Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

I did the Camino a few years ago after a cancer scare.
It can be a really big experience and doing it continuously is different from doing it in stages.
There are some really interesting places on the way. Would it work for you to spend two or three weeks staying at eg Pamplona, Santiago de Compostela and another interesting place on the route? You wouldn't have to hike. There are even organised trips where people go with a lot of support so you might be able to visit several places on the way without any hiking.
Even if your husband wanted to stay in pilgrim hostels most of the time he might find a few nights in better accommodation worthwhile.
Have you seen the Camino film (Emilio Estevez, Martin Sheen)?
Apologies if this is all irrelevant to you. I hope you work it out between you.

Re frame this.

Is there a way you COULD do this with him?

Not necessarily walking, but meeting up with him along the way.

If a trip which I think has a meaningful part to it and I do think even if its 6 weeks, its one of those things, that you should try and find a way to enable him to do it. Its not like a jolly somewhere.

It does sound a long time so I can see your argument. However, please let go of his coat and give him your blessing. You can use it as bargaining if you ever wanted a long holiday without him.

I agree. It is more than a hike

I’m really sorry to read that your instinct is not to encourage him to go and enjoy. Is there a drip feed coming which will explain your feeling?

It wouldn't bother me. I'd relish the time to be free to do as I pleased for an extended period. (But in reality I'd be more likely to do it than him.)

I do understand your feelings OP, but at 69 he might not have many opportunities for this sort of intense, gruelling multi-week trek. Maybe he wants to do it while he is still fit and able as a one off adventure?
I think YAB(slightly)U.

I'd think all my Christmases had come at once if my husband buggered off for 6 weeks.

YABU. He isn't wanting to disappear off to Thailand for a few weeks. This is a specific adventure that takes 6 weeks to complete. Why would you want to stand in the way of that? He may only have a few years left when he is fit enough to do it. Instead of stifling his dreams, wave him off and find an adventure of your own to do if you don't fancy his.

Wave him off on his merry way, can’t see the issue. You don’t need to accompany him,and he’d prefer to be alone

😀OP hasn't had time to get sick of her husband yet ( from one hard-boiled detective to another).

I couldn’t imagine stopping someone doing something like this if I was perfectly capable of looking after myself at home. You’re a long tome
dead OP. What exactly is the issue?

I think given the circumstances of what he wants to do let him go for it. If he wanted a solo “normal” holiday that you would also enjoy, but said he wanted to go alone, then no. If not retired and that’s his whole lot of AL, then no. If you had children needing looking after, then no.
But retired and if this is something he’s wanted to do for a long time, it could be his last chance at his age. Let him go for it.

If you stop him from going it will ruin your marriage as he will resent you from then on. Go with him (taking transport) or help him plan and arrange. Share the experience. My DH did the John O'Groats to Lands End on a bike and camped all the way. We met up in Malvern (about half way) in a spa hotel for a few days. He was 74 at the time and had always wanted to do that. It is wrong to hold someone back when you are the one with fears.

I think you need to find your own thing to do for six weeks. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and once it's too late to do this do you really want that resentment lingering? Can you fly out and visit him for a couple of nights half way?

Life is too short to give up dreams like this for no reason other than your partner doesn't want you to do it. When I am retired I FULLY expect to be travelling like this and sod anyone who tries to stop me! Book a cruise OP and have 6 weeks missing each other and a wonderful reunion discussing your adventures.

Hiking? Sounds awful, but if he likes it fair enough.

With no small children to wrangle I could not get irate about it.

Ive had many friends do the whole 800km route (admittedly some in 5weeks) and i know why he wants to do it one go. Its a unique, deeply Personal experience and id support any partner who wanted to do it. You've got adult kids, you can talk every day (I used to have calls with friends whilst they were walking and they'd tell me about what they were seeing/going through). It was wonderful.

Saying that, there are other (shorter) camino routes that he could do.

Edited to add: definitely go out and see him. Leon is a wonderful place to visit and he could break it up a little for him

Oh let him go. If you don’t he will secretly bear a grudge against you. I’d be sticking pins in a doll dressed in hiking gear in the knee area 🤣
Seriously though, find something which pleases you while he is away - go on a lovely yoga retreat, visit pals, do a residential water colour course? Visit Graceland? Go on a cruise?

Can you go out and meet him at a couple of overnight stops en route?

Why on earth can't he do it? I would understand if you had young children but when else will he have the opportunity to do this? If he's not allowed to leave his wife at home?

@Shortdaysalready

why is it taking the piss exactly?

Why can’t you live without him for 6 weeks? It’s clearly an experience (and not just a holiday) that means a lot to him. People walk the Camino as a personal development/ spiritual thing. I don’t understand why you would stand in the way of that if it’s not because you’ve got young children together and you’d have to pick up all the work in his absence.

It would be a yes from me. Life is too short, of course he should go.

Do you mean you actually physically can't hike, or it's just not usually your thing? If the latter, could you not join him for some of it, even if he takes it at a slower pace than he would otherwise? If the former, could you not spend some time with him at some point during the route?

So ordinarily I would say that your DH was being unreasonable, but I think walking the Camino is different, if he wants to walk the full length, and I think it’s quite common for people to do this alone. How about flying out to meet him at the end?