Curfew for live-in nanny?

[NotableI]

A is a live in nanny, she works several evenings for the family but also has several nights off a week. On her nights off, she often goes out to dinner or to the pub with friends, and might not get back home til 10 or 11pm.

B is A’s employer. She finds A arriving back late inappropriate and disruptive given there are small children in the house, as it risks waking them up, and disturbs the parents who have to get up early. She’s asked A to ensure she’s home by dinner time.

In A’s view, her nights off should hers to do with as she pleases, as they are her only opportunities to see her friends, and she shouldn’t be held to a curfew when she’s not working, or being paid by B.

In B’s view, A is treating the house like a young adult house share and not adjusting in line with living in a family home. She still has the right to set rules about living in her home, even if they’re not within the scope of the job.

Who IBU?

(I am neither A nor B and this isn’t something that’s happening in my own life, but inspired by a recent discussion)

It is happening to someone but not someone I know personally, I was just told about it, and we continued discussing hypotheticals from there.

The only thing that would give B a right to be involved would be if A was making herself less able to work the next day, eg getting very drunk and/ or staying out late.

We once had an au pair who wanted to work night shifts as well as taking care of the kids morning and afternoon (around the school day) and we had to say that wasn’t on.

Has A actually woken the children?

A should move on to a more relaxed household.

Of course it's not reasonable to impose a curfew on an adult you employ for a set number of hours.

If A is not actually waking anyone up then B is just on an insane power trip.

If A is actually waking people up then she needs to be as quiet as possible when she comes in, and if even that disturbs the family, well then their home just isn't suitable for a live in nanny and they need to find the budget for a live out nanny.

Is A really a nanny or an au pair?

Because why on earth is A only getting a couple of nights off a week?

I’m assuming she’s working during the day.

If she’s waking everyone up when she comes home it sounds like your home is rather small and perhaps you can’t really afford to pay a nanny properly.

FFS. Don’t you have anything better to do?

We had live-in nannies for over 10 years. There is no way I would have ever considered dictating to them what time they could come and go. This was their home and they were welcome to treat it as such. I dictated their working hours only, outside that it was none of my business.

nanny should be allowed to go out on her nights off. Even til 2am as long as she comes in as quietly as possible

B is totally unreasonable. Does B also prevent their partner (if there is one) from being out past dinner time? Or does B never go out past dinner time. A is not acting like a person in a house share but a person living an ordinary life, with a family.
B has no control over what A does in her time off.

B is being unreasonable. It is a job and not slavery. But A must be mindful of coming in quietly and not disturbing others in the house.

So A has to sit around a house and not be allowed out after around 6pm on her day off?? Will you expect her to ask permission if she wants to quickly nip out to the shops or make tell her friends she's not allowed to come out and play tonight......
Read that back to yourself OP and hear how utterly ridiculous you sound!

If she's being overly noisy when coming home late then yes, have a word as out of respect, she should be making a concerted effort to be quiet. TBH, I dont think it'll be a problem for you anymore OP as I'd be surprised if she's not left by Monday.....

A is entitled to get home whenever she likes given it’s her free time to use as she pleases. 10-11 seems very tame to me. B should count herself lucky and soundproof her room. If she can’t accommodate a low level of noise when her nanny arrives home late she potentially shouldn’t have live-in staff.

People are weird about Nannies. Because they are paying, they are often astounded to find that it is possible for a nanny to have a private life - or employment rights.

Legally employers are allowed to have a code of conduct for live in employees, such as ensuring that their conduct outside their working hours does not harm the business.

If a childminder or nursery was refusing to let a child nap appropriately for their age and stage, this would probably be consider bad practice and at an extreme might get them investigated by Ofsted. While you are right that, B cannot simply dictate how A spends all her free time, and does have to ensure that A has adequate time off, I would say that waking up the children in her care at stupid o'clock is certainly harming her employers and their business, and expecting her not to do this is very reasonable.

B is being unreasonable unless A is returning drunk and loud and stumbling. I bet the kids dont notice only B is disturbed. Especially as its 11pm not 3am. Appreciate its a family home but 3 adults live in it. A is an adult not Bs teen. And if you choose to have a live-in nanny you blur lines between employer and employee and housemates

Obviously if A is loud, inconsiderate, banging about thats U.

But if I was A I might ask if I wanted to maybe work some where that wasnt live in.

Adults don't get curfews imo

On any of the evenings that she is working is she baby sitting to allow the parents to go out? Do they come home later than dinner time and does that disrupt the small children? Parents sound very unreasonable!

A should be able to come and go as she pleases as long as she is respectful of house rules which should be in the contract !
B cannot set a curfew this is an employee not her prisoner !

B is being totally unreasonable. A can surely be quiet when she comes in.

No, the time of curfew shouldn’t make a difference. An employer has no right to impose a curfew an an employee. B doesn’t own the nanny and cannot dictate what she does in her free time. As long as A is considerate when she gets home and performs her job at expected standard, she can do as she pleases in her free time.

The employer shouldn't insist that the nanny can't go out in the evening which is what it amounts to if they are saying she has to to in by teatime. What is the point of free time if they can't spend it any way they like?
The nanny shouldn't be noisy when she comes in but her free time is her free time.

B is insane. Is B and her partner home everyday by dinner time? I know in my house I sometimes am not and my partner sometimes is not but we just come in quietly and don’t wake the child - easy!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

A should be able to be out till 11 (or later). It’s a perfectly reasonable time to get in. She should make sure she doesn’t make excessive noise though

Is she also not allowed to have gentlemen followers ? B is an idiot to risk a decent nanny over that.