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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher conduct - clapping at DS

1000 replies

NotUsually · 17/09/2025 18:43

DS 13 got sent out of class today for talking to another student (friend) and not paying attention when he should have been.
He got a warning first.
He talked again to the same student a second time about 10 minutes later.
For this, he got sent out of the room to go in to isolation for the rest of the school day, followed by an hour after school detention.

As he got his stuff together and walked out of the room, the teacher started clapping at him. He said to DS "Well done you just got yourself an isolation and a detention" then clapped with his hands raised up above his head and carried on clapping at DS as he walked through the room and out of the door. Whilst the teacher was clapping, the other students joined in and started clapping too, and the teacher allowed this and carried on himself.

I've had dialogue with the school to confirm that DS was talking and to check whether he was doing anything more than this, and the teacher has confirmed that he was punished for talking when he should have been listening to the teacher, on 2 separate occasions in the lesson. Nothing more.

I accept that talking when he shouldn't have been talking and that this has received a punishment of being sent out, sent to isolation and given a 1 hour detention. But I've got a really big issue with the clapping. DS accepts he shouldn't have been talking and has aplogised about this and seems regretful for his actions. But he says the clapping from the teacher and other students whilst he walked through them all to leave the room made him feel humiliated and I've taken issue with this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SwingTheMonkey · 20/09/2025 16:02

It’s really worrying that there are posters on here who are almost certainly parents, who think humiliation is a good form of punishment. What if it was your partner publicly humiliating your child for something they’d done wrong? Would you still be supporting it? Or would you think it was a disgusting way to treat a child?

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/09/2025 16:22

NotUsually · 20/09/2025 10:20

So many emotionally intelligent, insightful, eloquent and thoughtful replies on here. From teachers and from people who aren't teachers. And all of these intelligent posters have kept up with my updates too.
Thanks to all of you.

To the posters lacking in comprehension and understanding of what I have written, perhaps you were failed by the education system when you were at school. It is sort of evident in your posts.

To those of you that have said your parents would have given you short shrift and told you to get on with it if you'd been clapped at by a teacher at school, you have all demonstrated what type of adult that child grows up in to.

As for the posters who have answered in what I can only describe as an unintelligent, incomprehensible frenzy, thank you for providing a platform for some of the funniest, laugh out loud comebacks from intelligent posters that I have ever read on MN.

To the posters calling me 'that parent', I'm fine with that. By saying to me "You really are that parent" and "the teachers will condemn you as that parent", you are highlighting to me that institutional negative judgement still exists within schools, which simply makes me more determined to stand up to it.
If standing up for my child being clapped out of the gym by a teacher who was motioning at other students to join in because my DS talked to a friend during a benchball PE session makes me 'that parent', then I honestly could not care less. I am not going to cower in the face of judgement. I am going to stand up for what is right and what is wrong.

To posters harping on about "When I was at school......back in my day......"
It's 2025. Children have human rights now. Catch up.

What I wish, more than anything, is that my 13 year old had walked up towards this teacher, looked at him confidently, and said in a calm, polite and clear voice: "Why are you clapping at me Sir?". But he would never have done that, which is why he silently walked out whilst being clapped at.
I would have though. If I'd been in that hall, I would have spoken up and said "Why are you clapping at that child, Mr X ?".
But I wasn't there to challenge it. So I'm challenging it now.

I have given my son 2 very clear messages about this incident, and I have delivered each message with equal gravitas:

  1. Talking in class when you shouldn't be talking is wrong. Talking when a teacher is talking is disrespectful and disruptive and that in turn means it is wrong. Talking again after already being told by the teacher to stop talking is unacceptable and I expect you to stop talking immediately when you are told to stop talking. It does not matter what lesson you are in. The school issues strict and rapid sanctions for breaking the behaviour rules and these sanctions accelerate quickly if you continue to break a rule by talking again when you have already been warned.
As a result of receiving a high level sanction at school for talking again after being told to stop, you will have sanctions at home. And I have implemented these sanctions. This is to ensure my DS understands that the school and we, as his parents, are working in partnership in our expectations of his behaviour. I have emphasised to DS that if he breaks the behaviour rules, then sanctions will be issued by his teachers, and I will stand alligned with the school on this because my behaviour expectations of him are also very high. Though he already knows this.
  1. Nobody, no-one, is allowed to make you feel humiliated by their actions towards you. Not another student. Not a friend. Not an adult. Not your parents. And not a teacher. Nobody in a position of authority over you is allowed to deliberately behave towards you in a way that is designed to humiliate you. And if someone does, then it is important to call it out and challenge it. Because it is very important to stand up for yourself in life if you are treated unfairly. And because if humiliating behaviour isn't called out, then it continues.
This is to ensure my DS understands that nobody has a right to treat him in a way that undermines his dignity, so that he can grow in to an adult who understands that he has to stand up to people in life who are bullies, who seek to belittle others, and that he should not ever put up bad behaviour aimed at him from anyone. Not at school. Not a colleague at work. Not a manager. Not in a personal relationship. Never.

Well said op. I can’t bear bullies in any form. Humiliating someone is no way to ensure respect. The teacher was out of line here and there are times when you need to stand up for your kid. This is one of those times.

Original poster
NotUsually · 20/09/2025 16:54

GagMeWithASpoon · 20/09/2025 10:34

Have you brought it up with the school in the end OP? Have they engaged yet?

Show quote history

Sorry - yes, I have done so, formally.
I await their reply.

OP posts:
NotToday1l · 20/09/2025 16:56

NotUsually · 20/09/2025 16:54

Sorry - yes, I have done so, formally.
I await their reply.

Show quote history

Sounds like the teacher needs to go on some kind of professional behavioural training course

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 17:06

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 15:16

Very well behaved and resilient ones.

Show quote history

Or the potential bullies of the future, with a mum who deals with complaints about them by saying, ‘it’s just banter’ 🤷🏼‍♀️

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 17:06

NotUsually · 20/09/2025 16:54

Sorry - yes, I have done so, formally.
I await their reply.

Show quote history

Did you include the incidents of other immature behaviour by the teacher?

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You are what's wrong with kids these days - your kid can do no wrong.

Try reading again slowly. Make a note of where the OP recognises that her son has done wrong, and she and he have accepted the school-sanctioned punishment. If you can’t see the comments, maybe ask someone IRL to go through it carefully with you. And then look at your response again and see if it is appropriate.

There is a glimmer of hope though for you as you do correctly state: ‘Yes the teacher shouldn't have done it’👏

There are teachers here saying this teacher acted inappropriately, and this is a board where teachers do tend to support each other. Have a think about that too.

ForUmberFinch · 20/09/2025 17:17

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 13:02

You’re right I’m not, I’m familiar enough with the profession to have a view on if this is actually humiliation.

feels very dramatic and I would have no issue with this if my child was disruptive.

Show quote history

It is humiliation. It is blame and shame. Which is DISGUSTING and is never ok. This teacher either doesn’t have the skills to pull kids back in to his lesson or is just a bully. If it’s the former he needs training. If it’s the latter he needs sacked. Neither will happen unless the OP complains

CecilyP · 20/09/2025 17:20

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 17:06

Did you include the incidents of other immature behaviour by the teacher?

Show quote history

Think it's best if OP sticks to the point here but it is possible that other parents complained after parents night.

ForUmberFinch · 20/09/2025 17:24

LT1982 · 20/09/2025 13:43

Maybe the "humiliation" (rather overdramatic description) will teach him not be so rude and disrespectful next time as clearly he learned nothing from the teacher's first polite warning. He had a warning, chose to ignore it and be rude and disrupt the class for everyone else a second time. I bet if another kid was sent out yours would have joined in the clapping

Good grief. You need to get a grip. A 13 year old boy was enjoying the lesson and talking to his pal. He took the sanction AND the humiliation. He could have blown up at that point. He could have sworn at the teacher issuing the sanction. He could have done SO much worse. But he accepted it without question and was then humiliated. That is not ok. I hope you don’t have kids. I’m a parent and a teacher. This isn’t ok through either lens. And the teacher who chose to humiliate this CHILD wasted more time in the lesson with the moronic clapping than the lad did talking. Give yourself a good shake and grow up!

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/09/2025 17:50

He’s shy and hates attention on him

not that shy to talk in lessons - not one but twice

yes the teacher shouldn’t have clapped but maybe that would have taught your son a lesson as being told once to stop talking didn’t work

support the teacher. Get your son to say sorry and see happens

ForUmberFinch · 20/09/2025 17:54

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/09/2025 17:50

He’s shy and hates attention on him

not that shy to talk in lessons - not one but twice

yes the teacher shouldn’t have clapped but maybe that would have taught your son a lesson as being told once to stop talking didn’t work

support the teacher. Get your son to say sorry and see happens

Absolutely NOT. The boy has nothing to say sorry for. Did you bother reading the OPs posts?

Rockschooldropout · 20/09/2025 18:13

I’m a mum of five and a school governor . Our school is fairly strict however the last time I checked ritual humiliation was not an approved discipline .
it’s one thing to send a child out and another to humiliate them, it’s bullying ..

Nicelynicelyjohnson · 20/09/2025 18:26

Support the school following their behaviour policy.
Do not support the clapping.

The fact that so many people do think the clapping is ok is helping me to understand why there are so many unpleasant people on Mumsnet.

Janicchoplin · 20/09/2025 18:40

NotUsually · 17/09/2025 18:43

DS 13 got sent out of class today for talking to another student (friend) and not paying attention when he should have been.
He got a warning first.
He talked again to the same student a second time about 10 minutes later.
For this, he got sent out of the room to go in to isolation for the rest of the school day, followed by an hour after school detention.

As he got his stuff together and walked out of the room, the teacher started clapping at him. He said to DS "Well done you just got yourself an isolation and a detention" then clapped with his hands raised up above his head and carried on clapping at DS as he walked through the room and out of the door. Whilst the teacher was clapping, the other students joined in and started clapping too, and the teacher allowed this and carried on himself.

I've had dialogue with the school to confirm that DS was talking and to check whether he was doing anything more than this, and the teacher has confirmed that he was punished for talking when he should have been listening to the teacher, on 2 separate occasions in the lesson. Nothing more.

I accept that talking when he shouldn't have been talking and that this has received a punishment of being sent out, sent to isolation and given a 1 hour detention. But I've got a really big issue with the clapping. DS accepts he shouldn't have been talking and has aplogised about this and seems regretful for his actions. But he says the clapping from the teacher and other students whilst he walked through them all to leave the room made him feel humiliated and I've taken issue with this.

AIBU?

I feel that your child having consequences for actions they have been told not to do is fair.
The clapping of the teacher followed by the teacher allowing the others to do the same. Feels like if it was me. Would be an humiliation. Which is over the top punishment.
Humiliating children in front of their peers says...it's ok to do this outside of the classroom. It's ok the teacher did it. This is for me not good and that should be addressed by the school.

Lighteningstrikes · 20/09/2025 18:46

The teacher is a bully.
Unfortunately this isn’t unique.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/09/2025 18:50

ForUmberFinch · 20/09/2025 17:54

Absolutely NOT. The boy has nothing to say sorry for. Did you bother reading the OPs posts?

Show quote history

Course I read op

he got told off not once but twice for talking

MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 18:52

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 15:16

Very well behaved and resilient ones.

Show quote history

I highly doubt that.

TaborlinTheGreat · 20/09/2025 18:52

Lighteningstrikes · 20/09/2025 18:46

The teacher is a bully.
Unfortunately this isn’t unique.

Well of course it isn't unique. There are some bullies in all jobs and walks of life. Teaching is no exception - why would it be?

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/09/2025 18:52

I said the clapping wasn’t right

talking once. It happens.

Being told off. It happens and should have been enough to stop

but then talking again

and op says her son is a shy boy

doesn’t sound it to me

Original poster
NotUsually · 20/09/2025 19:09

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/09/2025 18:52

I said the clapping wasn’t right

talking once. It happens.

Being told off. It happens and should have been enough to stop

but then talking again

and op says her son is a shy boy

doesn’t sound it to me

IRL, even shy children can stand next to a friend and talk to them.

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 20/09/2025 19:17

NotUsually · 20/09/2025 10:20

So many emotionally intelligent, insightful, eloquent and thoughtful replies on here. From teachers and from people who aren't teachers. And all of these intelligent posters have kept up with my updates too.
Thanks to all of you.

To the posters lacking in comprehension and understanding of what I have written, perhaps you were failed by the education system when you were at school. It is sort of evident in your posts.

To those of you that have said your parents would have given you short shrift and told you to get on with it if you'd been clapped at by a teacher at school, you have all demonstrated what type of adult that child grows up in to.

As for the posters who have answered in what I can only describe as an unintelligent, incomprehensible frenzy, thank you for providing a platform for some of the funniest, laugh out loud comebacks from intelligent posters that I have ever read on MN.

To the posters calling me 'that parent', I'm fine with that. By saying to me "You really are that parent" and "the teachers will condemn you as that parent", you are highlighting to me that institutional negative judgement still exists within schools, which simply makes me more determined to stand up to it.
If standing up for my child being clapped out of the gym by a teacher who was motioning at other students to join in because my DS talked to a friend during a benchball PE session makes me 'that parent', then I honestly could not care less. I am not going to cower in the face of judgement. I am going to stand up for what is right and what is wrong.

To posters harping on about "When I was at school......back in my day......"
It's 2025. Children have human rights now. Catch up.

What I wish, more than anything, is that my 13 year old had walked up towards this teacher, looked at him confidently, and said in a calm, polite and clear voice: "Why are you clapping at me Sir?". But he would never have done that, which is why he silently walked out whilst being clapped at.
I would have though. If I'd been in that hall, I would have spoken up and said "Why are you clapping at that child, Mr X ?".
But I wasn't there to challenge it. So I'm challenging it now.

I have given my son 2 very clear messages about this incident, and I have delivered each message with equal gravitas:

  1. Talking in class when you shouldn't be talking is wrong. Talking when a teacher is talking is disrespectful and disruptive and that in turn means it is wrong. Talking again after already being told by the teacher to stop talking is unacceptable and I expect you to stop talking immediately when you are told to stop talking. It does not matter what lesson you are in. The school issues strict and rapid sanctions for breaking the behaviour rules and these sanctions accelerate quickly if you continue to break a rule by talking again when you have already been warned.
As a result of receiving a high level sanction at school for talking again after being told to stop, you will have sanctions at home. And I have implemented these sanctions. This is to ensure my DS understands that the school and we, as his parents, are working in partnership in our expectations of his behaviour. I have emphasised to DS that if he breaks the behaviour rules, then sanctions will be issued by his teachers, and I will stand alligned with the school on this because my behaviour expectations of him are also very high. Though he already knows this.
  1. Nobody, no-one, is allowed to make you feel humiliated by their actions towards you. Not another student. Not a friend. Not an adult. Not your parents. And not a teacher. Nobody in a position of authority over you is allowed to deliberately behave towards you in a way that is designed to humiliate you. And if someone does, then it is important to call it out and challenge it. Because it is very important to stand up for yourself in life if you are treated unfairly. And because if humiliating behaviour isn't called out, then it continues.
This is to ensure my DS understands that nobody has a right to treat him in a way that undermines his dignity, so that he can grow in to an adult who understands that he has to stand up to people in life who are bullies, who seek to belittle others, and that he should not ever put up bad behaviour aimed at him from anyone. Not at school. Not a colleague at work. Not a manager. Not in a personal relationship. Never.

This is a great post OP I whole heartedly agree with what you are saying, you are doing a fantastic job at A- being a mum. And B- responding to loads of self righteous morons on mumsnet!!!

Feelingsosoblue · 20/09/2025 19:18

titchy · 17/09/2025 18:48

The best way to detract from your own shitty behaviour is to refer to someone else’s behaviour.

That is a lesson he has learned - and you have fallen for it. He wasn’t humiliated at all. He was a pain in the arse and he’s been reprimanded for it. He get short shrift from me if he tried to deflect onto the teacher.

Difference is, the teacher is an adult and in a position where professional conduct is a must. That is a child, it is abusive behaviour on behalf of the teacher, he also encouraged the other students to join in, again abusive behaviour.

the teacher needs reporting and also report this to social services and the LA. It’s not acceptable.

ThatQuaintEagle · 20/09/2025 19:22

Report the matter formally to the school and have an investigation conducted by the CAC. Whatever transpires, this teacher needs to stay on point - humiliating students is not part of his ambit. If the principal fobs you off go directly to the ministry - they are very sensitive to this sort of behavior. As a minimum teacher will be cautioned for misconduct. School probably has pastoral care in place - why wasn't this the response.

ThatQuaintEagle · 20/09/2025 19:24

Read the code of conduct for Teachers

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