Family member asking for favour after they royally f***** me over

[gunnermartin]

I’ll keep it brief but my parents did something monumental after years of bad behaviour's that caused me to cut complete contact with them.

In turn because my parents have money my sibling decided to side with them as they are funded for a lot of things by my parents. Sibling hasn’t spoken to me for two years since despite me reaching out to say I’d like to explain and maintain a relationship, to the point my family didn’t get invited to siblings wedding or even told it was happening.

Sibling has now reached out to ask for all my details (address which no one has, job role, where I work etc) regarding being background checked for a job.

AIBU to say no, put it all down as unknown?

I'd have a hard time not telling them to get fucked.

Just ignore it rather than putting it as unknown.

Apart from anything else, ie a distinct lack of loyalty towards you, giving her this information may make you vulnerable in some way. You will lose your safety from her and your parents.

I wouldn't give it no. She has a cheek.

Nah fuck that.

I'd do approx zero to assist

She made her bed…

As they don’t know that information they will have to put unknown. I wouldn’t worry ignore unless you want a relationship with them but they clearly only want what they need from you. So I wouldn’t help at all

I would be very suspicious why they needed such specific details about you to get job checked themselves. At the very least ask they why they needed such specific those details about you because her prospective employers won’t be asking for them.

Crap typing but you get the gist 😂

They're only in touch because they want something. Ignore.

Perhaps the job is with MI5 or similar, in which case thorough background checks would be required.

If you want to do it. Do it. If you don't don't. Bear in mind though if you don't you will be maybe reinforcing what narrative the parents have told them about you.

It's entirely up to you. If you did want a relationship with them then you do have a bargaining chip. 'Let's meet to discuss before I give you this info..' But personally I'd not give them the info. You have the power,,,

I would ignore and probably block them too.
They will just have to leave it as unknown.

Higher level security vetting requires this level of detail.

Tell them to get to the other side of fuck off and keep going.

No contact goes both ways.

No response is the right response. They sure are fishing for a lot of your personal and business info.

I don’t wish to speak to any of them again after what happened x

Just ignore like she has ignored you.

Well then - that's your answer - surely?? Do you think she would help you out. It's entirely up to you.

Nope. Ignore

Unless it’s Mi5 I would be suspicious.
I don’t think you should reply at all, don’t even open a dialogue, it will not be good for you and they are only in touch because they want something.

It is. I just get angry still and wanted to hear from people who don’t have any emotion towards it that I’m perfectly within my rights to ignore x

Some Civil Service jobs / jobs demanding the Official Secrets Act / involving very sensitive info wrt security / military and other things DO do intrusive checks on family members, and seek info from family members.

I dunno: it seems spiteful and tit for tat.

Do you ever want any more contact with your parents or sibling or extended family?

Feuds start when someone gets tribal and cuts contact on behalf of someone else. Your issue was originally with your parents. It is your siblings choice as to whether they maintained contact with your parents.

I would probably do it but say you feel hurt and disappointed that the only contact you have had is because they need something from you

Fuck them. You owe them nothing.

I'd say no. I'd even go one step further and if you're contacted by anyone, claim not to know them. But I'm a petty cunt.

Is it Government Developed Vetting, by any chance?