Curfew for live-in nanny?

[NotableI]

A is a live in nanny, she works several evenings for the family but also has several nights off a week. On her nights off, she often goes out to dinner or to the pub with friends, and might not get back home til 10 or 11pm.

B is A’s employer. She finds A arriving back late inappropriate and disruptive given there are small children in the house, as it risks waking them up, and disturbs the parents who have to get up early. She’s asked A to ensure she’s home by dinner time.

In A’s view, her nights off should hers to do with as she pleases, as they are her only opportunities to see her friends, and she shouldn’t be held to a curfew when she’s not working, or being paid by B.

In B’s view, A is treating the house like a young adult house share and not adjusting in line with living in a family home. She still has the right to set rules about living in her home, even if they’re not within the scope of the job.

Who IBU?

(I am neither A nor B and this isn’t something that’s happening in my own life, but inspired by a recent discussion)

And B will need to be the one to stand before an Employment Tribunal and explain themselves if this was attempted to be enforced.

B is wildly controlling and unlikely to keep a slave, er, nanny for very long.

B is totally unreasonable

B is being ridiculous providing the nanny is being quiet when she comes in.

Expecting a single adult to be in by dinner time each evening is utterly unreasonable. However if A coming in is actually waking the household, that can’t continue. If anyone coming in at that time would disturb the household, B needs to give up on providing accommodation or she’ll have to pay the nanny for the hours where she is dictating where the nanny can be (and employ them on that basis).

If B could cope with someone who was more careful than A about coming in, then she needs to fire A (assuming she’s followed a fair process trying to get her to be quieter) and hire someone who can do the job without waking the household.

A should be hanging in her notice pronto and let the agency if she was hired through one know why. Completely unreasonable to give a curfew, it would also be unreasonable to give a grown up child a curfew too - in by dinner time, ridiculous!

B is unreasonable if you have a live in nanny they are entitled to their own life. If not employ a live out nanny.

The nanny is entitled to do as she pleases but she should be careful not to wake anyone up.

Coming home at 11pm is a complete non issue. B needs to remember that they have a live in Nanny, not a slave.
If I were A, I'd be looking for a new job...

A is right.

It's a contract of employment for a childcare professional, not one for indentured labour.

If she wants to go out anywhere and stay out all night, returning in time for her shift to start, she's perfectly entitled to do so, much less be kept to a stricter curfew time than most 14 year olds.

They do know that they've employed an adult childcare professional in 2025, not bought themselves a 12 year old girl from the workhouse, don't they?

Sorry I don't understand.
Surely B when she offered the job had the right to stipulate conditions of employment. It's her house and she should have the right to say when non family members can come into it.
I accept that if this wasn't made clear when she offered the job there's not a lot she can do about it afterwards
Personally I would hate to have a stranger living in my home and would never have employed a live in Nanny anyway. It's forfeiting all privacy in your own home. I would hate to have strangers letting themselves into the family home after the family were in bed.

Having actually worked as a live-in nanny...

Even back in the mid-80s it was expected that a nanny might not get back until 11pm.

I had to come in quietly, and I wasn't allowed to bring my then boyfriend into the house (though had the relationship lasted long enough for my employers to meet him, that might have changed).

B is absolutely bonkers. She will find it hard to keep a nanny (or even employ one if the terms are made clear at interview), unless the agency can rustle up a time-traveller from 1900 or before.

If B thinks this is reasonable then she is probably sympathetic to keeping your employee’s passport in a safe and not paying well. She wants a skivvy.

As long as the nanny doesn't wake anyone up, her nights off are hers. B is being unreasonable. A nanny is not an au pair, expected to become/be treated like part of the family.

A needs to be quieter but B is unreasonable.

You can't give an adult a curfew; utterly ridiculous.

all the more reason to turn voting on 😂

B is being overly controlling and very unreasonable. When A is not at work, she should be able to come and go as she pleases, the only proviso being that she is quiet on return and up in time to work the next day.

You cannot give a grown adult a curfew. Don't be so ridiculous!

Shes a nanny - not a slave! Good god if I were A I would find a new job.

Gosh, this is crazy. A should look for a new position immediately.

If your home isn’t big enough for the nanny to come and go without disturbing you, you shouldn’t be employing a live in. A curfew is totally unacceptable.

10/11pm is perfectly reasonable.My husband often comes home at that time from football games and his alarm is set for 4am.

You cant expect the Nanny to be home from dinner time onwards when she isnt bring paid.

A needs to come in quietly and B needs to make any adjustments to the house which means that this is difficult, eg doors that have to be banged shut. Of course they can't expect their nanny to stay in every night, it's ridiculous. Do they also expect her not to come downstairs after the children are in bed, or use the bathroom?