Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

Because it interrupts the event - you would need to get your head out of walk - sleep - walk and enter the real world again. It would break your rhythm, take you out of your zone distract you with thoughts of comforts of home and make it harder to get going again.

It would be OK if the person joining fell into step alongside you, doing the days walks, staying in the Auberges, setting off at dawn etc, but not a few days holiday in a nice little town in a hotel.

I think there are people who understand this sort of independent challenge and those who just can't see it.

And those that can't see it could never be married to an Olympic athlete (oooh, lovely shall I come and stay for a few days in Paris and we can enjoy some cafes before your event? Paris is SO romantic) or a mountaineer (can you pop back to basecamp - or maybe Kathmandu for a few days - I MIIIIIIIS you!)

Oh for gods sake, what a way to live your life. If he's going to do something like that, he'll do it regardless.

I think that you are being unfair - you can always take a holiday yourself or go and join him at certain points on the route , I dont really understand what the problem is - 6 weeks isn't really that long a break apart .If you said 6 months I would understand more.

It is the same, I am afraid.

If people wants to get interested into faith, she can’t do anything about it…
Same in any couple…

Plenty of people just do it as a walking trip without any particular spiritual element.

But I think even if it is just a walking trip, she shouldn't try to stand in his way.

Absolutely I did not come back changed but I had a wonderful time !

I wasn’t spiritually changed. Some people are- but most aren’t.

@pinkspeakers Yes, the point is that it’s definitely not a 6-week jolly where he’d be out on the pull every night. In that instance, I could completely understand the OP’s reluctance to agree!

Okay then if not then what - in a whole lifetime what do you think will happen in six weeks?? What are you not able to cope with on your own for 42 days!!??

Give it up- this post is not about me, I did not ask for your opinion on my relationships and neither did the OP, get a life.

Why are you so codependent on a spouse or partner?

I want to do the Camino Way. My husband and I walk together but he will have no real interest in this type of walk. I will want to take my time and really experience it.
Can you arrange to meet at certain points?

Why don’t you just go for part of the trip and share some of the experience with him?

No
let him have autotomy and hobbies
He doesn’t need his wife tagging along because she’s insecure . Wife needs to address her insecurities

The guy is 69...

I think OP might be on her way to Santiago tbh

Very selfish, and rather needy, really. If a man behaved like this it would be an LTB matter.

Agree with this.

I love solo hiking and if DH was with me, I wouldn’t enjoy it as much. I go to challenge myself, to connect with my inner self, ruminate, meditate, and just be. DH needs numerous things going at once, he needs constant breaks (food and bathroom), tummy is always dodgy. He has to be fed and watered every few hours or he’ll talk about how he hadn’t eaten in xyz. I plan my trip and what I bring in advance and having him with me would be having to add extra stops I don’t want or require.

I’d lose it and tell him to go home on the first day or just tell him to catch up with me when he can and walk faster just for peace.

Off topic, but you can do the last 100k and get a pilgrimage accreditation. I did it this year and it was great - why not do the last week with him?

You seem to be married to a middle-aged man who has dreams, drive and determination. These are attractive qualities.
It seems you have three choices:-

1. Persuade him not to go. He forever feels a degree of resentment because you stopped him from achieving something.
2. Keep arguing, moaning and being needy but eventually concede that he is going. He goes and spends 6 weeks feeling that you took the shine off something important to him. 6 weeks is a lot of time for him to spend reflecting alone on whether he feels you are a supportive life partner.
3. Apologise. Get enthusiastic for him. Make sure he leaves feeling loved, supported and knowing that he is married to a capable, independent woman with dreams, drive and determination of her own. He spends 6 weeks achieving his dream, walking and reflecting on how much he values you and your support.

He's almost 70, hardly middle aged! (but agree with the rest of your post!) Being realistic the poor guy is not going to be able to do a hike like that in a few years

Looks like another OP who ran away because she was wrong and was bluntly told she was wrong.

Exactly @MyMilchick. None of us o is what’s around the corner health wise so if he’s currently in good shape to do this challenging hike, he should do it.

I’m interested in walking the Camino as well (very slowly!) and at 51, I’m hoping to do it in the next decade, I m not waiting.

It’s probably something he won’t be able to do if he waits much longer. If you won’t do it with him does that mean he’s unable to go? Seems selfish yes. You’re married but you’re still individuals