To be absolutely raging at DS17 after shoplifting today?

[Cathn0]

Hi all, first time posting and I’m honestly shaking with anger and embarrassment right now.

Just had the call no mum wants. DS17 was caught shoplifting in town with a group of his so called mates. Security stopped them and rang me to come collect him. I thought they were joking at first. He was stood there like butter wouldn’t melt and apparently he’d shoved a pair of wireless earbuds down his jacket. Not even decent AirPods 🙄

When I asked him what on earth he was thinking he just shrugged and said everyone else was doing it and it was a laugh. A laugh! I could’ve died on the spot from shame. The security guard was actually really decent with me but made it clear if it happens again the police will be called.

I feel like the worst mum ever. I work hard, I’ve tried to bring him up right and now this. I know he’s not perfect, he’s been hanging round with a rougher crowd lately, but I never thought I’d be the parent of a shoplifter. My mum is living with us as well and of course she’s giving me grief about how this is all my fault. I just want to crawl under a rock.

So… AIBU to be raging at him and ready to come down hard? Do I ground him? Take his phone? March him down to the police station myself? Or is this just one of those teenage daft moments that I need to let him learn from?

I genuinely don’t know what’s fair and what’s over the top. Any advice very welcome

What drivel. This is in no way 'the call no mum wants'.

I fell for peer pressure and went shoplifting at 16. Got caught and the shame of it was horrendous. I'm very grateful that both my parents were understanding rather than angry, they'd both done stupid stuff when younger, they understood the shame and regret I was feeling and they didn't need to be angry with me for me to never do anything like it again.

I think in your shoes I'd be more concerned about the reaction and attitude, rather than the crime itself. That's something to dig into, he needs help understanding the potential consequences.

They aren’t the same but it’s not an ACCIDENT that the OP on the other thread has not tried to give Tesco its money back. I find it interesting where people draw their moral line. I wouldn’t dream of shoplifting but I also would never keep quiet if a company accidentally credited me with £300.

The only thing I would say is don't do the whole "he's got in with a rough crowd" or whatever. That's just excusing him for taking responsibility. He's 17 not 5.

Yes it was an accident that she ended up shopping she hadn’t paid for. And the error was not on her part. The next stage of course is deciding whether to repay it or not but the initial gain of getting something she hadn’t paid for was not deliberate and was not the poster’s fault, unlike shoplifting.

It's also theft, under the Theft Act. A policewoman got paid twice, by accident, and decided to keep quiet about it. She went to prison. It seriously is NOT a good idea to hope the person who paid you by accident won't notice. Not least in case they do.