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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

683 replies

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

OP posts:
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Lollytea655 · 16/09/2025 20:13

6 weeks is nothing on the grand scheme of life together. Yes, you are being selfish- life is too short.

Watwing · 16/09/2025 20:13

As someone who loves hiking and has a bucket list of hikes (on hold for 20 years whilst raising kids) yabu if your only argument is essentially you'd miss him and feel like he should miss you.

LottaHogs · 16/09/2025 20:13

Yes, YABU.

CelestialGazer · 16/09/2025 20:13

I’d be absolutely fine with this. In fact my retired DP wants to do the Camino, and I have already said that, whilst I do some long distance walking, it wouldn’t be for me (too long). So they are very welcome to go alone or with a walking friend of theirs. They are happy with that too. I will probably go away and do something I want to do for some of that time when they finally get around to arranging it.

BeHappySloth · 16/09/2025 20:13

Why on earth would you want to stand in the way of your husband doing something that he really wants to do? Sorry, but I think you're being selfish. Unless there is some big drip feed about why he shouldn't go.

KateMiskin · 16/09/2025 20:13

I would happily " allow" this, if DC were grown and it was safe.

londongirl12 · 16/09/2025 20:14

If this is something he really wants to do, then I wouldn’t have an issue. Yes would miss him, but life’s too short to miss out on something that would be a once in a lifetime opportunity. Why don’t you want him to go?

MoltenLasagne · 16/09/2025 20:15

I'm another one who thinks you should be supportive of this unless there's a major dripfeed coming.

PlanetOtter · 16/09/2025 20:15

If there is a practical reason you don’t want him to go - eg you can’t afford it, or you need his care - then YANBU.

If you just don’t want him to, YABU. It could well be an experience that defines his life, which he shouldn’t miss because you’re unfit.

SpanishBaguette · 16/09/2025 20:15

It's not like he's adding on 4 weeks to a beach holiday. It needs to be six weeks to achieve his goal. Stop arguing and support him. Meet him along the way and make great memories together.

RigIt · 16/09/2025 20:16

Shortdaysalready · 16/09/2025 20:02

No you aren't being selfish OP.

And it sounds as though your attitude to his lone holidays has always been very reasonable and accommodating. But 6 weeks is taking the piss.

Why is taking the piss? I would be sad if my DH went off for 6 weeks because I’d miss him but he’s his own person and if there are no young children or a joint financial impact, I can’t see what’s wrong with him wanting to do this. In fact I think it’s quite controlling to stop him.

Rayqueen · 16/09/2025 20:17

Oh wow if my hubby picked this I would be sending him off for an experience not many get to do. It's not like you have little kids either. My hubby has never stopped me doing things I wanted and I wouldn't and haven't ever stopped him. Doesn't mean I don't love and adore him but we all want to experience as much as we can while we can to.

Mintearo7 · 16/09/2025 20:18

I think you’re being needy. Six weeks will go in a flash. If you’re already arguing about it I think you need to back down. Otherwise you will be denying him a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Icanttakethisanymore · 16/09/2025 20:19

Could you start doing some walking and join him for part of it? Is there a company that would transport you along the route do you could do some of it, even if you an hour or two a day?

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 16/09/2025 20:19

I really can’t see what’s wrong with that.

YABU

can you not find something interesting to do yourself?

SpottyAardvark · 16/09/2025 20:19

Kindly, YABU.

This pilgrimage is not something anyone takes on lightly, it’s not like he wants to lie beside a pool getting pissed for 6 weeks. It obviously means a great deal to him and, given that he’s 69, if not now, when?

If my DP wanted to do something like this, I would respect his wishes and encourage him to do it while he still can. I would also plan a trip of my own at the same time, either with friends or solo.

AmyDuPlantier · 16/09/2025 20:20

It’s a once in a lifetime experience. If you’re married decades, six weeks is a drop in the ocean. Do you really want to piss on his dreams because of your own selfishness?

HeddaGarbled · 16/09/2025 20:20

It is one of those bucket list things that people yearn to do, so I think you should let him.

However, I think you should also get to pick something you’ve always wanted. That could be a holiday that he’s always ruled out, or a purchase, or just something like him agreeing to spend Christmas with family without whinging.

Have a good think. There’s bound to be something you’d love to do but he’s prevented.

Cherrysoup · 16/09/2025 20:20

I’m torn between thinking of mine wanted to be apart for 6 weeks, I’d be devastated to thinking it’s an amazing experience, crack on, who am I to stop him? Zero help, sorry.

CharlotteCChapel · 16/09/2025 20:21

Is he fit enough? He's more or less the same age as DH and he's lost a lot of fitness in the last couple of years.

I'd not want him to do 6 weeks alone either.

NotABiscuitInSight · 16/09/2025 20:21

If he wants to go and you don't, why not?

It's only 6 weeks of your lives, you aren't joined at the hip, time is running out and he has no reason not to (like young kids)

Aitchemarsey · 16/09/2025 20:22

YABU. Doing the Camino is once in a lifetime, bucket list stuff. I hope to do it myself one day. And if you can't do it with him, I think it's a bit mean spirited to try to stop him for no reason.

TomatoSandwiches · 16/09/2025 20:22

You haven't said why you think he shouldn't go so by the limited information posted I think yourself being selfish to not agree with him.

Bruisername · 16/09/2025 20:22

CharlotteCChapel · 16/09/2025 20:21

Is he fit enough? He's more or less the same age as DH and he's lost a lot of fitness in the last couple of years.

I'd not want him to do 6 weeks alone either.

He won’t be alone. Part of the journey is meeting others.

Allthefruit · 16/09/2025 20:23

Is there an adventure you could go and have at the same time? Or at a different point?