Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

You are being ridiculous OP.

He’s a grown man with the chance to do something amazing!

I can’t ever imagine stopping my husband from doing something like this. It blows my mind that you’d even consider preventing him from doing it.

You should be happy and excited for him!!

It’s 6 weeks, not 6 months!!

YAB so, so unreasonable.

Many people do the Camino alone, it’s not exactly cheating grounds so I wouldn’t be upset (or rather, I’d be an upset because I’d want to do it too).

The Camino is more than a hike, it's an experience. He may not be able to do it in the future, let him seize the day. Find something lovely for you to do while he's away, and enjoy a loving reunion when he returns!

Let him go and have this special experience. You could meet up with him when you can, maybe do a little of the walking with him, meet him at the end.
Maybe you need to find more meaningful things to do in your own life?

I don't think I'd have a problem with this. It's a trip I'd love to do myself and if it's important to him then my feeling would be that he should seize the opportunity while he can. Could you do as others have suggested and meet him for a few days part way along?

i would say you should positively encourage him, be happy for him, his time for doing physical things like this will be running out, you both need to grab life with both hands, get on and do what you want to do.

Maybe consider if there’s something you would like to do too.

(My close friend, only slightly older than your DH, 3 months ago was climbing and exploring alongside me up and down remote cliff faces and doing adventurous exploring in europe, 2 months ago he took ill on a different trip, and within the space of 12 weeks he is now no longer fit to fly). I only mention this to say how rapidly health can change from being extremely fit and future travels all out there on the horizon - to a wasteland of nothingness.

Try and be happy for him, don’t restrict his life and his happiness.

I'd encourage my DH to do this (we both love hiking) especially if he was nearly 70. (of course your DH may have many years of hiking still to come, me and my DH met a man of 80 whilst doing the coast to coast who had done it multiple times!) My only concern would be safety if he was doing it alone, I'd want regular updates!

The only thing I would be worried about is getting used to being alone and not wanting him back!

Because 6 weeks is a very long holiday. OP has made it clear she isn't happy about him being away so long.
Marriages are supposed to be about compromises. Not about one partner waltzing off into the sunset like a single guy doing his own thing despite his partner voicing her concerns.

He’s 69! He wasn’t got many good years left! He should be able to do it while he can. You are being selfish. He should be able to go and do the hike if that’s what he wants to do

I'd worry about his health and safety, so I put YANBU on the basis of that. However, if the main problem is just that you'll feel lonely or wish he wouldn't want to be parted from you for six weeks, that less reasonable.

Rather than have him resent you, I think I'd try to find ways to make it feel less lonesome while he's gone. Maybe ask him now to agree to something special that the two of you can enjoy together, to give you something you can look forward to.

I'd also consider if there's anything you've been holding back on that you'd like to splurge on, to keep things a little more fair, financially (if you share finances). I like to buy myself a few small gifts or treats to lift my spirits while DH is away without me. It doesn't necessarily have to be big-ticket items.

My mum walked the Camino, it was an amazing experience.

I think you are being selfish tbh.

Do you have any idea what the El Camino Trail is? It’s certainly not swanning off doing what he likes.

But he’s a grown man, with no job or caring responsibilities so actually he absolutely can waltz off and do what he wants. Hopefully if the Op decides to try and control him even more he’ll up and leave for good. Which is what I would do if my husband tried to coercively control me.

He may be feeling his age, and this is something he wants to do and thinks it's now or never. Let him go fulfill his dream. Six weeks isn't really such a long stretch of time.

It's not really a holiday, it's a pilgrimage.

Can't you fly out to join him for a weekend somewhere in the middle?

Or go on your own adventure somewhere at the same time?

He's retired and you don't have children living at home. He's not getting any younger. If he wants to do this, it's now or never.

If you keep saying no and he gives in and doesn't do it in a few years his body won't be able for it and he'll regret not doing it while he was able.

Well my view of marriages are they partnerships.
Why bother getting married if your desire to go off for six week holidays is more important to you than your wife and what she is comfortable with? Just stay single and then you can prioritise your own wants.
It's not as if OP has objected to his solo holidays. It's the length of this one. I think he is being totally self centred.

I think it’s best to cheer him on. You only live once etc. I would be making plans for myself within that time in your position. 6 weeks will go quick if you are busy.

You're being v selfish OP.
It's six weeks fgs.
Enjoy the time apart x

I’d want to know a schedule and daily check ins. For that time, I’d arrange to fly over for a weekend so he’d get a break and a chance to meet up.

This is a bucket list thing , if you had something you have always wanted to do in your life would be stand in your way ?

He is married and his own person still, op hasn't given any reasonable excuse as to why she's not happy with this apart from she just doesn't like the idea. It would be one thing to have young children and work to manage or a disability or caring duties to consider but nothing of the sort has been mentioned.
6 weeks is a small amount of time considering they have had 7yrs together and hopefully many more, this isn't a holiday it's more than that for many, op is being unreasonable imo.

@Piratecatcher Is he stopping at the cathedral or is going to add the five day trek to Finisterre on the end? If he's going to Finisterre then I'd meet him Santiago to celebrate him getting there have a couple of days together, then you travel to Finisterre by bus and have a lovely few days in a hotel, explore the beach etc and then have a few days with DH when he arrives.

I’ve been away for 2 weeks hiking alone and DH is happy for me to go as he knows this is my ‘thing’ and on top of that we have a 5yr old, 13 and 16yr old. With clubs, homework and all the usual crap lol

so I think with adult children you can let him go…. When our children are grown up DH knows he will be waving me off at the door for weeks and weeks. And he’s fine with that because he loves me.

Oh I always forget that on MN holidays are sacred and take prescidence over relationships.

I also forget that a lot of posters on MN don't see marriage as a partnership. They see it as a matter of convenience for living and procreating. They don't accept a blending of the two parts into one unit: each participant just has to stay fiercely independent and prioritise their own wants because they really don't see any duty of care or any responsibility for the happiness of the person they are married to.