Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

If he was pissing off for six weeks hiking leaving you with young DC to look after, I would say YABU.

However, I can’t understand what the problem is here? It’s a bucket list thing for him and you are choosing not to participate. If you genuinely can’t cope with not seeing him for that long, why don’t you pop out and meet up with him at some suitable point a few weeks in?

Fitness varies wildly at this age (indeed at any age). My parents are older than this and still skiing and sailing etc

It’s a once in a lifetime thing that perhaps he’s always wanted to do. He’s retired, so not using up valuable leave. He should totally do it.

why don’t you want him to go? If there is no good reason then you’re being silly, you don’t own him, let him have this chance to fulfil an ambition before he can’t.

Yabu. Sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity.

You don't want to do it, he does.

I'm sure you can keep in touch with phone calls and messages whilst he is there.

I'd be so up for this. 6 weeks of no compromises at home. Bliss!

I would paint (ok get someone in to paint) the entire house colours I liked but he hated too because I am unreasonable and I would revel in it.

@Piratecatcher

You would not want him to miss this, would you?

Look at this wonderful thread from last year by @Twodogsonthecouch

It’s not right for adults to stop other adults doing anything to be honest. Honestly I’d be gutted if my husband stood in the way of something like this, just because.

Could you plan a project or a holiday that you really want to do but he wouldn't enjoy, for at least part of the time he would be away? Travel out to meet him in the middle of his trek? If he's resentful because you say he can't go the bad feeling between you could last longer than 6 weeks.

There was a thread on here last year where a woman did the Camino on her own, and her family were wonderfully supportive.

Maybe worth a read OP.

I did suggest stages but he won’t do that .. I guess I need to find a trip to do on my own. Unfortunately the stuff I would like to do would be a different season

no young children, no caring responsibilities, no job (I guess retired at 69). Just let him have this adventure! Do you have health issues/disabilities which mean you cannot cope on your own? If not, yab massively unreasonable.

It was this one @AmyDuPlantier

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5032932-2-weeks-to-go-to-my-big-solo-adventure-and-starting-to-lose-my-nerve?

For me it depends if he is retired. If so then you've got the rest of the year to spend quality time together. So id be pissed off if he did it everry year but a one off is ok. If he is still working then that's all his annual leave and means you don't get any down time together all year then I'd be very upset

It wouldn’t be the same in stages I don’t think

but could you go out and do a day or two with him - not on a hilly bit!!!and then you could do a long weekend at the end

Is it bad that I'd be getting a suitcase out of the garage and asking DH what he needs to take... Honestly OP, it sounds an amazing thing to do and I'd let him go but the condition is that you then do something amazing together.

I’m confused as to why he can’t. You don’t have any responsibilities together and you can’t do it. How else can he fulfil his dreams?? Seriously you’ll miss him sure but what else is there. It’s controlling and a little unfair to make him give up on doing something because it doesn’t involve you. Life is short. Why stop him.

What are your interests @Piratecatcher?

Too long to be apart? From an almost 70 yr old man who otherwise spends his entire life with you? What exactly are you worried about? Why can’t you be happily alone and fill your time productively for a relatively short period of time (in the grand scheme of things)?

Sorry OP, but YABVVU. To stop him doing something so personal at a time of life when he may not get another opportunity because it’s ‘too long’ is very selfish (and horribly clingy).

We have separate adult children and we have only lived together 7 years so not quite a lifetime.. I might feel differently if it was

The Camino is a religious experience for many people, a pilgrimage. It isn't just a jolly and it is really hard on the body. Let him do it while he feels he can.

It’ll be an amazing trip and if it’s on his bucket list it would be unfair of you to stop him. If you don’t want to do it with him then he will have to do it alone.

Am I right in assuming he is retired, with no caring responsibilities? Are you fit & well enough to take care of yourself at home for 6 weeks?

If so, I would absolutely let him go. It sounds like a once in a lifetime trip - exactly what retirement is for in my humble opinion. If he doesn’t go now - when can he?

Yabu. My dream is that I’m still healthy and fit and have the money to do wonderful things like this when I’m retired. Very luckily for me, I’m single so don’t have anyone saying no I can’t do anything. I would honestly rather be single than be ‘not allowed’ to do stuff like this.

My husband goes away for a few months each year (not for work), it's fine.

If a thread was about a husband making his wife lose out on her trip of a lifetime just because the time frame fell outside of his acceptable limit, he'd be called all sorts.