Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

[Piratecatcher]

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

yabu

The fact he is calling you selfish when he is the one that is being selfish by wanting to go for six weeks. Pot kettle black.
six Weeks is a long time to be fair. Are you able to compromise and ask can he do 3 weeks instead? Six weeks is a very long time to hike. And also dangerous if he’s going alone.

I don't blame him. Many of us men are sick to back teeth of women and would love to get away from the daily grind of being hen pecked, let him go he will come back a changed man.

How is it selfish that he wants to go have a spriitual experience? He’s 69. The man should have enough autonomy to have this experience.

I understand your sadness. Sometimes people just need some space. Have you considered going for a 4 week cruise with a group ? Good luck.

I don’t think you should be trying to stop him going.

I wish my DH felt like you and fucked off for 6 weeks 😂

Well if you are so unhappy in you're relationship then do your husband a favour and end the misery you seem to have.

The OP isn’t coming back. I expect she doesn’t like the answers she’s had.

Have you checked that your bags aren’t packed and by the door? 😆

Oh well sometimes the truth hurts.

Why would my bags be packed? Your comment is the reason iv made my own success and not had the likes of you pull me into such a situation. But thanks for you invalid answer to my thread.

I’d be actively encouraging this! What an experience!!

Don’t be ‘that person’ OP, the one who squashes another’s dreams because they don’t share them. It’s not a good look!

What are you going on about? For a start the ‘likes of me’ wouldn’t live with the likes of you in the first place and certainly wouldn’t stop you leaving!

My husband does voluntary work as a youth leader and supports teenagers through various Duke of Edinburgh award scheme ,as well as a full time job. He often goes away with his volunteer work many weekends and some weeks too. We sit down when an opportunity comes to see if he can fit it in and if it works for us . Obviously there are some trips that coincide with family commitments and he will always put me and our son and grandson first. However that leaves many many weekends that he is free to undertake these activities. I suspect once he retires he will be away for longer periods and I’m absolutely fine with that. I don’t have the same hobbies and interests as he does, so I see friends whilst he is away both for nights out and weekends away. It works for us.

Erm…it’s NOT your thread though, is it?? 🤦‍♀️

It really doesn't matter if other people would or would not be happy for their partner to go on a 6 week trip without them. Evetyone has different ideas sbout what would be acceptable to them.

Yhe only thing that matters here is how you & your partner feel. Previously you've both been happy with 2 week trips apart. 6 weeks is another matter.
I think that a solo trip 3 times longer than his usual solo hikes would've merited a discussion with you before he made up his mind to do it. He clearly has made his decision, even though not already booked, or he wouldn't be so obviously pressuring you.
Ideally, couples should be able to come a compromise, ( 3 weeks 4 weeks?) but I appreciate this isn't always possible.

I have accompanied my DH on work trips abroad far longer than I'm comfortable with, as the alternative was his not going. He absolutely loves his work! How could I say no and then live with his disappointment ?
So, now we're working on a plan to give him the work he wants in more bite-sized chunks, acceptable to both of us. It's a matter of respecting each other's needs. It's not always easy.. I hope you are able to reach a mutually acceptable compromise.

Let him go. He'll only resent you else and you'll wish he'd gone. It's not like he's going to Ibiza!

You’ve (presumably) been okay with two weeks, OP, given he’s done that before, and him holidaying/hiking alone isn’t a new thing. How long would you be happy with? (That’s a genuine question, not me being sarky!) And/or is there a way you could compromise — such as you flying out to join him halfway for a long (non hiking!) weekend? Or is it that you’re hurt he’d be happy to be apart from you for that long (in which case I’m guessing even if you did meet up partway through, that still wouldn’t take away the hurt for you…)
I don’t think you’re selfish; you and he perhaps have different expectations, however. I’d be okay with my DH doing this but that doesn’t mean you have to be.
Is he explicitly saying you’re selfish? I mean, you could equally call him selfish for wanting to do this — so I’m not sure ‘selfish’ is a productive way to look at this…

Well that's a blessing! No doubt you are one of these that asks what men bring to the table and then get debunked.

I’d personally think 6 weeks is so much- I knew you’d say the Camino!!! I think if you’re off having the adventure of a lifetime over that length of time and not experiencing it with the person you chose to spend your life with I’d feel horrible.

ps dh has been away 20 days before and that’s a long time in terms of the everyday you don’t experience together.

It is amazing at 69 that he has the health and motivation to do something so wonderful. You should be proud of him and encouraging.

It isn’t a holiday, it’s a pilgrimage of sorts.
I think you’re being quite selfish, even if you have your reasons.

And if you can’t be bothered to meet up with him in middle/end/both then that is on you.

How is he being selfish? He wants to do an amazing adventure, one that takes 6 weeks to do, and which you don’t want to join him on. You’re not sharing childcare so I can’t see that you’ve any reason to try and stop him. Sounds controlling tbh…