Looking after grandchild

[icravestardamage]

My son and his girlfriend are due to have their first baby soon.
When she goes back to work she has asked if I will have baby one day a week, on my day off which I am thrilled to do.
I live 30 minutes from them and have just been told by her that I am to go through to where they live and look after baby there as she does not want baby more than 10 minutes away from her work.
Also reading between the lines she doesn’t trust me to drive with baby because I once had an accident with my son in the car when he was little, he was not hurt I just ran into the back of someone.
I was hoping that I could meet her at her work, which is just over half way for me and take baby back to my house.
I understand she is being protective of her first baby - we've all been there but AIBU to think that on my only day off I should not be spending the whole day where they live and I should be able to take my grandchild back mine or for trips out.

You laugh but that’s genuinely how I feel about all 3 sets of our grandparents.

As a mum to 3 primary aged kids/a toddler, I wouldn’t expect a grandparent to have my child all day at my house. If I’m getting free childcare, I expect to be dropping the child off myself (me or partner) at their home, with a bag of anything they need for the day. Days spent with a baby can be isolating and drag. You’re going to be doing it on your day off, which is even more of a sacrifice.

I think you’re being very generous OP. But you shouldn’t agree just to keep in your DIL’s good books. And the references to a car accident 20 years ago are a bit daft on her part.

I have looked after each of my grandchildren from around the age of 1 until they started school - 1 day a week. It is far far easier for me to look after them in my own home rather than in their home. I have everything a baby needs - cot, spare clothes, toys etc, the only thing they’ve needed to bring was a pram and baby milk.
OP, I would politely suggest to your DIL that you don’t feel comfortable spending the day in her house so would prefer to have your grandchild in your own home. If she doesn’t like that, then she’ll have to pay for an extra day at nursery!

My current grandchild sleeps for 2 hours during the day - plenty of time to do lots of jobs at home! My older grandchildren at 3 and 4 years didn’t need my undivided attention 24/7 and would also help me with jobs like pegging out washing, hoovering up, making lunch etc. the sorts of things parents have to do whilst simultaneously looking after their own children.

In which case you wouldn’t want them to look after their kids anywhere would you? I’m amazed you and your DH survived childhood!

"As the mum of a toddler" 😂😂😂

My, what a veteran you are to this parenting lark.

This. She is over sensitive now, build her trust and when the baby is a couple of months older it will be easier to have that conversation.

I think your daughter in law is very nervous due to this being her first baby and her first time going back to work and leaving baby with other people. I'd ride it out for now, do as she asks until she settles into it all, and I bet six or twelve months down the line she'll relax and you can do things a bit more on your terms.

She's likely very anxious about going back to work and is just trying to control all of the elements that she can at this point. I wouldn't rock the boat when she's likely to be feeling emotional, I expect you'll all find things a lot easier further down the line xx

Surely this would be affected by living arrangements & circumstances. If my mum would only look after my kid at hers and insisted we drop her off we'd be stuffed. She lives 35 mins drive or 1 hr train away in the wrong direction. I go to work 90 mins away by train & my husband works close to our house but doesn't drive. It would also mean i'd need to get my baby up at 5am to get her ready to go.

I wouldn’t want them looking after my children. In the past and their own children sure before they have aged 35 years. Now?! No. It’s the brain aging thing - slow reactions, bad decisions, unsafe, not considerate, not healthy etc

Do you have a cot etc at your house? Surely when they are little and need a lot of stuff far easier at their house.

For those saying how boring only being able to go out for walks with a pram, that’s what I did for my own DC on a number of days. We didn’t go in the car every day. Maybe it depends where you live.

I wouldn’t want to be stuck all day in someone else’s house on my only day off as much as I love my grandkids. It’s easy enough to get all the stuff that they need at your place. But I’d probably oblige for a few months and once you have all settled in and things are running smoothly and you still feel you want to do it at your place then I would mention it .

The baby isn't even born yet!!!

I'm sure the Op will be more than capable of getting a cot / travel cot for her DGC when the time comes.

Lots of DGPs end up acquiring baby stuff just for kids visiting anyway.

Op already decided to do what they want, but it’s such a load of nonsense PP are spouting about the baby being in their own home.

A baby doesn’t need a load of stuff - like one PP mentioned a white noise machine!

Making an environment suitable is also easy enough, especially when the baby is going to be there regularly.

I personally think it’s a huge sacrifice for OP to give up her one day off every week, however they are a relatively young couple and hopefully will value her generosity and extra support.

She’ll likely relax once baby is here, first time mum nerves and all that. My mil has my 2 year old one day a week for me, fair enough she lives round the corner but I’d much rather it was at her house than at mine! She made sure to buy plenty of toys, baby gates etc so that her house is totally child friendly. Maybe when mum is still on maternity leave you could show that you’re serious about it by making sure you’re all kitted out with everything you’d need?

This is hilarious and the most condescending thing I’ve read on here, the “teaching your grandmother to suck eggs” term couldn’t have been more appropriate. Who exactly do you think gave birth, and then raised to adulthood the new parents of today?

Mum of toddler, thanks for the advice about not giving a toddler a China plate (because none of us have ever seen a baby chuck a plate or cup from a high chair). Your words of wisdom to women who have probably raised more children than you will be duly noted.

I understand you are talking about your family, but not all grandparents of young children are as elderly as these people seem to be, and are capable of looking after children.

And some people never smacked in previous decades either.

It is not the norm that the majority of grandparents are unable to keep themselves or grandchildren safe. A lot of grandparents are still working and more than capable of reacting, making decisions, are generally more considerate than young people and are healthy enough to get through a working day and look after a grandchild or even more than one of their day off.

Are you trying to say Ops passed it at 50, with probably a good 16 or 17 years before she gets her state pension?

I doubt its 35 years since she had her son, that would make her 15 when she had him. Although think I'd trust her more as a Granny at 50 than a wean herself at 15.

Remember they'll be Mums her age still with kids in primary school.

Sorry but why should an experienced mum who raised the man she chose to get pregnant with have to prove herself to a youngster who is fishing for problems? She is not on probation. Either she wants the childcare or she doesn't.

It's the easiest thing in the world to prepare for looking after ones grandchild, and at the very small baby stage, there isn't really much needed. But it does grow.

Facebook local selling sites are a boon. By the time I was doing irregular childcare, I'd gained a travel cot, play mat, muslins, a pram and everything else needed. Of course I bought a car seat new.

As DGD grew, I continued to accumulate things like stair gates, cupboard locks, bamboo plates and spoons etc. And of course lots of books and toys.

And heh, re another post, I do actually have a white noise machine. It also plays nice sounds. It was prescribed for my mild tinnitus, but my eldest DGD loves to have it on at bedtime (she doesn't have one at home)

But yes, I've been a parent. We grandparents do know this stuff, even if some things have changed.

I just think it's fine when they're a little baby and don't move etc but toddlers are into everything and GPs are past the stage of keeping their houses "child-proofed". My dd is 16 and when friends visit with toddlers I forget that I have to move all the candles, not light the fire, put cleaning products etc out of sight etc etc I'd much rather go to their own safe childproofed home!
We never had a stairgate as dd learnt to use stairs and slide back down them. Once the baby/toddler years have passed you get your house back to normal and forget you have to "move everything out of reach" etc etc
You're better off at their house, less faff for you and less mess and disruption. Take a book for when they're napping etc

Heyyyy?? I’ll look after my two granddaughters quite often and I’m quite capable of child proofing my house . It’s not that hard to put all your ornaments and breakables away. And all your cleaning products. Not all grandmothers are incapable of common sense.

I'm running out of things to say in response to posts like this.

It's ridiculous that so many people think that grandparents, many having had or are still holding professional jobs, are incapable of stopping to think about the practicalities of looking after their grandchild in their own home.

If anything, I'm more safety conscious than my DD, as it feels such a big responsibility to keep a child safe who is not my own.

GPs are past the stage of keeping their houses "child-proofed".
FFS