To not give a crap about a man in hospital, after he destroyed my sons motorbike?

[Lollylucyclark101]

My son turned 18 in June 25. He has ADHD, ODD and is on the ASD.

When he turned 18 he had £5k from his Gov Trust account. £500 was from the Gov in 2007, the rest I put in over the next 17 years.

With that money he brought a 2nd hand motorbike, 6 months old and only had 500 miles on it - absolute beauty and a bargain. Insurance is sky high so we help him pay for it and occasionally give him money for petrol. He already had the safety gear (We brought him a moped for his 16th in 2023)

This bike was his baby. Its now off the road with several things wrong, including the gearbox (we think) being broken.

My son was at the shopping centre, he was sitting on a bench with his GF and friends, and other friends (all around the same age) were razzing around on their bikes being stupid. My sons bike was parked with several other when one idiot, with a chap on the back lost control doing a wheelie and smashed into the stationary bikes... causing damage to all of them, but my sons was the worst. No ambulance was called, no police and everything was "hush hush" - I didn't know what had happed to the morning after.
They guy that crashed has no insurance. He said to my son "I will pay for the damage, but I need to go as I have no insurance". The then got on his bike and left.

My son didn't take photos, didnt take videos and point blank refuses to give me the guys name or any details.... now yes, Ive had the talk about what to do in that situation if it ever arises again - me? I just thought it was common sense....and there was a Snapchat video taken by someone else of the accident...... but anyway.

Since it happened (last Friday, today is Tuesday) the lad has NOT been in contact, so my son messages and asks if he can let him know about paying for the damage. The guy says he's in hospital...... comes to pass that he was stopped by the police for no insurance on Friday night, then drove his GFs car (also uninsured to drive it) into a wall earlier today.... I think, because of the damage hes caused - but for me, stupid games win stupid prizes, I have absolutely no sympathy.

My son now wont ask him for any money, wont ask for his parents details and has been very obtuse about the whole thing and I feel he is protecting this guy.

I don't care that he's in Hospital. He should have at least given his full name and contact details at the scene, or when my son then asked afterwards... or his parents details.....
We cant report to the insurance as the smash happened nearly 4 days ago, and my husband is saying that they will write off the bike and then the insurance will go up which we cant afford.

The damage total (currently) just for parts is £200, but if they repair the gear leaver and the gearbox doesn't work it could run into a couple of grand - more than the cost of the bike, meaning that we just have this hunk of metal sat in the garage... mores to the point the PARENTS KNOW! and have done absolutely nothing to rectify the situation.

I am having to go into work late to take my son to college, his dad is having to pick him up, we are having to ferry him to and from work and to his GFs..... which my son doesn't see a problem with.... but it frustrates me! because of his ASD, my son WILL NOT get public transport.

I put a Facebook post on today asking for more information at the parents details..... my son and husband are fuming and are telling me I'm interfering that hes 18 and blah blah blah.... BUT as an adult, he should be handling it in an adult way

• taking the bike to a professional to be appraised
• get a list of the damage and repairs
• contacting the lad and his parents (regardless of if he is in hospital) and advising of the costs and sending an invoice.

But like I said, its all being hushed up and everyone is feeling sorry for this lad because he's in Hospital - where as I am fuming over the whole thing and think it should be handled differently and the police involved, my husband and son say that they will fix it and will foot the bill and no one needs to know!.... am I missing something? or as no one got a moral compass? why is that family allowing their teenage son to ride/drive without insurance? My son (yes at 18) wouldn't be leaving the house if I knew he was doing that!

My son has insurance and he is taxed. He's done all the right things, yet has ended up in this situation. Both are now not taking to me because of the FB post.... and they say I should have sympathy for the lad!

Am I just barking mad or am I justified with my anger? and do I need to "mind my own business?".... baring in mind, that whenever something goes wrong with work or college he immediately contacts me to "do something".

If he does get the bike back on the road he needs to be taught that a motorcycle is a mode of transport for getting from A to B, and that he shouldn’t be hanging round in gangs on it in shopping centres, unless he quite fancies an ASBO.

I have an ASD/ADHD adult child, and just the thought of them on a motorbike as a teenager chills my blood. 🙈

Hell would freeze over before I bought any 16 or 18 year old of mine a motorbike. They’re dangerous. So YABU, sorry.

With luck this episode will go some way to your son seeking better company than wee arseholes who tear about car parks uninsured on motorbikes, then shirk responsibility for the damage caused.

Unfortunately your son is young and is more swayed by the lads than self-preservation.
Hopefully he'll learn from this.

The other lad is on a path to self destruction. Crashing a motorbike messing around, getting stopped driving with no insurance and (despite these actions being entirely his own choices) feeling sorry for himself enough, or mentally ill enough, to take his girlfriends' car and drive it into a wall. All within a matter of days. Who knows what other shit he has got up to in the recent past. I expect his parents are all out of picking up after him. They are probably just grateful he is alive - if his girlfriend had a motorbike too rather than car he wouldn't be. If he doesn't change his ways and get serious help he's not long for this world is he?

I would forget the lad in hospital - there is no hope of getting anywhere with him. Just be grateful that your son isn't the one determined to self destruct.

If it were me I would be having a serious chat with my son in regards to the above and the people he is hanging around with. I would examine the lads behaviour and talk about how he will soon either be dead/very disabled or in prison.

Personally if I could give my son lifts to college rather than have him on a motorbike I would - especially in the winter.

Does your son have a part time job? The run up to Christmas is a great time to get a foot in the door of retail with a seasonal job. I would forget the bike (leave it in the garage) and encourage your son to get a job and driving lessons. He can sell the bike later for cash towards a car. He will be much safer and much more likely to survive an accident in one piece.

To add; while I completely understand your frustration, you've got to let him do it his own way for now.
Let him lose his prized possession to cushion this lad. He'll regret it but he'll learn a lot.

An 18 year old with ADHD and a motorbike? Honestly, the bike getting trashed may well have saved his life.

@Lollylucyclark101

(1) While your son's motorbike was destroyed, it was given to him for free as he didn't spend his own money. It would be worse if he had bought it himself, as would be normal for a teenage or someone in their early 20s.

(2) Your son should know better than to be in close proximity to twats.

(3) Your son letting this guy off the hook shows that he has no backbone and is weirdly subservient to other people.

I take more issue with your son in this rather than the other twat on his bike.

Your son needs to grow up and he needs to tell his insurance.

I think someone his age on a motorbike is the peak of stupidity to be honest! There’s a reason the insurance is sky high…

I don’t know why you mention his diagnosis or cost of bike etc, that’s all irrelevant…

Are you sure your son is telling the truth that it was someone else who damaged his bike and he didn’t crash it himself?

Yes, this man child is an idiot but so is your son for not giving his name! He is dangerous and could go on to kill someone with his irresponsible behaviour!

You can definitely put in a claim after 4 days. I submitted a claim for my dog (part of my contents insurance) about 18 months after the bill. I'd gotten swamped at work when she had surgery then it slipped my mind. Insurance company were great, no issues processing it.

You lost me on the first paragraph.

I'm not sure you should have made a Facebook post but I understand the frustration.

As a side note i'd be absolutely terrified if my son wanted a motorbike at 18.

You said that you pay towards his insurance and other costs. Which was all a waste because when he needs to make a claim he refuses to because it's one of his dickhead mates.
Stop the lifts. You are being taken for a mug.

Hmm, so not just 1 motorbike with a lot of damage at the hands of a 3rd party, but 1 girlfriend's car also written off within a matter of days, by the same 3rd party. Who happens to have no insurance. OK....

There is surely a lot more to this, and I'm not entirely believing the 'He's in hospital' story. Whenever similar things have come up, it's usually to someone who has been easily led by the nose and who then gets into some non-trifling trouble by proxy.

Ideally, this should be a big spotlight to announce the end of your DS hanging around in any place where that 3rd party has any opportunity to get behind any wheel.

What is the point of buying insurance if you aren’t going to use it?

Because at 18 it's a crazy price. My son is 24 this year finally his insurance has dropped to a reasonable price. He's never claimed but used a friendly local garage or his father to do anything on his car.

What exactly does "razzing around" actually mean? It sounds a suspiciously minimising term.

I'd be gutted my son had chosen such a stupid group of friends. And gutted he spent his savings on motorbike. And glad he could no longer ride it.

Sounds like this was all a disaster waiting to happen.

Stop fixing his problems for him or he will never grow up. 18 and a bike when he has impulsivity and ADHD - lucky he's still alive. Don't repair or replace. Let him take the bus. No more lifts to his GF - I've heard t all now

You have an idiot for a son and you are a fool to get him a bike. What a ridiculous mess.

Sorry I have a son who is AuADHD. The very very last thing I would help him with paying for is a motorbike.
I mean its so dangerous for him and for others without ADHD but with it its a death wish. Look in the stats of young men dying on motorbikes and then add ND into the mix.
I don't usually give a fuck what other people do but think you have been foolish and I hopeit doesn't get resolved to keep him off the road. If he gets injured or worse injures someone else it will be partly your fault.

By law he has to inform his insurance company regardless of whether he’s making a claim. It will go down as something like a notifiable incident and he can specify the vehicle was parked, 3rd party hit it.

If he does not tell his insurance company and they somehow find out, they could refuse to cover any claims in future, and invalidate the policy based on non disclosure (which could also cause issues getting insurance in future).

Reporting it to his insurance company also helps protect your son and his policy - in a world of people making claims where they can for what they can and being unable to take responsibility for their own actions, who’s to say the idiot that crashed doing wheelies, isn’t going to realise that being so badly injured has financial implications, yet he can’t claim from his own insurance since he hasn’t got any - and therefore contemplates claiming off your son’s insurance, stating the collision happened because of where son’s bike was parked, that he’d only just put it there, any combination of reasons, and tries to make an injury claim against your son?? It’s probably unlikely he’ll do that since then he’d have to admit involvement and a lack of insurance - but it’s still possible.

As for your initial question, no I don’t think you’re unreasonable for not having much sympathy for someone who was riding not only illegally but also dangerously - and in the process injured himself and potentially wrote off your son’s bike.

As for son - he is 18, you have explained how he should have dealt with the situation - and yes it’s gutting for him to have his pride and joy damaged, and not his doing, BUT he needs to take some responsibility and learn the consequences of not taking the right actions (reporting to insurance, disclosing details of the person that caused the damage).

I wouldn’t bail him out by helping financially with repairs to his bike for as long as he is unwilling to be an adult about it - and I’d also recommend seeing if you can look up what the possible penalties are for not reporting the incident to his insurance and share that information with him too - better still if there is some information regarding this from the company he is insured with.

You need to stay out of it. Your son has made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want your advice or help, therefore stop. Stop the lifts, stop the encouragement to contact the police, and stop encouraging him to go through insurance. Let your son suffer the full consequences of his inaction. He wants you to treat him like a man, so stop being a free taxi.

Having said that, this story sounds made up (the story - not your post). I don’t believe your son, and I think your DH knows what actually happened. If the story you’ve been told is true, there is zero reason not to involve the police and insurance. The area would have CCTV. If the story isn’t true, and something else happened, I can see why your DH wouldn’t want him lying to the police / insurers.

But you’re still giving an 18 year old lifts. I’d award him his stupid prizes and say I’m going to go to work on time not be penalised for your stupidity here. You’ll have to work out how to get yourself to uni. Make sure dh knows you’ve said that.