Curfew for live-in nanny?

[NotableI]

A is a live in nanny, she works several evenings for the family but also has several nights off a week. On her nights off, she often goes out to dinner or to the pub with friends, and might not get back home til 10 or 11pm.

B is A’s employer. She finds A arriving back late inappropriate and disruptive given there are small children in the house, as it risks waking them up, and disturbs the parents who have to get up early. She’s asked A to ensure she’s home by dinner time.

In A’s view, her nights off should hers to do with as she pleases, as they are her only opportunities to see her friends, and she shouldn’t be held to a curfew when she’s not working, or being paid by B.

In B’s view, A is treating the house like a young adult house share and not adjusting in line with living in a family home. She still has the right to set rules about living in her home, even if they’re not within the scope of the job.

Who IBU?

(I am neither A nor B and this isn’t something that’s happening in my own life, but inspired by a recent discussion)

She shouldn't be waking everyone as she comes home.

B is being unreasonable, assuming A is not making loads of noise when she gets home, 11pm is completely reasonable.

as it risks waking them up, and disturbs the parents who have to get up early.

Is this caused by her coming home really loudly, or is one of the parents really noise-sensitive, or the house not conducive to coming home quietly?

Although we've got really creaky stairs and upstairs floorboards and that means my DC sleep through them being stood on, so... you'd expect these DC would be similar, they'd be used to that noise by now.

A should be able to go out for her evenings off and return without disturbing the house.

Just ask her to come in quietly. But she's a nanny not a bloody slave. Idvsoon be leavingbygat job with such control freak employers

A can do what she wants on her nights off.

So sticking to actual facts - has she ACTUALLY woken anyone up? Risking waking them up and actually doing it are not the same.

10 or 11 is a completely reasonable time to get home. She should be quiet however she's not their prisoner and they cannot insist she's home for dinner time! Thats utterly ridiculous

This

B is completely out of order. If I were A I’d be looking for another job.

11pm is a reasonable time for a nanny to return home - presumably she has to be up for the children so needs to have at least six hours sleep.

As long as she's not making a racket and is fit for work the following morning.

A is being selfish if she wakes up the house. B can't insist a is back by a certain time. Abit of both is what I'm saying. If a isn't waking anyone b is being unreasonable

If she's falling around drunk there's no appropriate time. 10 or 11 is reasonable if she comes in quietly. Wanting her in by dinner time is batshit.

The nanny should be able to use her nights off and free time to do as she wishes. As long as she isn’t coming back drunk as a skunk, slamming doors and blaring music there is no issue.

She is not a child nor is she a prisoner, she has the right to a life outside of her work.

A should be able to do whatever she likes on her nights off. Going to the pub till 10 or 11pm is perfectly normal and compatible with family life. Do the parents never go out for an evening till 10 or 11pm when A is babysitting?

If A is actually waking people up because she is being very loud when she comes in, it would be reasonable for B to ask her to make an effort to be quiet if she comes in after (say) 9pm. But she still can't ask her not to go out at all.

As long as A doesn't sing 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' loudly I think she should be able to come in late (but before midnight).

‘ Risks waking them up’ is very different to actually waking them up so on that basis I’d say totally unreasonable. If however she’s coming in clattering around & working the house up a curfew may be necessary but surely by their bedtime not dinner time! I have young adults living at home who can both get home and into bed without waking DH or younger dc even after a few drinks. Me not so much but I tend to stay half awake until they’re in.

Blimey if she goes to a gig or similar near where I live she wouldn't be home until nearer 23:45/ midnight!!

As long as she isn't coming in singing her lungs out and falling down thestairs pissed she should not have a curfew.
If someone started telling me what time I had to be in I'd be leaving then high and dry and finding another job ASAP.

If she stumbles in off her nut and is noisy then that's out of order ... otherwise it's completely up to her what she does in her spare time. They sound a nightmare to work for. In by dinner time 😂

A would be telling B to stick her job where the sun doesn’t shine if I were A.

B sounds insane.

10 or 11 isn’t late

Assuming B isnt clattering around A is being unreasonable. B also may well vote with her feet leaving A up shit creek.

If B is a decent nanny A would be an idiot to jeopardise the relationship over 10-11.... if it was 2am or 4am maybe they have a point
But 10/11 is when most adults go to bed anyway.

B should get earplugs or prepare to find a new nanny.

The employers are controlling nutters.

B needs to realise that it's not the nineteenth century any more.

B is being completely unreasonable. If she is going to hire a live in nanny then they have to accept that the nanny will have a life away from the house and the kids. She either offers a room/part of the house that’s away from the rest of living quarters or accepts that the nanny can come and go as she pleases. Or gets a nanny that just comes to the house as when required.

A is entitled to do what she wants with her time off. Even if that meant staying out all night as long as she’s there and fit for work the next day.

A should or will likely leave the post as it’s totally unfair for them to have to live their life as dictated by an employer