Aunts friendship with young couple

[Georgienne]

Hello all, so my aunt is 70, my father passed away 3 years ago and her husband passed away 2 years ago, she never had any children of her own so my brother and I are her only living family left.
She has lived in the same flat in London for most of her adult life, I highly doubt she will ever leave it, she is still active, goes on cruises, has a handful of local friends though many of her close friends left London when they retired.

I try to visit her about once a month, I don’t live in London myself but she was always an incredible aunt to me and my brother, I also encourage my son who lives in London to go and visit her although he seldom does.

Today I went to see her for the afternoon, and she told me that over the last few months she has developed a friendship with a young couple who live upstairs from her. They are Italian and Swiss, mid 20s. Apparently they have been picking up shopping for her, helping her move furniture and have cooked for her a few times. She seems rather fond of them. She wasn’t feeling very well a few weeks ago and apparently they really rallied round her, cooking, shopping, running errands etc. she didn’t tell me she was ill or I would have gone and looked after her myself.

She is quite the technophobe (I know that many her age are quite proficient with tech but she has rejected it), she has a computer and a landline, and a very simple mobile (not a smart phone). But apparently they have helped her book a trip to save her going into a travel agents etc.

She also doesn’t like going into central London alone now, so was talking about how the young girl had taken her into central London as she needed some new clothes and wanted more variety etc.

I haven’t met them but I’m really unsure what to think of this. I’m really worried that they may be taking advantage or her in some way though she seems totally unconcerned and when we got back to her flat she showed me some pasta they had made her incase she didn’t feel like cooking etc. She told me they have never asked her for money, but sometimes if she was out with friends and stopped into Gail’s or similar she would pick them up a gift card as a thank you.

I don’t know if I’m just very untrusting but I have children in their mid 20s and while I’d like to think they would help if asked I don’t think they would ever even consider going this far for someone they don’t know.

AIBU to be worried?

i’m older than this couple, but until last year had a similar relationship with an older neighbour who lived alone. It started when she hurt her ankle and needed someone to walk her dog, then I began regularly walking the dog, picking up bits of shopping for her, and would often have a cup of tea with her or go for a pub lunch or Sunday roast together. My DP would help her with stuff that needed a heavy lift or tall person.

Like your aunt, she would sometimes gift me things (bottle of wine, fancy biscuits type stuff) as a thank you and I told her to quit it or I would stop walking the dog! She had a lovely garden and instead would often give me bunches of flowers from it which I accepted graciously.

She moved away last year and I miss her and her lovely dog - we keep in touch via WA now. She had adult children but they didn’t live locally. I hope they didn’t think there was anything untoward going on.

When my son was doing his finals he said that the Greek girls in the next flat, came into his room which was an unholy mess. They said he needed a shower, told him to use theirs. Take a long time please. When he came out they'd cleaned his room, grabbed his dirty washing, gone to the laundry area and stuffed it all in. They then made him a meal after that they often cooked for him. And Gen mothered him

My other son had a girlfriend in Italy. In the village she lived in three generations or more lived together. Everyone mucked in Nonna down to bambina cooking, cleaning while the men worked the farmland.

It's cultural I think and quite lovely.

We're pretty good in Wales at helping each other out too.

Meant to say this was mid-late 20s for me. They reminded me of my grandparents.

First post nails it

She’s only 70 ! Sounds like she has lovely neighbours. They come from countries where people value their elderly relatives, maybe they can see she has no one close by and want to help her out. Like a pp said pop and see them next time you visit just to reassure yourself.

Maybe it's simply an intergenerational friendship? They like her and are being neighbourly?

Introduce yourself!

70 is not particularly elderly, assuming she is in good health, but as they are her neighbours you could suggest you exchange numbers in case of any emergency. I personally wouldn't be particularly suspicious about the things you mention.

I'm sorry, my previous post was a bit harsh.

I understand that you care about your aunt.
But I agree with previous posters, that she has some nice young neighbours, and they enjoy her company and vice versa, it's probably good. They can help each other, and it gives everyone involved a sense of community.

I'm older than your aunt and I've not gone off my rocker yet. If they are after her inheritance they'll have a long wait

Do you visit your aunt because you are related or because you enjoy spending time with her? Perhaps her new neighbours also like her? Perhaps they are missing their own grandmothers? Perhaps they are just nice people? Suggest to your aunt that you meet them, then you can reassure yourself and, if they have nefarious intentions, they will know that you are looking out for her.

Defo go and meet them, you might get a gut instinct. It’s a good idea to be wary of such things as sadly they do happen. But hopefully they’re just being nice. I look out for my two 90 year old neighbours in a similar way, they both live alone but are still very independent. I’m always happy to help them out and often pop round with food or just to see how they are.

I would take it at face value atm. This young couple could be exactly as they appear, they are certainly being extremely kind and caring towards your Aunt.
However, keep an eye on the situation.

It would help protect your aunt if you can get Power of Attorney for her. Would she agree to get into the habit of running life admin decisions past you? Also if you keep yourself clued up on current scam activity, you will be in a better position to spot problems. Hopefully none of this will be necessary. But if it is, and it is not in place, it will be too late. I have a relative who is probably being scammed at the moment, but has yet to wake up to it.

To put it quite plainly, being Italian/Swiss explains so much.

I've lived in a fair few countries and it's just more common to want to meet your neighbours, help out older people etc. Within a week in Italy, I already had lots of people who were doing me massive favours 'just because' and chatting to strangers everywhere.

It's just a different culture where people like to build a community, and less of a transaction, wanting something in return etc.

I have Italian work colleagues and the amount of random acts of kindness I get from them used to make me very suspicious! If they overhear problem and their uncle can help, their uncle will simply come round and help that same afternoon.

It's difficult to meet people as a foreigner, so if your aunt was approachable, they just probably took the opportunity to befriend a lovely British lady. It's also much more normalised to help older people in that culture.

I'm not saying every single Swiss Italian is an angel sent from heaven, but genuine human kindness and taking others into account is more normalised, especially towards older people, so it's probably just that.

This 👆
Talk to them. They sound lovely, if it's all above board 😊

When I was in my twenties (mid forties now) I can think of several older ladies I used to visit and do errands for when I lived away, some were neighbours and one was a friend of my grandaunt when I lived in Scotland briefly. Some young people enjoy visiting older people, hearing their stories and giving them a helping hand, especially if they were brought up in more traditional societies. Maybe just give her the heads up on them not using her devices for ordering things if her card details are stored on them, and drop in to introduce yourself the next time you are visiting.

I helped out our neighbours a lot in the pandemic. No motive other than I enjoyed their company and could see that there were things I could do to make their lives easier.

My grandparents had all died and it was nice to bring them bits and pieces of shopping and have a chat. They had family who lived too far away to help often during the pandemic

They've both died now but I remember them fondly.

Ah I would (and have) done all of these things for my neighbours. Once when I was in my 20s and just recently (late 30s / 40s) for the lady nextdoor who was almost 100 and only family lived abroad. My husband would fix things, move furniture, change light bulbs, I would cook meals, shop and take her to her doctors. We adored her, sadly she died last month. I would have been mortified if her family thought we were taking advantage. Although on the flip side I understand you are just being protective. Maybe drop them a note introducing yourself and including contact details. We actually found our neighbour was hiding all the help she needed from her family to avoid a care home. It became quite difficult for us but we thought she had no one else so we just kept on helping.

I help out my disabled neighbour, who is in her 70s - I take in and put away her grocery orders, pop a plate of food next door if we’re having a roast, etc. I would be so sad if her relatives thought I was doing it to get my hands on her money, if she had any - I like her, and would hope someone would help me out in a similar situation.
One piece of advice, OP - do meet this couple and make sure they have your contact details. When my neighbour had an emergency I was able to quickly let her daughter know.

It sounds fine. Your aunt seems perfectly capable of using her own judgement and it's really good that she has such friendly and helpful neighbours. I'm not sure why you're worried. What do you think they'll do?

Agree, they just sound like a nice young couple and at 70, I’m sure your aunt still has her wits about her……just keep an eye on it in case

I think you’re worried about your inheritance!

This sounds like a wonderful friendship to me. If the young couple are living in different countries from their own families, they probably miss their own older relatives.

I’m older than this couple (40s) but have close friends who are in their mid-80s. We met through my work - she is retired but an expert in our field who gives her time free of charge to my workplace. They both have a wicked sense of humour and are great company. They never had children and are not close to their nieces and nephews who don’t really seem to care much about them, so love following my family life and are fond of my children. I once got a really unpleasant message over social media from a niece ‘warning me off’ her family and felt so upset by it.

I’d be grateful that your aunt has such good friends and leave them alone.

Inheritance fraud is running at hundreds of millions of pounds in the UK. Why wouldn’t you worry?

My MIL has Italian and Portuguese neighbours and they’d totally do all the things you’re talking about. They’re not trying to rob her. They’re just nice. I’d say she’s lucky to have good neighbours.

I think they sound lovely, it's most likely a cultural thing, and definitely something my mid 20s son and his partner would do. It wouldn't do any harm to introduce yourself and thank them, as others have suggested. My elderly aunt had a wonderful neighbour who was extraordinarily kind to her and definitely had no nefarious intent; similarly I help my neighbours a lot.

Oh gosh, please don’t “thank them” as so many have suggested here. That would be hugely patronising to your aunt! “Thank you for being friends with my aunt”?! She’s mentally capable, she has friends. Meeting them is one thing but don’t thank them because as I said before, you don’t own her life. It’s for her to thank people if she wants to.