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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher conduct - clapping at DS

1000 replies

NotUsually · 17/09/2025 18:43

DS 13 got sent out of class today for talking to another student (friend) and not paying attention when he should have been.
He got a warning first.
He talked again to the same student a second time about 10 minutes later.
For this, he got sent out of the room to go in to isolation for the rest of the school day, followed by an hour after school detention.

As he got his stuff together and walked out of the room, the teacher started clapping at him. He said to DS "Well done you just got yourself an isolation and a detention" then clapped with his hands raised up above his head and carried on clapping at DS as he walked through the room and out of the door. Whilst the teacher was clapping, the other students joined in and started clapping too, and the teacher allowed this and carried on himself.

I've had dialogue with the school to confirm that DS was talking and to check whether he was doing anything more than this, and the teacher has confirmed that he was punished for talking when he should have been listening to the teacher, on 2 separate occasions in the lesson. Nothing more.

I accept that talking when he shouldn't have been talking and that this has received a punishment of being sent out, sent to isolation and given a 1 hour detention. But I've got a really big issue with the clapping. DS accepts he shouldn't have been talking and has aplogised about this and seems regretful for his actions. But he says the clapping from the teacher and other students whilst he walked through them all to leave the room made him feel humiliated and I've taken issue with this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CecilyP · 20/09/2025 11:54

sarah111 · 20/09/2025 10:16

And you were there were you? I see this all the time. And don't play down PE which is as a valid a GCSE as any other , with the course requiring significant knowledge of Biology. Students who want to persue careers in coaching, physio etc have just as much right to learn as anyone else.

Show quote history

But it wasn't a GCSE class where, presumably, the DC are learning the theory in a classroom. It was a game of bench ball in the gym.

GagMeWithASpoon · 20/09/2025 11:56

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 20/09/2025 11:44

As an ex teacher I am appalled at this teacher's behaviour, both towards your son and his general demeanour. In your son's case he actively encouraged other pupils to humiliate your son. You must report him to SLT and if necessary, higher.

Nah mate, we’re all shitty narcissists raising snowflake , shitty kids and not professionals with standards. Confused

Hardhaton1 · 20/09/2025 12:06

TicklishMintDuck · 20/09/2025 11:28

Clearly you’ve never had to work in a toxic environment for a psychopathic boss.

Show quote history

Yeah, but you still have the option to walk out the door at any time and not come back
Which I have actually done
And I hope others in the same situation would do the same

CecilyP · 20/09/2025 12:12

Lazygardener · 20/09/2025 10:22

It's not nice, but perhaps the teacher was very exasperated. I would commiserate with DS that he was shamed, but point out that he can easily avoid this in the future. When I was at school (early Cretaceous period), the teachers used to throw the blackboard rubber at anyone talking out of turn. It wasn't made of rubber.

I too was at school a long time ago. In fact, when I first started, teachers still wiped the board with dusters! I never saw a teacher throw a blackboard rubber but keep hearing that it happened. Considering the weight of a blackboard rubber, I am baffled that A&E departments didn't report a load of blackboard rubber related injuries, or that schools didn't experience a lot broken windows. Please can you elaborate?

Bideo · 20/09/2025 12:16

CecilyP · 20/09/2025 12:12

I too was at school a long time ago. In fact, when I first started, teachers still wiped the board with dusters! I never saw a teacher throw a blackboard rubber but keep hearing that it happened. Considering the weight of a blackboard rubber, I am baffled that A&E departments didn't report a load of blackboard rubber related injuries, or that schools didn't experience a lot broken windows. Please can you elaborate?

Show quote history

I had teacher who used to throw blackboard rubbers, but they were notoriously bad shots, I.e. they never intended to hit anyone.

CecilyP · 20/09/2025 12:20

Bideo · 20/09/2025 12:16

I had teacher who used to throw blackboard rubbers, but they were notoriously bad shots, I.e. they never intended to hit anyone.

Show quote history

I just cant see how that is possible in a crowded class room.

CecilyP · 20/09/2025 12:29

Or perhaps he was such a good shot that the intended victim knew who they were but the rubber just fell short.

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 13:01

Megifer · 20/09/2025 08:36

Considering many people on this thread have demonstrated they cant read and still continue to think ops beef is with the punishment, yea, i really wouldn't take much notice of The Mumsnet Poll 😆

Show quote history

Nah - I think we get it.. I certainly do - I’m fine with the clapping.

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 13:02

ForUmberFinch · 20/09/2025 11:40

Are you a teacher? I doubt it. I am. Have been for 20 years. I don’t humiliate kids end of. I get excellent exam results and frequently have the “unteachable” disruptive kids in my class. And I get the best out of them. What the OP described is bullying from the teacher. Sadly YOUR response isn’t even thread worthy my dear

Show quote history

You’re right I’m not, I’m familiar enough with the profession to have a view on if this is actually humiliation.

feels very dramatic and I would have no issue with this if my child was disruptive.

Megifer · 20/09/2025 13:05

sarah111 · 20/09/2025 09:38

Students have a very strong sense of fairness and the fact that they joined in and clapped him out indicates their frustration with the poor behaviour. The suggestion that this is 'humiliation' is also highly questionable and again deflects away from the pupils original poor behaviour, which is what her son wants. Yet again the parent is only concerned with their own perceived 'fairness' and has no consideration for the other people in the room.

Show quote history

"Students have a strong sense of fairness"

Does that apply to the DS and the pal who told their mum it was unfair too?

Megifer · 20/09/2025 13:10

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 13:01

Nah - I think we get it.. I certainly do - I’m fine with the clapping.

Show quote history

You being fine with the clapping is not relevant at all to the fact that you, and others, had very clearly not read and understood what op's issue is.

Nice try at trying to muddy the waters there though! 7/10. Could be better.

SilverCamellia · 20/09/2025 13:11

I still remember being humiliated by a teacher in class. 50 years later. It stays with you.

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 13:21

GagMeWithASpoon · 20/09/2025 09:15

Do you know any teenagers? It’s more likely that they joined in for shits and giggles, to cause a bit of ruckus and at least a few took joy in also humiliating a classmate. I’ve yet to hear a teen complaining about a classmate being so disruptive they didn’t learn anything in PE.

Show quote history

Exactly. So many people clearly are clueless here.

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 13:24

sarah111 · 20/09/2025 09:34

At present. And it is grossly unfair to the students (and their parents) who want to learn. And it is driving teachers out of the classroom leading to a shortage. Thankfully schools are taking steps to address this type of deflection back onto pupils behaviour.

Show quote history

Are you saying that humiliation and clapping is now becoming part of normal school policy? Or should be? You clearly seem to think it was an essential part of the punishment and the isolation and detention were not enough.

Are you a teacher?

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 13:28

NotUsually · 20/09/2025 10:20

So many emotionally intelligent, insightful, eloquent and thoughtful replies on here. From teachers and from people who aren't teachers. And all of these intelligent posters have kept up with my updates too.
Thanks to all of you.

To the posters lacking in comprehension and understanding of what I have written, perhaps you were failed by the education system when you were at school. It is sort of evident in your posts.

To those of you that have said your parents would have given you short shrift and told you to get on with it if you'd been clapped at by a teacher at school, you have all demonstrated what type of adult that child grows up in to.

As for the posters who have answered in what I can only describe as an unintelligent, incomprehensible frenzy, thank you for providing a platform for some of the funniest, laugh out loud comebacks from intelligent posters that I have ever read on MN.

To the posters calling me 'that parent', I'm fine with that. By saying to me "You really are that parent" and "the teachers will condemn you as that parent", you are highlighting to me that institutional negative judgement still exists within schools, which simply makes me more determined to stand up to it.
If standing up for my child being clapped out of the gym by a teacher who was motioning at other students to join in because my DS talked to a friend during a benchball PE session makes me 'that parent', then I honestly could not care less. I am not going to cower in the face of judgement. I am going to stand up for what is right and what is wrong.

To posters harping on about "When I was at school......back in my day......"
It's 2025. Children have human rights now. Catch up.

What I wish, more than anything, is that my 13 year old had walked up towards this teacher, looked at him confidently, and said in a calm, polite and clear voice: "Why are you clapping at me Sir?". But he would never have done that, which is why he silently walked out whilst being clapped at.
I would have though. If I'd been in that hall, I would have spoken up and said "Why are you clapping at that child, Mr X ?".
But I wasn't there to challenge it. So I'm challenging it now.

I have given my son 2 very clear messages about this incident, and I have delivered each message with equal gravitas:

  1. Talking in class when you shouldn't be talking is wrong. Talking when a teacher is talking is disrespectful and disruptive and that in turn means it is wrong. Talking again after already being told by the teacher to stop talking is unacceptable and I expect you to stop talking immediately when you are told to stop talking. It does not matter what lesson you are in. The school issues strict and rapid sanctions for breaking the behaviour rules and these sanctions accelerate quickly if you continue to break a rule by talking again when you have already been warned.
As a result of receiving a high level sanction at school for talking again after being told to stop, you will have sanctions at home. And I have implemented these sanctions. This is to ensure my DS understands that the school and we, as his parents, are working in partnership in our expectations of his behaviour. I have emphasised to DS that if he breaks the behaviour rules, then sanctions will be issued by his teachers, and I will stand alligned with the school on this because my behaviour expectations of him are also very high. Though he already knows this.
  1. Nobody, no-one, is allowed to make you feel humiliated by their actions towards you. Not another student. Not a friend. Not an adult. Not your parents. And not a teacher. Nobody in a position of authority over you is allowed to deliberately behave towards you in a way that is designed to humiliate you. And if someone does, then it is important to call it out and challenge it. Because it is very important to stand up for yourself in life if you are treated unfairly. And because if humiliating behaviour isn't called out, then it continues.
This is to ensure my DS understands that nobody has a right to treat him in a way that undermines his dignity, so that he can grow in to an adult who understands that he has to stand up to people in life who are bullies, who seek to belittle others, and that he should not ever put up bad behaviour aimed at him from anyone. Not at school. Not a colleague at work. Not a manager. Not in a personal relationship. Never.

Perfect. This is what some of the struggling and reactive/bullying parents on this thread need to learn from.

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 13:34

ForUmberFinch · 20/09/2025 11:40

Are you a teacher? I doubt it. I am. Have been for 20 years. I don’t humiliate kids end of. I get excellent exam results and frequently have the “unteachable” disruptive kids in my class. And I get the best out of them. What the OP described is bullying from the teacher. Sadly YOUR response isn’t even thread worthy my dear

Show quote history

Thank you. You remind of the best kind of teachers my kids had.

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 13:38

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 13:02

You’re right I’m not, I’m familiar enough with the profession to have a view on if this is actually humiliation.

feels very dramatic and I would have no issue with this if my child was disruptive.

Show quote history

Hope you don’t have kids.

LT1982 · 20/09/2025 13:43

Maybe the "humiliation" (rather overdramatic description) will teach him not be so rude and disrespectful next time as clearly he learned nothing from the teacher's first polite warning. He had a warning, chose to ignore it and be rude and disrupt the class for everyone else a second time. I bet if another kid was sent out yours would have joined in the clapping

ThisChirpyFox · 20/09/2025 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Megifer · 20/09/2025 13:57

Yes, parents who 100% agree with their kid being punished and supporting the school with that, but also tackling very unfair treatment afterwards is absolutely what's wrong with kids now.

Caterfly · 20/09/2025 14:07

What's with all the pp calling this 'bullying'. It happened once and bullying is repeated.

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 15:16

BestWindow · 20/09/2025 13:38

Hope you don’t have kids.

Show quote history

Very well behaved and resilient ones.

Namechange2700000 · 20/09/2025 15:17

NotUsually · 20/09/2025 10:20

So many emotionally intelligent, insightful, eloquent and thoughtful replies on here. From teachers and from people who aren't teachers. And all of these intelligent posters have kept up with my updates too.
Thanks to all of you.

To the posters lacking in comprehension and understanding of what I have written, perhaps you were failed by the education system when you were at school. It is sort of evident in your posts.

To those of you that have said your parents would have given you short shrift and told you to get on with it if you'd been clapped at by a teacher at school, you have all demonstrated what type of adult that child grows up in to.

As for the posters who have answered in what I can only describe as an unintelligent, incomprehensible frenzy, thank you for providing a platform for some of the funniest, laugh out loud comebacks from intelligent posters that I have ever read on MN.

To the posters calling me 'that parent', I'm fine with that. By saying to me "You really are that parent" and "the teachers will condemn you as that parent", you are highlighting to me that institutional negative judgement still exists within schools, which simply makes me more determined to stand up to it.
If standing up for my child being clapped out of the gym by a teacher who was motioning at other students to join in because my DS talked to a friend during a benchball PE session makes me 'that parent', then I honestly could not care less. I am not going to cower in the face of judgement. I am going to stand up for what is right and what is wrong.

To posters harping on about "When I was at school......back in my day......"
It's 2025. Children have human rights now. Catch up.

What I wish, more than anything, is that my 13 year old had walked up towards this teacher, looked at him confidently, and said in a calm, polite and clear voice: "Why are you clapping at me Sir?". But he would never have done that, which is why he silently walked out whilst being clapped at.
I would have though. If I'd been in that hall, I would have spoken up and said "Why are you clapping at that child, Mr X ?".
But I wasn't there to challenge it. So I'm challenging it now.

I have given my son 2 very clear messages about this incident, and I have delivered each message with equal gravitas:

  1. Talking in class when you shouldn't be talking is wrong. Talking when a teacher is talking is disrespectful and disruptive and that in turn means it is wrong. Talking again after already being told by the teacher to stop talking is unacceptable and I expect you to stop talking immediately when you are told to stop talking. It does not matter what lesson you are in. The school issues strict and rapid sanctions for breaking the behaviour rules and these sanctions accelerate quickly if you continue to break a rule by talking again when you have already been warned.
As a result of receiving a high level sanction at school for talking again after being told to stop, you will have sanctions at home. And I have implemented these sanctions. This is to ensure my DS understands that the school and we, as his parents, are working in partnership in our expectations of his behaviour. I have emphasised to DS that if he breaks the behaviour rules, then sanctions will be issued by his teachers, and I will stand alligned with the school on this because my behaviour expectations of him are also very high. Though he already knows this.
  1. Nobody, no-one, is allowed to make you feel humiliated by their actions towards you. Not another student. Not a friend. Not an adult. Not your parents. And not a teacher. Nobody in a position of authority over you is allowed to deliberately behave towards you in a way that is designed to humiliate you. And if someone does, then it is important to call it out and challenge it. Because it is very important to stand up for yourself in life if you are treated unfairly. And because if humiliating behaviour isn't called out, then it continues.
This is to ensure my DS understands that nobody has a right to treat him in a way that undermines his dignity, so that he can grow in to an adult who understands that he has to stand up to people in life who are bullies, who seek to belittle others, and that he should not ever put up bad behaviour aimed at him from anyone. Not at school. Not a colleague at work. Not a manager. Not in a personal relationship. Never.

Your very long and boring update confirms that you think you are better than everyone else on this thread.

You seem fixated on the clapping yet I can’t seem to see a response about that from the school, yet the school are responding to everything else, I.e he was was only talking twice, he’s usually perfect blah blah blah.

BillyWilliamTheThird · 20/09/2025 15:27

Praise in Public, Reprimand in Private. Basic tenet of classroom management.

Applauding poor behaviour - however sarcastically it’s done - is shite teaching. Someone’s got be the adult in the room and this would def not fly at my school.

Hardhaton1 · 20/09/2025 15:31

BeavisMcTavish · 20/09/2025 15:16

Very well behaved and resilient ones.

Show quote history

Unlikely

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