Family member asking for favour after they royally f***** me over

[gunnermartin]

I’ll keep it brief but my parents did something monumental after years of bad behaviour's that caused me to cut complete contact with them.

In turn because my parents have money my sibling decided to side with them as they are funded for a lot of things by my parents. Sibling hasn’t spoken to me for two years since despite me reaching out to say I’d like to explain and maintain a relationship, to the point my family didn’t get invited to siblings wedding or even told it was happening.

Sibling has now reached out to ask for all my details (address which no one has, job role, where I work etc) regarding being background checked for a job.

AIBU to say no, put it all down as unknown?

One of my friends had to give siblings’ details when applying to be a PCSO.

One of her siblings is NC, so she couldn’t tell them where to find her; another has a minor past conviction. She still passed the vetting process, so it’s clearly not a deal breaker.

because for some vetting it is very very thorough. Very thorough. But it is how i got back in contact with some of my cousins, way back when, so all good for me.

For OP; just ignore. She won't fail the vetting because of one lot of "unknown" since as pp pointed out presumably she knows your name and dob.

So she’s reached out for information that would only benefit her. She will get what she needs then go back to blanking you. Don’t give her the satisfaction x

I know that the Police do ask for this information as part of their vetting process for all job applications.

Agree, match energy OP. I learned this on MN and it has been a life saver.

Any job needing that info can find it, it's just easier to check it. You don't owe them your private information to use as they please.

I'd send a laugh emoji then block.

I'd ignore it or just say no. Yanbu OP. I'd do nothing for her even if it means she doesn't get the job.

Hahahaha. Yeah. Wouldn’t be happening. I’d have a good laugh and forget about it.

Civilian jobs with the armed forces do too. In this case the sibling can sod off!

Certain levels of clearance for Government work need this level of information.

Absolutely ignore it. Ignore her and ignore them all. Return any written communication with ‘Not known at this address’.

A family member does a job that requires a high level of security and all our information had to be provided do it does happen.

I'd say that you will give the information to the company directly if it's required.

And then tell them to fuck off. If it's that important or M15 etc they will vet you without your sibling's input. I say this as someone who was vetted many years ago due to a flat mate's job.

I would just ignore them and continue my life

It’s very common for armed forces, police etc., not just MI5 as a lot of other posters have said

Fuck em. You don’t owe them anything

I'd reply, and say I'd be delighted to give any information about their character to a potential employer

They can just out unknown and the employer will do the checks and find the information themselves.

When it happened here they simply came back and asked when the last contact was and done their own searches.

Unless it’s Mi5 I would be suspicious

Likely not suspicious in government. My DH often does work for government departments and needs a separate security clearance for each one (they waste taxpayers money by not having a centralised system). Nothing like MI5 stuff either. For some, just I’ve had to be interviewed, for others even MY parents had to be interviewed back when alive. I think the weirdest case was when every man, cat and dog associated with him had to be interviewed was for security clearance when they were doing work to support the agricultural ministry. Even odder, DH claims that in any of this work he has ever done requiring these clearances, he’s never ever seen any information whatsoever, he just does work on IT for infrastructure and this never involves receiving any documentation that may have anything vaguely related to whatever the department does let alone any sensitive information.

Just forward the message to 7726.

Just ignore him. You don't owe him anything, just like he clearly doesn't owe you anything!

If it helps, she can simply put down that your whereabouts are unknown due to family estrangement. DH had to do this and still got his security clearance for government sites, MoD etc

You won't ruin anything for her by not responding so don;t let that little niggle of guilt get to you! Stay safe!

I can imagine why you’d want to vet IT contractors very carefully!

Might be a way of building bridges