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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give a crap about a man in hospital, after he destroyed my sons motorbike?

173 replies

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 17:57

My son turned 18 in June 25. He has ADHD, ODD and is on the ASD.

When he turned 18 he had £5k from his Gov Trust account. £500 was from the Gov in 2007, the rest I put in over the next 17 years.

With that money he brought a 2nd hand motorbike, 6 months old and only had 500 miles on it - absolute beauty and a bargain. Insurance is sky high so we help him pay for it and occasionally give him money for petrol. He already had the safety gear (We brought him a moped for his 16th in 2023)

This bike was his baby. Its now off the road with several things wrong, including the gearbox (we think) being broken.

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid. My sons bike was parked with several other when one idiot, with a chap on the back lost control doing a wheelie and smashed into the stationary bikes... causing damage to all of them, but my sons was the worst. No ambulance was called, no police and everything was "hush hush" - I didn't know what had happed to the morning after.
They guy that crashed has no insurance. He said to my son "I will pay for the damage, but I need to go as I have no insurance". The then got on his bike and left.

My son didn't take photos, didnt take videos and point blank refuses to give me the guys name or any details.... now yes, Ive had the talk about what to do in that situation if it ever arises again - me? I just thought it was common sense....and there was a Snapchat video taken by someone else of the accident...... but anyway.

Since it happened (last Friday, today is Tuesday) the lad has NOT been in contact, so my son messages and asks if he can let him know about paying for the damage. The guy says he's in hospital...... comes to pass that he was stopped by the police for no insurance on Friday night, then drove his GFs car (also uninsured to drive it) into a wall earlier today.... I think, because of the damage hes caused - but for me, stupid games win stupid prizes, I have absolutely no sympathy.

My son now wont ask him for any money, wont ask for his parents details and has been very obtuse about the whole thing and I feel he is protecting this guy.

I don't care that he's in Hospital. He should have at least given his full name and contact details at the scene, or when my son then asked afterwards... or his parents details.....
We cant report to the insurance as the smash happened nearly 4 days ago, and my husband is saying that they will write off the bike and then the insurance will go up which we cant afford.

The damage total (currently) just for parts is £200, but if they repair the gear leaver and the gearbox doesn't work it could run into a couple of grand - more than the cost of the bike, meaning that we just have this hunk of metal sat in the garage... mores to the point the PARENTS KNOW! and have done absolutely nothing to rectify the situation.

I am having to go into work late to take my son to college, his dad is having to pick him up, we are having to ferry him to and from work and to his GFs..... which my son doesn't see a problem with.... but it frustrates me! because of his ASD, my son WILL NOT get public transport.

I put a Facebook post on today asking for more information at the parents details..... my son and husband are fuming and are telling me I'm interfering that hes 18 and blah blah blah.... BUT as an adult, he should be handling it in an adult way

  • taking the bike to a professional to be appraised
  • get a list of the damage and repairs
  • contacting the lad and his parents (regardless of if he is in hospital) and advising of the costs and sending an invoice.
But like I said, its all being hushed up and everyone is feeling sorry for this lad because he's in Hospital - where as I am fuming over the whole thing and think it should be handled differently and the police involved, my husband and son say that they will fix it and will foot the bill and no one needs to know!.... am I missing something? or as no one got a moral compass? why is that family allowing their teenage son to ride/drive without insurance? My son (yes at 18) wouldn't be leaving the house if I knew he was doing that!

My son has insurance and he is taxed. He's done all the right things, yet has ended up in this situation. Both are now not taking to me because of the FB post.... and they say I should have sympathy for the lad!

Am I just barking mad or am I justified with my anger? and do I need to "mind my own business?".... baring in mind, that whenever something goes wrong with work or college he immediately contacts me to "do something".

OP posts:
Sirzy · 16/09/2025 18:01

I think the play stupid games win stupid prizes has to apply to your son here too I’m afraid. He was hanging out with a group of people being idiots on bikes. He is lucky it was only his bike damaged.

He needs to claim for the damage on his insurance. He needs to pick better friends!

Lollytea655 · 16/09/2025 18:02

These are all grown adults, it’s up to them how they sort it out, or choose not to. Parents have absolutely nothing to do with it.

JohnofWessex · 16/09/2025 18:03

More to the point the perpetrator could end up killing someone so the sooner he gets banned and imprisoned the better

Randomchat · 16/09/2025 18:04

Insurance. Surely some cash for a written off bike is better than nothing? And if he hasn't got a bike he won't need to worry about increased insurance premiums for a while.

It's shit when it's not your fault but that's life.

I agree with you though, the guy in hospital doesnt deserve extra sympathy or to get away without paying just because he hurt himself.

Eggbaps · 16/09/2025 18:05

Your son needs to inform his insurance company and let them deal with it. No need for Facebook drama.

ChangingWeight · 16/09/2025 18:05

Call the insurance company now, it is still recent enough for them to act

TonTonMacoute · 16/09/2025 18:06

Im afraid I would be washing my hands of the whole thing.

If your DS wakes up and realises he has to deal with this matter like an adult, I would be offering to help. Contact the insurance company as an absolute first step.

If he just wants to go on sticking his head in the sand, sorry! No lifts, no money for repairs - ADHD or no ADHD.

And no, I wouldn't care about the idiot in hospital - I'd he even is in hospital

MeganM3 · 16/09/2025 18:07

Anger seems a bit OTT.
Your son is 18 with a motorbike. Damage was going to happen to it one way or another. Should have reported it or be prepared to suck up the cost, that’s it. Leave him to solve it.

WasherWoman25 · 16/09/2025 18:07

I’m kind of on the fence here. Lots to pick apart.

Your DH & DS want you to stay out of it and let him be an adult - fine, no more lifts. He’s an adult. He can get himself to work.

You have insurance for a reason, this would be a perfect time to use it.

Your DS does need to take some responsibility for his actions (lack of pictures, contact details, police etc).

To be honest, it sounds like your DS & DH are perhaps covering something else up that they don’t want you to know about.

AbzMoz · 16/09/2025 18:08

Why would you not contact both the insurance company and the police? Surely that’s more effective than playing Facebook detective?

This lad clearly had form for recklessness and your son’s bike is another casualty of that.

Nyancat · 16/09/2025 18:08

If he wants to be an adult and deal with it let him, but let him know that also involves making his own travel arrangements because you shouldn't be inconvenienced by his adult decisions not to deal with it properly.

tipsyraven · 16/09/2025 18:08

He’s legally obliged to inform his insurers even if he doesn’t make a claim. Not to do so will invalidate any insurance he has. There is a scheme to claim if the person who caused the accident didn’t have insurance and your son needs to learn these things. I don’t think you should get involved with the other party.

Upstartled · 16/09/2025 18:09

Well, yeah, if I was hanging out with thugs who are regularly in trouble with the police, I might think twice about grassing them up too. They clearly don't give a shit about behaving criminally. He needs to have a bloody good think about what he's doing with his life and about making better choices.

And who the hell encourages their teenage boy to get a motorbike anyway? They're not called organ donors for their charitable nature.

caramac04 · 16/09/2025 18:09

Well the idiot in hospital didn’t learn his lesson. Habitually driving with no insurance. He could kill or disable someone. Has he even got an appropriate motorcycle and car license?
I hope he gets prosecuted for the car driving without insurance.
Your son can still report to his insurers but I’m not sure that you can. Data protection.

CopperWhite · 16/09/2025 18:10

I think the play stupid games win stupid prizes has to apply to your son here too I’m afraid

This was my first thought too. It goes for you too OP because you could have made your son contact insurance as he should have done straight away, but you were happy to condone that bit of stupidity so you don’t have a leg to stand on.

Greggsit · 16/09/2025 18:12

We cant report to the insurance as the smash happened nearly 4 days ago, and my husband is saying that they will write off the bike and then the insurance will go up which we cant afford.

This is nonsense. It's quite literally what insurance is for. You've already said there could be a bill for thousands.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/09/2025 18:12

Two options:

He sorts himself without insurance and police.

He sorts himself with insurance and police.

If he does the former, then there's no lifts, no financial help - he was hanging around with dickheads, he could see dangerous behaviour going on around him and he chose to stay put rather than remove himself and his property, he has a part to play in his stuff getting damaged.

If he does the latter, then reasonable help should be offered.

Even if the other lad was insured, chances are he's not actually insured for dicking about in carparks, and carparks tend to have decent CCTV. Insurance companies are getting much tighter on exactly what use of the vehicle they insure the driver for!

Bitzee · 16/09/2025 18:12

You are supposed to go through the insurer. It’s what they are there for and you’re obliged to tell them after an accident. You should also take details and photos at the scene. It was your son’s choice not to do this so I personally wouldn’t be condoning that by offering lifts or money for repairs. He’s made his decision to not deal with the accident in the legal and correct way so now he suffers the consequences. It should hopefully be a valuable lesson to him. Just like the idiot who caused the damage will hopefully learn from his injuries. But no one should be contacting him or asking him to pay because that’s not how the system works- the insurer is supposed to handle it. Also the police if applicable. Your facebook post was inappropriate and cringeworthy. Take it down.

Caroparo52 · 16/09/2025 18:15

You need to report the whole sorry mess to the insurance company. That's what they're there for. Yes the premium will go up but it was a no fault (by ds) accident.
The alternative is to repair bike at your own cost. If you don't do anything then no bike and lots of agro for you.
I would get a proper quote for the repair first

sanityisamyth · 16/09/2025 18:15

Sirzy · 16/09/2025 18:01

I think the play stupid games win stupid prizes has to apply to your son here too I’m afraid. He was hanging out with a group of people being idiots on bikes. He is lucky it was only his bike damaged.

He needs to claim for the damage on his insurance. He needs to pick better friends!

This.

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:15

CopperWhite · 16/09/2025 18:10

I think the play stupid games win stupid prizes has to apply to your son here too I’m afraid

This was my first thought too. It goes for you too OP because you could have made your son contact insurance as he should have done straight away, but you were happy to condone that bit of stupidity so you don’t have a leg to stand on.

I tried to. I can’t because of data protection.

OP posts:
Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:17

Greggsit · 16/09/2025 18:12

We cant report to the insurance as the smash happened nearly 4 days ago, and my husband is saying that they will write off the bike and then the insurance will go up which we cant afford.

This is nonsense. It's quite literally what insurance is for. You've already said there could be a bill for thousands.

I mean to say, that’s what my husband says. I personally think he should call the police and the insurance.

neither are listening .

OP posts:
JustPinkFinch · 16/09/2025 18:18

They all sound like irritating/dangerous little twats tbh. I'd be pissed off that my son hangs around carparks fucking about on mortorbikes and I wouldn't contribute to a future one. Sounds like a good thing it's fucked OP. Take it as a sign from the Gods.

jonthebatiste · 16/09/2025 18:20

I'm afraid you lost me at buying your 18yo son a motorbike. No sympathy for any of the actors in this. I think you're expending a lot of energy on completely the wrong thing.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 16/09/2025 18:20

The other man’s parents are presumably dealing with the fact their son drove himself into a wall.

Whether or not you feel sorry for him, he is both responsible for what’s happened, and in hospital as a result.

And insurance is for those occasions when an uninsured idiot wipes you out. It’s part of the cost of driving unfortunately. My car was written off by an insured idiot, but it still cost me a lot. It’s frustrating, but inevitable.

You all need to be pleased the idiots didn’t hurt anyone.

And tell your son being an admiring audience doesn’t help.