To not give a crap about a man in hospital, after he destroyed my sons motorbike?

[Lollylucyclark101]

My son turned 18 in June 25. He has ADHD, ODD and is on the ASD.

When he turned 18 he had £5k from his Gov Trust account. £500 was from the Gov in 2007, the rest I put in over the next 17 years.

With that money he brought a 2nd hand motorbike, 6 months old and only had 500 miles on it - absolute beauty and a bargain. Insurance is sky high so we help him pay for it and occasionally give him money for petrol. He already had the safety gear (We brought him a moped for his 16th in 2023)

This bike was his baby. Its now off the road with several things wrong, including the gearbox (we think) being broken.

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid. My sons bike was parked with several other when one idiot, with a chap on the back lost control doing a wheelie and smashed into the stationary bikes... causing damage to all of them, but my sons was the worst. No ambulance was called, no police and everything was "hush hush" - I didn't know what had happed to the morning after.
They guy that crashed has no insurance. He said to my son "I will pay for the damage, but I need to go as I have no insurance". The then got on his bike and left.

My son didn't take photos, didnt take videos and point blank refuses to give me the guys name or any details.... now yes, Ive had the talk about what to do in that situation if it ever arises again - me? I just thought it was common sense....and there was a Snapchat video taken by someone else of the accident...... but anyway.

Since it happened (last Friday, today is Tuesday) the lad has NOT been in contact, so my son messages and asks if he can let him know about paying for the damage. The guy says he's in hospital...... comes to pass that he was stopped by the police for no insurance on Friday night, then drove his GFs car (also uninsured to drive it) into a wall earlier today.... I think, because of the damage hes caused - but for me, stupid games win stupid prizes, I have absolutely no sympathy.

My son now wont ask him for any money, wont ask for his parents details and has been very obtuse about the whole thing and I feel he is protecting this guy.

I don't care that he's in Hospital. He should have at least given his full name and contact details at the scene, or when my son then asked afterwards... or his parents details.....
We cant report to the insurance as the smash happened nearly 4 days ago, and my husband is saying that they will write off the bike and then the insurance will go up which we cant afford.

The damage total (currently) just for parts is £200, but if they repair the gear leaver and the gearbox doesn't work it could run into a couple of grand - more than the cost of the bike, meaning that we just have this hunk of metal sat in the garage... mores to the point the PARENTS KNOW! and have done absolutely nothing to rectify the situation.

I am having to go into work late to take my son to college, his dad is having to pick him up, we are having to ferry him to and from work and to his GFs..... which my son doesn't see a problem with.... but it frustrates me! because of his ASD, my son WILL NOT get public transport.

I put a Facebook post on today asking for more information at the parents details..... my son and husband are fuming and are telling me I'm interfering that hes 18 and blah blah blah.... BUT as an adult, he should be handling it in an adult way

• taking the bike to a professional to be appraised
• get a list of the damage and repairs
• contacting the lad and his parents (regardless of if he is in hospital) and advising of the costs and sending an invoice.

But like I said, its all being hushed up and everyone is feeling sorry for this lad because he's in Hospital - where as I am fuming over the whole thing and think it should be handled differently and the police involved, my husband and son say that they will fix it and will foot the bill and no one needs to know!.... am I missing something? or as no one got a moral compass? why is that family allowing their teenage son to ride/drive without insurance? My son (yes at 18) wouldn't be leaving the house if I knew he was doing that!

My son has insurance and he is taxed. He's done all the right things, yet has ended up in this situation. Both are now not taking to me because of the FB post.... and they say I should have sympathy for the lad!

Am I just barking mad or am I justified with my anger? and do I need to "mind my own business?".... baring in mind, that whenever something goes wrong with work or college he immediately contacts me to "do something".

Yes. Wondering if the son was actually fooling around as well and is too afraid to say because of the anger you are already showing. The fact that he is clamming up rather than protesting against the other kid is a red flag for me. I have 2 sons with ADD/autism as this is how I read it. I do know they are all different though. Maybe ask Dad to have a quiet word with him. He may get more response.

Of course he claims on insurance; if he refuses to do so then leave him to the consequences.
He may be safer off the road himself with friends like these. If he cancels the insurance he could get a small refund and invest in a pushbike.
I’m not feeling much sympathy for him and nor should you; his motorcycling days are over.

YANBU but your son sounds far too immature to be in possession of a motorbike. And you bought him a moped for his 16th birthday? I am aghast at that. Why would you do such a thing? Why not a proper car? Although I wouldn't trust him with that, either. I would never allow my 16 year old anywhere near a motorbike, let alone buy him one, I don't think that's responsible parenting. He needs to learn responsibility and I would point blank refuse to take him to college, that would force his hand and he'd have to take public transport, or walk. Or save up to buy another vehicle. You and your husband are not helping by mollycoddling him and ferrying here and there. You're making a rod for your own back and not teaching him that actions have consequences. He will never grow up while you reward him for his irresponsible actions.

PS for all you/your son knows, the man probably isn't in hospital and made the story up to get your son off his back. Your son will never see any money from that man, and you know that. Forget the man. He isn't even part of this actual story. He is irrelevant to this. The story is your son's immaturity and inability to adult because you are spoiling and mollycoddling him.

Why did you even let him buy a motorbike in the first place if he's only 18 / ND?

Yep. Both the son and his parents/OP sound very irresponsible and none too bright. A pushbike would have sufficed at 16.

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid.

So they were on private land? In a gang being stupid? It's an expensive lesson for your son to learn whether he goes through the insurance or not.

Forget the guy in the hospital, if that’s even true.

The issue here is that your son clearly isn’t responsible enough for a motorbike. Absolute mad decision to help him pay to get it insured.

Let him deal with it, don’t pay for anything else on account of how immature he is being, and he doesn’t get to refuse public transport any more.

If you are caught lying to an insurance company your claim will be denied. It will also be noted and can badly effect you getting any type of insurance for life.

YABU buying your teenage son a motorbike. I am not sure anyone should ride one, but sure as hell not someone who ends up hanging around the kind of people your son has been with. Use this incident to back track on that crazy decision.

Have you saw the video?

That's good. Can you get a copy for the insurance company. They may be able to do it themselves if you let them know as they will payout your son and then collect from the other boy. Is the other boy or his friends threatening him by any chance? This would take the heat of him as he isn't directly naming him.

I think you can just call the police and insurance yourself.

If he can't afford to insure another motorbike that will be a good thing.

He can buy an electric bicycle capped at 15mph and get better friends.

This whole situation sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and it will be a good thing if he learns from it.

You should just call the police.

I say this gently, as I have a son with ASD/ADHD/PDA… giving a bike to a just turned 18 year old, let alone one with these diagnoses, is asking for trouble.

He’s proved he’s not mature enough to deal with this already. This should have been an immediate call to the police.

Has your son still got the moped? If so, he can use that for transport. If not, he either walks or starts using public transport. Cut the lifts and refuse to contribute towards the repairs.

Yes. Let them know your son is ND etc that is why you are advocating for him and they should be understanding Go to police first for a report. Once you have done that you may feel less stressed and you son may open up to you.

I'm not sure why everyone see her son as this boy who shouldn't be hanging around with these 'bad friends'.
He's one of them, he's not some poor kid who has got caught up with the wrong crowd...he is the wrong crowd.

Oh I totally agree

Leave the parents out of it. What exactly are you expecting them to do? Pay for the damage? This is nothing to do with them, it's on their son.

Motorcycles are so dangerous even in the right hands which clearly is not your son. I can’t stand thugs like your son and his friends who razz about on motorbikes as you say. Luckily it was only a bike that was damaged this time. You won’t get any money from the guy who caused this (if your son is yelling the truth) because he won’t have any. I don’t understand people like you at all.

This is a tough situation because your ds is legally an adult and has to sort this out himself but he is also still a teenager and a vulnerable one at that, and on top of everything else i am sure that you are worried that if you don't bring him to college he might drop out. Pps are right though, the idiot isn't going to pay anything, whether he is in hospital or not. The motorbike needs to be left where it is until your ds has the means to get it fixed himself. I don't know much about insurance but it has to be sorted out one way or another, can he go back to using his moped for college, or has that been sold.

Don't involve the insurers for a couple of hundred quid. His excess will be more than that and his premium could double/ treble even though he wasn't at fault.

make a claim to the motor insurance buraeu for damage caused by an uninsured driver.

https://www.mib.org.uk/making-a-claim/claiming-against-an-uninsured-driver/

We made a claim for damage caused to my mums house by a car, took a while but they did pay out eventually

The number one reason I don’t want to save for my young son in his own name, is my fear that when he turns 18 he would get a motorbike! I know you don’t share the same view, as you helped pay the insurance and described it as a beauty (rather than a death trap) but I’d say no more bike + no one seriously hurt/dead = great news, happy days.

It’s lucky that he was sitting on the bench! I hear you about insurance cost rising, even if not your fault - for an 18 year old could make it all completely unaffordable going forward.

Presumably this guy also has a car to repair now so I would wonder if they are going to come forward with any money. I would get the bike looked at asap to see what the costs are to repair. If it is £200 I would fix it and not involve the insurance

You son is 18 so it is up to him to decide how to handle things. I know he has additional needs but this is all a learning curve. I know you want to support him but you really can only advise him, whether he chooses to take notice is up to him.
As he is at college, I’m assuming he has an EHCP for his needs, has he considered asking for travel training? It’s invaluable for SEN students and helps them gain more independence and confidence using public transport. He would have someone support him to get to college, understand bus timetables etc until he was able to do it independently.