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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

683 replies

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

OP posts:
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TubeScreamer · 20/09/2025 20:32

Good on him. Really don’t see the problem here.

CuriousKiteFlyer · 20/09/2025 20:38

You need to let him go and enjoy the trip or he will resent you, it's not too much to ask and you could do a bit of the walk with him if you want to join. "Happy Spouse Happy House!" I don't understand why you would try to block this?

CuriousKiteFlyer · 20/09/2025 20:39

Meant to say, YABU

atinydropofcherrysherry · 20/09/2025 20:59

Harvestmoose · 16/09/2025 20:11

If my marriage was otherwise solid this wouldn’t bother me. Your children are grown up so presumably this is his chance now to do something he’s always wanted to do? I couldnt begrudge my husband this if we had no other burdens eg small children.

I would say this as well. Why 6 long weeks. I dream of going back solo for the whole summer in the old country but really....will never do it

soupyspoon · 20/09/2025 21:08

OP is long gone isnt she?

Ive read her (3) posts

Im guessing someone has already suggested that she fly out and get transport along the route and meet him at designated stops etc? So she doesnt walk it but she is there for bits of it, have dinners together etc?

MrsSlocombesCat · 20/09/2025 21:30

I’m so happy to be single. You seem like you want to possess your husband. How could you stand in the way of him doing something that he really wants to do? He will resent you for it.

RisingSunn · 20/09/2025 21:30

stayathomer · 20/09/2025 20:07

I’d personally think 6 weeks is so much- I knew you’d say the Camino!!! I think if you’re off having the adventure of a lifetime over that length of time and not experiencing it with the person you chose to spend your life with I’d feel horrible.

ps dh has been away 20 days before and that’s a long time in terms of the everyday you don’t experience together.

I think if you’re off having the adventure of a lifetime over that length of time and not experiencing it with the person you chose to spend your life with I’d feel horrible.

But why? - surely there are some things that are solely for you - as an individual.

Barnbrack · 20/09/2025 21:35

Bruisername · 16/09/2025 20:10

Sorry but I think you’re being selfish. It’s a great experience (I’m not a hiker but I knew a few people who’ve done it)

he’s not getting any younger and has the time now You’re holding him back

Honestly I agree with this! If your kids are adults and him being away isn't adding unfairly to your workload then have a great time at home surely? If miss my husband, probably a lot but wouldn't hold him back from a once in a lifetime thing

NaiceHazelHare · 20/09/2025 21:43

I think ‘holiday’ is a bit of an odd description - the Camino is a sort of once in a lifetime experience. I walked it 15yrs ago and loved it.

My mum walked it a few years ago - her husband joined her for the first week, and I joined her for a few days in the middle and then we met her at the end. Made it seem a bit less like she was gone for 6 weeks! Could you do something similar?

Bowies · 20/09/2025 21:49

I wouldn’t have an issue with this

broney · 20/09/2025 21:54

Encourage him to go. Its obviously something he really wants, and you don't want.
If he doesn't go, he could end up resenting it (and you) in the future.

stayathomer · 20/09/2025 22:30

RisingSunn

But why? - surely there are some things that are solely for you - as an individual.

But for that amount of time you may as well be single and experience it- every day he’s going to see something new and not talk to the person he supposedly wants to share his life with.

Whatsallthisthen2025 · 20/09/2025 22:48

The title of this post should be "My husband wants to do a life changing, historic pilgrimage and physically taxing walk. I want him to stay home and watch telly with me because I think taking 6 weeks out of his one life to do something signficant is too long to be on my own."

I mean, obviously you're being silly and selfish. The problem is that you've already spoiled things somewhat by trying to spoil this for him. You should apologise profusely and say you support him. You could also offer to meet up with him at stops along the route and at the end if you really cannot think of something interesting or fulfilling to do by yourself for a few weeks.

RAPSMom · 20/09/2025 22:50

Could you not arrange to meet and stay over where he stops? Hubby did LEJOG twice… and I was support each time, carrying everything… feeding, watering etc… on route and then meeting up and enjoying the night together (hot bath whiskey ready for when he got there) wherever he stopped 😁

OldMrsMabel · 20/09/2025 23:02

You should not prevent him going he will only resent you for it. Life is for living

Greenwitchart · 20/09/2025 23:07

You are being selfish. It sounds like he wants to realise one of his life long dreams by doing this and at 69 he probably knows his physical fitness can only decrease so it is now or never.

EvieBB · 20/09/2025 23:30

girljulian · 16/09/2025 20:03

Why don’t you want him to go?

My dad when he retired did an 8 week cycling tour of France. We tracked him on Life 360 and he had the time of his life. I’m so glad my mother didn’t object because he developed MND shortly afterwards and now he can’t walk.

Gosh I'm sorry to read about your dad, that must be so upsetting but great how that he got to do this bucket list amazing cycling trip. Please could I ask how long he has had MND?? My husband's best friend passed away from MND in January having been diagnosed only 6 months earlier (the symptoms started only about a year before he died from the disease - it was such a rapid and shocking decline). Does it vary?

Aloha2024 · 20/09/2025 23:31

Hi OP,
I wont vote selfish or not, just because maybe you don’t know the meaning of the Camino. I’ve done last year and was a life changer for me personally. I wanted to do it my whole
life and finally had the chance and the dreadful moment of telling my partner and children that I wanted to go away alone. For my happiness they both accepted and supported me dearly. I did only 9 days but I do understand your feelings of 6 weeks. I’m sure he intends to do one of the longest ones, starting in France maybe ? This is a path some people takes to debrief of life and find peace, contemplate solitude, and think about unsolved personal problems, which we all know that comes later in life.
watch the movie on Netflix, with Emilio Esteves. You can also see some info on YouTube to make up your own thoughts.
But don’t put him off as I’m sure he will come back a better men. Everyone who does the Camino do !
it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever done in my life, is not easy, is a daily challenge, I nearly gave up because of the pain, but I ch aged my mind last minute and continued. Is worth every second. Let him go ! If you don’t want to do the whole 6 weeks, go for 1 . You will see by yourself what it means. Good luck to your husband and to you.
all I can say is that is a beautiful thing to do and changed me as a person and my life. ( can’t wait to go for the next ☺️😉)

Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone
Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone
Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone
Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone
Chatwoman · 21/09/2025 00:29

I wonder how even the split of time and resources is between the things he enjoys and goes off to do and what you're getting to do for yourself. It sounds like this should be an amazing experience for him and it's not about hurting you but fulfilling himself. You mention numerous other solo holidays he has taken, are you getting equal fulfillment in your life or just sat around waiting? I am in a different stage of life but in my relationship we try to keep the share of time out having fun roughly evenly balanced for fairness to stop resentment building which is quite effective. Perhaps you could plan some one on one trips with a close friend or one of your children to make sure you're getting what you need to feel fulfilled too

Trillie · 21/09/2025 02:23

Fine, let him go. Then take yourself off on your own for a six week holiday and see what happens.

YourUniqueOpalDog · 21/09/2025 04:48

Have you considered jetting in for a section or rest day? There could be a kind of meditative, let go and live in the moment, kind of dimension to it, so let's not get hung up on that specific remedy.

I would like to think that, rather than expecting him to have your approval, a better approach would be to say "OK, so you're going to do this adventure. How can we make this more accommodating of me and my reasonable need not to be on my own for too long?"

Some ideas - including some that could be combined:

  • he breaks it up into 2 trips
  • you go for a special date with him at the start and the finish
  • you do something similar but unique to you like an artists retreat
  • you fly a friend in for a stay with you
  • you facetime along the way (in a loving fun way, helping him blog his trip.)
  • get him to do it with 3 other men and on the agreement that the wives are going to wine and dine by Uber along the route, mocking them via TikTok with the help of your pool boy chaperones
  • Enlist a pair of comedians to turn his trip into an amazing, hilarious adventure where you are pulling the strings and recording the chaos. Make an appearance in disguise as a mystery woman in a convertible
  • Is there a life goal you have tucked away that you would like to take a run at?

Would it help to watch some videos about it so you can appreciate what it means for him and so you can delight in how your partner can experience it?

ibiddy · 21/09/2025 05:02

This seems like a once in a lifetime experience at a time when it could be now or never and therefore it might be more about him than any desire to exclude you
I do know of people who did this in a support capacity, perhaps you could consider options you could manage in this role, maybe driving and meeting up with him at some of the hostels either solo or with friends, so that you also had an experience that might be meaningful for you.

Imdoodleladie · 21/09/2025 07:12

Maybe ask if you can join him for the last two weeks? Or is he seeking a Spiritual awakening? I guess that kind of thing can only be done alone. Which is why he wants to do it alone? Only a suggestion.

carolineesher · 21/09/2025 07:34

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

My husband has no desire to travel. I love travelling. Now my kids have left home I travel a lot without him. At first he was appalled and hurt. That was not what happily married people did. What would people think? He thought I wanted to leave him. I don’t, I love him but we enjoy different things. I invite him to join me. If he doesn’t want to that is his choice. We have reached a time in life when we finally have the freedom to travel, him stopping me hurt our marriage now he is comfortable he sometimes comes to join me for short adventures together. You could do that 1/2 way through (perhaps may be hard to plan?) or definitely at the end. When I am home we enjoy our times together and are looking for travel we can do in the future that we can both enjoy. Which will involve a golf course for him, which is not my idea of fun but I’m happy to compromise. I will also continue to do the solo trips he won’t enjoy. We are not siamese twins. There are many ways to be happily married you have to figure out what works for you two.

CelestialGazer · 21/09/2025 07:39

cardibach · 19/09/2025 11:08

Off topic, but you can do the last 100k and get a pilgrimage accreditation. I did it this year and it was great - why not do the last week with him?

Show quote history

That’s an interesting idea which I will look into. Thanks!