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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give a crap about a man in hospital, after he destroyed my sons motorbike?

173 replies

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 17:57

My son turned 18 in June 25. He has ADHD, ODD and is on the ASD.

When he turned 18 he had £5k from his Gov Trust account. £500 was from the Gov in 2007, the rest I put in over the next 17 years.

With that money he brought a 2nd hand motorbike, 6 months old and only had 500 miles on it - absolute beauty and a bargain. Insurance is sky high so we help him pay for it and occasionally give him money for petrol. He already had the safety gear (We brought him a moped for his 16th in 2023)

This bike was his baby. Its now off the road with several things wrong, including the gearbox (we think) being broken.

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid. My sons bike was parked with several other when one idiot, with a chap on the back lost control doing a wheelie and smashed into the stationary bikes... causing damage to all of them, but my sons was the worst. No ambulance was called, no police and everything was "hush hush" - I didn't know what had happed to the morning after.
They guy that crashed has no insurance. He said to my son "I will pay for the damage, but I need to go as I have no insurance". The then got on his bike and left.

My son didn't take photos, didnt take videos and point blank refuses to give me the guys name or any details.... now yes, Ive had the talk about what to do in that situation if it ever arises again - me? I just thought it was common sense....and there was a Snapchat video taken by someone else of the accident...... but anyway.

Since it happened (last Friday, today is Tuesday) the lad has NOT been in contact, so my son messages and asks if he can let him know about paying for the damage. The guy says he's in hospital...... comes to pass that he was stopped by the police for no insurance on Friday night, then drove his GFs car (also uninsured to drive it) into a wall earlier today.... I think, because of the damage hes caused - but for me, stupid games win stupid prizes, I have absolutely no sympathy.

My son now wont ask him for any money, wont ask for his parents details and has been very obtuse about the whole thing and I feel he is protecting this guy.

I don't care that he's in Hospital. He should have at least given his full name and contact details at the scene, or when my son then asked afterwards... or his parents details.....
We cant report to the insurance as the smash happened nearly 4 days ago, and my husband is saying that they will write off the bike and then the insurance will go up which we cant afford.

The damage total (currently) just for parts is £200, but if they repair the gear leaver and the gearbox doesn't work it could run into a couple of grand - more than the cost of the bike, meaning that we just have this hunk of metal sat in the garage... mores to the point the PARENTS KNOW! and have done absolutely nothing to rectify the situation.

I am having to go into work late to take my son to college, his dad is having to pick him up, we are having to ferry him to and from work and to his GFs..... which my son doesn't see a problem with.... but it frustrates me! because of his ASD, my son WILL NOT get public transport.

I put a Facebook post on today asking for more information at the parents details..... my son and husband are fuming and are telling me I'm interfering that hes 18 and blah blah blah.... BUT as an adult, he should be handling it in an adult way

  • taking the bike to a professional to be appraised
  • get a list of the damage and repairs
  • contacting the lad and his parents (regardless of if he is in hospital) and advising of the costs and sending an invoice.
But like I said, its all being hushed up and everyone is feeling sorry for this lad because he's in Hospital - where as I am fuming over the whole thing and think it should be handled differently and the police involved, my husband and son say that they will fix it and will foot the bill and no one needs to know!.... am I missing something? or as no one got a moral compass? why is that family allowing their teenage son to ride/drive without insurance? My son (yes at 18) wouldn't be leaving the house if I knew he was doing that!

My son has insurance and he is taxed. He's done all the right things, yet has ended up in this situation. Both are now not taking to me because of the FB post.... and they say I should have sympathy for the lad!

Am I just barking mad or am I justified with my anger? and do I need to "mind my own business?".... baring in mind, that whenever something goes wrong with work or college he immediately contacts me to "do something".

OP posts:
AllTheChaos · 16/09/2025 18:22

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:15

I tried to. I can’t because of data protection.

Is the insurance solely in his name, or are you on there too in some capacity? If the former then the insurance company will need his agreement to discuss certain things with you, but there’s nothing to stop you notifying them of what happened. You will almost certainly be asked to confirm that they can provide your name to your son as the person who notified them. They will then contact your son to discuss. It will look far better coming from him though.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 16/09/2025 18:22

You should report the whole thing to the police.

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:24

jonthebatiste · 16/09/2025 18:20

I'm afraid you lost me at buying your 18yo son a motorbike. No sympathy for any of the actors in this. I think you're expending a lot of energy on completely the wrong thing.

I didn’t. He did. with the money he got from his savings, which legally became his at 18.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 16/09/2025 18:27

You’re not going to get any money from the person who did it. Playing Facebook detective will get you nowhere and potentially cause a load of hassle. So forget/take down both of those things.

Work with your son to work out how best to resolve the situation whether that is insurance or paying for the repairs.

Your son needs to stop hanging around with those people.

jonthebatiste · 16/09/2025 18:27

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:24

I didn’t. He did. with the money he got from his savings, which legally became his at 18.

In which case I'd be staying right out of it. He made a stupid decision to buy the thing; stupid decision to hang out with idiots; stupid decision not go through insurance; stupid decision to not take it up with the lad in hospital. He'll learn from this error as long as you don't pay for the repairs. Let it sit in the garage as a useless heap of metal until HE gets around to fixing it/paying for it to be fixed. Take comfort from the fact that that will be fewer trips out on it for him to endanger himself.

Sorry - I've lost someone to a motorbike crash and I have no filter. I feel extremely strongly about young boys/men on motorbikes.

MJxJones · 16/09/2025 18:28

Is it definitely confirmed this guy is in hospital? I mean do you know that for a fact or just going by what he told ypur son in a text?

Abominableday · 16/09/2025 18:29

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:24

I didn’t. He did. with the money he got from his savings, which legally became his at 18.

You got a lad with adhd a moped at 16 though.

Tubestrike · 16/09/2025 18:32

Just make it very clear to your son that you won't be paying for the repairs and if your husband does then he's an idiot. It should be reported to the police and insurance. It does sound as if your son isn't mature enough for a motorbike as well as them being a death trap.

safetyfreak · 16/09/2025 18:35

Your son is a grown ass man,

Leave him to it, also, stop with the lifts, eurgh.

Also, having ADHD doesn't stop him from being accountable and learning these life lessons. If mummy and daddy keep bailing him out and giving lifts, he will never learn.

Your job is to prepare him for adulthood, not baby him.

Sirzy · 16/09/2025 18:35

You trying to fix this for him won’t help. He is able enough to get a bike licence and purchase one. He needs to learn to deal with the consequences of his actions.

I do wonder if he tells the insurance company he was with a group of people arsing around their bikes if they will cover him anyway!

BauhausOfEliott · 16/09/2025 18:38

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:24

I didn’t. He did. with the money he got from his savings, which legally became his at 18.

Then this is up to him to sort out.

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid.

I don’t have a huge amount of sympathy for anyone involved here. A bunch of 18-year-olds were all behaving like they’re 13, ‘razzing around’ at a shopping centre on motorbikes? Completely predictable that there was an accident, then. You’re making a big drama out of all this.

Elsvieta · 16/09/2025 18:40

Seems likely that either ds isn't telling you the whole truth about how the accident happened, or this other person is threatening him and he's scared threats will be carried out if he tells you or anyone else.

If he won't do the sensible thing, well, perhaps this is how he learns. Tell him you won't be paying for repairs or for any more insurance, and he'll have to go without a bike until he can fund it solo. Dangerous things like cars and motorbikes are for people who have the maturity to act like responsible adults.

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:42

MJxJones · 16/09/2025 18:28

Is it definitely confirmed this guy is in hospital? I mean do you know that for a fact or just going by what he told ypur son in a text?

This my point. There is no evidence of being in hospital.

to me, it’s an avoidance technique.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/09/2025 18:44

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid. My sons bike was parked with several other when one idiot, with a chap on the back lost control doing a wheelie and smashed into the stationary bikes... causing damage to all of them, but my sons was the worst. No ambulance was called, no police and everything was "hush hush" - I didn't know what had happed to the morning after.

I wouldn't believe a word of this, especially as he's being so cagey about the 'person who crashed into an innocently parked bike and is in hospital now'.

Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:44

safetyfreak · 16/09/2025 18:35

Your son is a grown ass man,

Leave him to it, also, stop with the lifts, eurgh.

Also, having ADHD doesn't stop him from being accountable and learning these life lessons. If mummy and daddy keep bailing him out and giving lifts, he will never learn.

Your job is to prepare him for adulthood, not baby him.

I am trying too, hence why I want to go through insurance and tell the police.

I have only took him for 2 days because we couldn’t get hold of the other lad 😂

believe me, he will be walking the rest of the time

OP posts:
Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:45

NeverDropYourMooncup · 16/09/2025 18:44

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid. My sons bike was parked with several other when one idiot, with a chap on the back lost control doing a wheelie and smashed into the stationary bikes... causing damage to all of them, but my sons was the worst. No ambulance was called, no police and everything was "hush hush" - I didn't know what had happed to the morning after.

I wouldn't believe a word of this, especially as he's being so cagey about the 'person who crashed into an innocently parked bike and is in hospital now'.

There is a video of it. So it is actually true.

OP posts:
Lollylucyclark101 · 16/09/2025 18:47

Abominableday · 16/09/2025 18:29

You got a lad with adhd a moped at 16 though.

He was insured, had a licence and wasn’t arrested. He went to and from college and to and from work. He had all the safety gear and it was a 50cc, so a top speed of 40mph.

if he was driving it erratically or dangerously, then if understand your point, but he wasn’t.

OP posts:
Fatandfluffy · 16/09/2025 18:48

Sounds like your son has been hanging out with criminals and him and the dad are now saying they’ll sort it themselves as….well you don’t report some people to the police do you.

Personally, I think it’s disgusting he’s hanging around ‘razzing’ on motorbikes, friends doing wheelies, crashing. He’ll kill someone before long. If he’s not killed himself

Vaxtable · 16/09/2025 18:49

If you husband and son think they will sort it leave it to them. But your husband can also sort all the lifts. You do none

MumWifeOther · 16/09/2025 18:49

He sounds more than capable of taking public transport and I think you’d do well
to stop enabling him actually

Motnight · 16/09/2025 18:51

Vaxtable · 16/09/2025 18:49

If you husband and son think they will sort it leave it to them. But your husband can also sort all the lifts. You do none

Agree with this. I took think that you aren't being told the whole story as well.

CharlieKirkRIP · 16/09/2025 18:54

Your son sounds as dodgy as the other chap, if the other chap actually exists.

LoyalMember · 16/09/2025 18:54

Your son won't get public transport? Well, he's going to have to, isn't he?

BlueJuniper94 · 16/09/2025 18:55

"I am having to go into work late to take my son to college, his dad is having to pick him up, we are having to ferry him to and from work and to his GFs..... which my son doesn't see a problem with.... but it frustrates me! because of his ASD, my son WILL NOT get public transport."

I wouldn't be facilitating this, he can get a bus

Bologneselove · 16/09/2025 18:56

you son is an adult which means he’s responsible for sorting the mess. The other lad may be at fault but it’s nothing to do with his parents so doubt they’d appreciate you dragging them into it. Your son has insurance which he should claim on as that’s what’s it’s there for. It’s some of your son’s fault for hanging around with idiots.