To not give a crap about a man in hospital, after he destroyed my sons motorbike?

[Lollylucyclark101]

My son turned 18 in June 25. He has ADHD, ODD and is on the ASD.

When he turned 18 he had £5k from his Gov Trust account. £500 was from the Gov in 2007, the rest I put in over the next 17 years.

With that money he brought a 2nd hand motorbike, 6 months old and only had 500 miles on it - absolute beauty and a bargain. Insurance is sky high so we help him pay for it and occasionally give him money for petrol. He already had the safety gear (We brought him a moped for his 16th in 2023)

This bike was his baby. Its now off the road with several things wrong, including the gearbox (we think) being broken.

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid. My sons bike was parked with several other when one idiot, with a chap on the back lost control doing a wheelie and smashed into the stationary bikes... causing damage to all of them, but my sons was the worst. No ambulance was called, no police and everything was "hush hush" - I didn't know what had happed to the morning after.
They guy that crashed has no insurance. He said to my son "I will pay for the damage, but I need to go as I have no insurance". The then got on his bike and left.

My son didn't take photos, didnt take videos and point blank refuses to give me the guys name or any details.... now yes, Ive had the talk about what to do in that situation if it ever arises again - me? I just thought it was common sense....and there was a Snapchat video taken by someone else of the accident...... but anyway.

Since it happened (last Friday, today is Tuesday) the lad has NOT been in contact, so my son messages and asks if he can let him know about paying for the damage. The guy says he's in hospital...... comes to pass that he was stopped by the police for no insurance on Friday night, then drove his GFs car (also uninsured to drive it) into a wall earlier today.... I think, because of the damage hes caused - but for me, stupid games win stupid prizes, I have absolutely no sympathy.

My son now wont ask him for any money, wont ask for his parents details and has been very obtuse about the whole thing and I feel he is protecting this guy.

I don't care that he's in Hospital. He should have at least given his full name and contact details at the scene, or when my son then asked afterwards... or his parents details.....
We cant report to the insurance as the smash happened nearly 4 days ago, and my husband is saying that they will write off the bike and then the insurance will go up which we cant afford.

The damage total (currently) just for parts is £200, but if they repair the gear leaver and the gearbox doesn't work it could run into a couple of grand - more than the cost of the bike, meaning that we just have this hunk of metal sat in the garage... mores to the point the PARENTS KNOW! and have done absolutely nothing to rectify the situation.

I am having to go into work late to take my son to college, his dad is having to pick him up, we are having to ferry him to and from work and to his GFs..... which my son doesn't see a problem with.... but it frustrates me! because of his ASD, my son WILL NOT get public transport.

I put a Facebook post on today asking for more information at the parents details..... my son and husband are fuming and are telling me I'm interfering that hes 18 and blah blah blah.... BUT as an adult, he should be handling it in an adult way

• taking the bike to a professional to be appraised
• get a list of the damage and repairs
• contacting the lad and his parents (regardless of if he is in hospital) and advising of the costs and sending an invoice.

But like I said, its all being hushed up and everyone is feeling sorry for this lad because he's in Hospital - where as I am fuming over the whole thing and think it should be handled differently and the police involved, my husband and son say that they will fix it and will foot the bill and no one needs to know!.... am I missing something? or as no one got a moral compass? why is that family allowing their teenage son to ride/drive without insurance? My son (yes at 18) wouldn't be leaving the house if I knew he was doing that!

My son has insurance and he is taxed. He's done all the right things, yet has ended up in this situation. Both are now not taking to me because of the FB post.... and they say I should have sympathy for the lad!

Am I just barking mad or am I justified with my anger? and do I need to "mind my own business?".... baring in mind, that whenever something goes wrong with work or college he immediately contacts me to "do something".

Personally if yours sons hiding something just leave it alone you could bring more trouble and stress to him over money ! And yes I understand how annoying it all is but your possibly making things worse for him.

Don't forget that the Motor Insurers Bureau have a brief to deal with the financial implications of uninsured drivers. As ex probation I would draw a line about financial support to your son, because he needs to see the consequences of inaction, but continue to offer guidance about how to deal with it. Sometimes you gotta be tough. It's a lousy break for your son, but he put himself in a high risk environment.

You need to check the wording of your sons insurance. Assuming it is comprehensive it may have an "uninsured driver promise". If it does, it means that your sons ncb will not be impacted ( and any excess either waived or brought down to £300). You will have to give a name and address for the other person and report to the police.
In your shoes, I would find out the actual cost of repairs, check the wording of the policy and then decide. His insurers are unlikely to have an issue if you explain you were waiting on repair costs before deciding what to do.

Stop ferrying him to g/f . Tell him he needs a part time job to repair his bike.
if he wants to be a walk over then he pays the price.
Your H is being a Dick

Exactly this!! If he won’t sort it, leave him to figure it out. Having a list of issues isn’t really an excuse he doesn’t want to use public transport that’s up to him to figure an alternative.

Your son needs to hang around with better people. If be reporting the perpetrator. Is he perhaps scared of this person or scared of repercussion? 18 yo male with a motorbike is fraught with risk as it is. I have kids with ADHD and autism. Add that into the mix and the extra level of impulsivity.. motorbikes are a bad idea until they're a bit older.

because of his ASD, my son WILL NOT get public transport.

Yet he's capable of driving round on a motorbike, hanging out with idiots, has a girlfriend etc etc etc.
It's not just you taking your son for a ride, is it?!
Pop him on the bus, and sell the bike before he ends up in hospital or worse, as an organ donor. Motorbikes are deadly machines.

I work in a hospital (liaison officer to the police) and often Facebook is used by the police when an accident happens to find witnesses and sometimes to id the patient. Problem is this information sometimes leads to unexpected events. E.G. once had a patient who was hit by a cyclist whilst running. police checked Facebook for witnesses only to discover the patient had caused the accident after running from another accident. Careful what you post. The patient lost his license. Another time checking Facebook we discovered (patient agreed to access) she had crashed her friends car a few days before. Case all friendly. Unfortunately police checked Facebook incident and her friend’s insurance increased anyway.

Omg OP you've an 18yr old lad who cant manage a bus but you think a motorbike is a good idea?
You're an enabler and exactly the sort of parent someone with additional needs such as ADHD and ASD doesnt need. He needs to learn to grow up and behave like an adult, if hes sensible enough (which he obviously isnt) to have a motorbike which could literally kill someone then he needs to take responsibility..... oh wait hes 18, hanging about in car parks doing wheelies and being a nuisance and we're supposed to feel sorry for him and his poor boke 🙃. Sounds like a dodgy bunch of kids tbh your son included

Holy shit! Hell would freeze over before I'd facilitate any teen I loved to get a motorbike, let alone one with ADHD/ASD. Insanity!

Yep. No brains or common sense that one. I would not even allow my NT son at 16 anywhere near a motorbike, like fuck would I be so irresponsible a parent as to buy him one at 16 (I wouldn't even buy him one when he's 50!). The boy has ODD, so is very defiant and oppositional. The very last person who should be anywhere near a motorbike. In fact, due to the ODD, I'd be wary about him having a pushbike. What sort of parent buys a motorbike for a 16 year old child? And one with ODD, at that?. No common sense at all. Just give him a loaded gun, and a syringe with heroin in it, while you're at it.

Sadly this is true, if bluntly described.

I assessed folk with ASD, and u would say the vast majority would act similarly - not seeing they were being exploited /taken advantage of.

Do you expect the OP to thank you for your sage advice after that? Or have you simply written it to relieve yourself of some pent up aggression?

The OP didn't ask what mumsnet thought of her parenting decisions or for a personal critique. None of you know her or her son.

It's easy for people to say this sort of shit online when there are no consequences for their rudeness.
Cowardly AND arrogant. A winning mumsnet combination.

The OP won't be back. Who would?

This

Teenagers on Motorbikes do daft things, there is a group of these near where I live racing about with silly old exhausts late at night, the police will do nothing.

as for the bike, get it looked at by the local bike shop, if its just been knocked over it is unlikely to have much damage other than cosmetic, which secondhand panels etc will fix, a bent gear lever is likely to be just that!

If he gets another bike it looks likely he will end up dead. Once he knows all lifts have stopped if he wants to get to work and see his girlfriend he will have to get used to buses. You are pandering to his demands at the moment. He needs to get used to buses or do a bike training scheme as a cyclist.

I bet you think women who wear revealing clothing are to blame for being sexually assaulted too

Get the bike checked out by a reputable bike repair shop. I understand motorbikes and if it was just knocked over it is likely to be superficial scrapes and a bent gear change is most unlikely to have caused internal gear box damage . Can’t you just replace the gear pedal/straighten it out and fire the bike up and check the gear box ?

1- As a mother, you are obviously concerned. Honestly your husband and son are quite stupid, handling this the "man's way". As I see it, you have two options: either you call the insurance and place the claim yourself, 2- You ask your husband and son one last time to do it and you warn them if they do not, you will wash your hands from ANY and all taxing. Your son may be on the spectrum and have also ADHD, but I think that he is a terribly spoiled brat, to boot. If he is used to you saving him from the holes he digs himself, be ready to still have to get hin out of trouble when he is 40. Wait until he leaves one of his GF pregnant and then decides to move with her and a baby to your basement. Let your husband do the taxing and teach him how to use public transport. it will not kill him. (a motorcycle, on the other hand, is far more likely, particularly because he does not seem to be very careful and mature to begin with) . He should get a part-time job and pay for the repairs or a replacement himself.

I’d be annoyed too.

you have to let your son wear the consequences now. No more lifts.

his bike is destroyed, his savings gone, his mode of transportation defunct. His choice whether he reports it or wears the consequences of not doing so.

This.

You won't get any money back. The individual responsible has his girlfriend's car and a wall to pay for first, and he has no insurance.

Write it up to experience and encourage your ds to make better friends. What kind of person spends their time pulling wheelies through a shopping centre? Your ds needs to avoid the current group before he gets a criminal record.

I had a bike for seven years. Be grateful your ds no longer has his. His chances of living beyond 25 have just improved 100 fold.

Just go to your insurers. A few days later wont matter they just say 24 hours in case inspection or evidence is required quickly.