Private school grief

[Movingonfeelssad]

Hey,
just came to the realization that private school for my child will not happen. Local State is good, cannot complain really, he will be fine, but will always wonder what doors private would have opened. We can afford it, mainly because of my income and this created so much pain in my husband that I decided to let it go. As a self made person from a very underprivileged background, it took so much grit and determination to get to where I am right now financially and I find it slightly challenging not to aim for the best for my child. But the value for money makes no sense with today’s fees and increasing costs, lifestyle creep etc…
what is the point of being successful as a professional if I need to hide it all the time? And before you say, yes my husband is very supportive of me otherwise…

Or maybe, just maybe some people are not being completely honest.

Nah, I think they’re being honest as I’d heard from a couple of sources that there are large gangs of unaccompanied ex private school young adults roaming around the country not only unable to find jobs but too thick to fill in benefits forms or even find the benefits office.

Agreed, though there are obvs plenty of people who can afford the fees, and give their kids £€$ for uni, postgrad, holidays, housing and on and on.

I'm interested that people are so anti choosing private school for their kids but absolutely fine with buying them a house instead. Seems odd.

I mean so anti others choosing private school for their kids but fine with them buying a house for them instead. Surely one buys just as much privilege as the other.

It does, it's just 1 form is acceptable and the other isn't. For that poster + Labour in general

OP, it all sounds quite convoluted thinking to me. Firstly, if your DH feels insecure because of what he perceives to be the achievements / careers of other parents, then he doesn't need to have anything to do with them. He needs to get out of his own way on this. Lose the chip on his shoulder.

If you are aiming at top boarding schools for your son, this won't make it easier for him to get into top unis (if he's even academically capable of this, which you don't know yet). If anything these days, attending Eton etc makes it harder to get into Oxbridge etc.

What area are you in? This all sounds unnecessarily dramatic, ti be honest, and a bit odd.

jesus, how much DOES private school cost these days if saving in fees = an entire house???
anyway, OPs issue isn’t the money, seems they have enough to ship child off to boarding school even, it’s the DH that’s the stumbling block.

Well obviously that depends on what part of the country you're in doesn't it? Anyway, I was questioning the principle of what you and a PP were saying

If "top end" private prep from Reception and a full boarding school thereafter you could be looking at £180,000 for the prep and £300,000 for the last five years. Add in an expensive nursery and school trips and other incidentals and half a million isn't far off the mark.

And then at the other end some small day schools charge 6K per year which is less than state funding per pupil

The cheapest round here (SE) is about £15k/year but that's for shabby facilities and unimpressive academic outcomes

Anything decent and you are looking at £18k as a starting point

Just not true that "anything decent" costs 18K+. There are many, many small independent schools charging around 6K, they tend to be the faith ones eg Jewish/Quaker etc but they do exist. The one near us isn't a religious school.

It is in an incredibly diverse sector.

It depends where you are in the country

Of course it does however some of the cheapest are in London etc. This is just counteracting the narrative that everyone is paying 250K+ for independent schools.

£300k that’s an eye watering amount of money for most people, unbelievable. But if you’re forking out that then I would imagine those families can still help their kids in other ways too, not many normal folk affording that.

It costs £200k now to raise a child from 0-18. Every time someone has a child they are committing to that money.

so a person having 1 child and sending them private costs the family less than a family that has 3 children. I don’t think people realise this. So yes an eye watering amount of money but people don’t think of that when they have a child. So a lot of normal folk with more than 1 child, do indeed, afford that

It’s £30-40k per year around here. In an area where a three bedroom ex-council house costs over a million, and a bog-standard Victorian terrace is £1.5m.

The idea that private schools have “people from all socioeconomic backgrounds” is simply not true, at least around here. Yes there are 10% of kids on full bursaries, but the rest are all very rich indeed (cue a load of people claiming they are “just getting by” on £300k).

And yes, I do know plenty of private school parents socially, some of them are my colleagues and their children play tennis/rugby with mine. They are very nice people but they are absolutely definitely very rich. Luckily the area also has very good state schools.

If you know of a private secondary school in London that costs £6k per year, I would be fascinated to see a link.

(A madrassa run out of somebody’s front room doesn’t count - I know those exist locally but I would view those as essentially homeschooling)

Dd3's school is £19k a year (nothing fancy) and ds's public school would be £30k a year (day boy). Luckily they both have/had full bursaries.

SiL went to a top private school and was also given a house!

Perhaps if I was rich rich rather than 1st generation top earner I’d be doing the same but I can’t imagine my children not working for what they have. Although they will be better off than DP and I were, just from the fact they’re leading a MC life in terms of household income rather than growing up in very low income households.

One of the most affordable schools in the UK is found in London. Westminster Choir School is a boys’ school with very reasonable fees, starting at just over £6,400 for a day place. Being accepted for as a chorister means boarding fees of just £3,600.

Average fees for private day schools are about £19,000 a year and £50,000 for boarding, but within those figures there is a huge range (from £5,580 (The Independent Grammar School: Durham) to £82,035 (boarding fees for overseas year 13 pupils at Brighton College)) with factors such as pupil age range, geography, standard of facilities, academic performance, and reputation all playing a part.

Obviously schools in London and SE generally cost more than those is the North. An independent school in Northern Ireland or the north of England could cost half of what you’d pay for the leading private schools in London and the home counties. Annual fees for The Manchester Grammar School, a leading academic boys school, are £18,666, comparing favourably with London’s St Paul’s School which charges £35,847 for day pupils.

Yes I look at my highly qualification dripping, musician, athlete, state school kids and think how miserable and non. rounded they are🙄

But you are obviously the beneficiary of an ‘excellent state school’, rare as hens teeth here in Scotland, and the reason why I have to educate one of my children (with SEN) in private school. How I wish I was as fortunate as you!