibility that they are from Sicily originally. and as @HardworkSendHelp it is probably cultural. The culture that people bemoan has disappeared in UK.

I disagree. I’m more than happy to be called whatever you want to call me in order to do my best to make sure my elderly childless aunt (who has always been good to me and my brother) and has allowed these neighbours into her home, are indeed genuine. I hope they are.

Sounds like it’s just neighbours being neighbourly, I’ve done similar for my older neighbour, she occasionally buys me small gifts I’ve not asked for to say thank you.

My husband and I used to help our elderly neighbour when we lived in London. Never thought of taking advantage of her.

I agree @HereWeGo1234.

There’s a lot of talk about older people being abandoned by their families, but it seems that if we try to be caring and look out for older single or widowed family members, we’re called interfering and their lives are none of our business. You can’t win!

You can call on her as much as you and she likes. What you can’t do, unless she lacks capacity, is interfere with her social life. It would be so easy for these new friends of hers to feel that they are being treated as suspicious, be offended and stop the friendship. Or, if the aunt feels she is being patronised she might decide she doesn’t want anything more to do with her niece. She’s 70. Lots of people are still working at 70!

Italian are really family orientated. It is nice of them to help her out. Red flag will be if they ask for money but they haven't

We did similar for an aged neighbour, she liked to borrow our dogs, she came in (before becoming incapacitated) to let them out etc. We had her round for dinner, bbq in the summer, called the ambo when she had a stroke/fall/visited her in hospital. If she wanted anything, we went and helped. She wasn’t mentally impaired and would never have given us her bank card, nor would we ask! Some people are just decent neighbours, but I can absolutely understand why you might be a bit suspicious.

@CurlewKate If they’re family-oriented, as many people think they are, why would they mind meeting her niece? I wouldn’t mind my DD meeting my friends either. Anyway, we’re all different with different family dynamics.

I'm not in my 20's but when I was in my early 30's I bought a house next door to an old man he was 87. He didn't like us initially, young child, he wasnt used to it but over time he thawed and I really warmed to him, and we had a nice friendship. He was a widower, no children. He would do my garden, taken in parcels, I gave him food. At the start of covid his health took a dip and he was hospitalised. I couldn't visit but took a parcel every couple of weeks, send Christmas gifts. He eventually went to a home, his relatives gave me a key to his house, I still looked after his garden. I became quite close to his only relatives they themselves were in there 70's. I have a nice friendship with those people to this day. He died 2 years ago all his savings and his home went to pay for his care. People aren't always after something, I genuinely liked that old man and I won't forget him. I got a Christmas gift from this relatives the last two year and a gift for my new baby. Most people are good!

Not odd at all, I have done similar for an elderly neighbour including cooking her food and driving her to appointments.
I had no ulterior motives at all, just saw her as my own nan who is sweet and vulnerable and wanted to help her because I could and she was so grateful and kind to me.

Maybe you think OP should microchip her?

she he is still active, goes on cruises, has a handful of local friends though many of her close friends left London when they retired.

Could meet all sorts on those cruises, after all.

And frankly, if you think having a niece who tries to see her once a month, but presumable doesn't and a greatnephew who lives in London but seldom visits should be enough for her socially, and all other contacts monitored, you must have led an incredibly sheltered life. People of all ages make friends of all ages.

@lavendermilkshake Yeah, microchipping’s the answer. 😂