To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

[Editormedi]

Am I being silly or is this worrying?

So at drop off this morning I saw something that really unsettled me. There’s a little boy in dd’s class (year 1) and when his parents brought him in he completely lost it. I mean properly lashing out. He was kicking his dad hard in the shins, screaming at his mum to “shut up” over and over, trying to smack her face. It went on for a good few minutes and everyone in the playground was watching. The parents looked mortified but also a bit helpless, like this wasn’t the first time.

I know kids can have meltdowns and off days, I’m not judging that. But I have to admit it really worried me. If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc? Dd is quite quiet and gentle and I don’t want her to end up on the receiving end.

Part of me thinks I should just leave it, it’s none of my business. Another part of me feels like I should say something to the teacher, or at least try to make sure dd keeps her distance. But I don’t want to be unfair on a 6 year old either, maybe he has SEN or something going on at home.

I just can’t shake the image of him hitting out and the thought of him doing the same to my dd makes me feel protective.

AIBU? Should I just ignore and stop overthinking, or would you mention it to the teacher? Handhold please. Flame me if I’m being PFB/OTT, but I came away really unsettled.

sen kids parents are their safe place.

I taught for before changing careers, have worked in and around SENd for over a decade, and have my “severe” child and thinking about it…

I would also have significant questions if a “severe SENd” child was academically “okay.”

If they have severe learning difficulties, they’re absolutely not academically coping.

If they have severe behavioural needs, they’re also likely not academically coping because it would affect their engagement, if “severe.” I’ve never known a child destroy a classroom and simultaneously learn algebra.

Unless you mean severe physical needs. In which case that’s not what OP is talking about.

I was thinking the same actually.

My son would never be accepted into a special school but that's because he isn't autistic and also doesn't have any learning difficulties or behavioral needs. He does have severe physical needs including the fact that he's incontinent and needs changing multiple times a day at his mainstream school, that's usually when some people on here tell me he belongs in a special school. Imagine the LA's response if we tried to get him into a special school simply because he's incontinent? 😂

I think you might find that people don't home school because they have jobs and can't afford to be at home? Also don't you train for years to do the job?

Yeah I’ve seen those nonsense comments towards you before - if he needs specialist staff then why isn’t he in a specialist school…. Because that’s not how that works 😂

I’m going to send ours to school tomorrow, because I cba looking after him and I’d like him to frighten some more grown adults. I’ve probably spent enough time locking him in a cupboard for one week.

Honestly we could start SENd bingo at this point.

My son is likely to be high functioning autistic. I won't be home educating because I won't be any good at it! I am sure you can also sympathise if parents do see school as a respite from their SEN kids.

and then you get complaints that your child costs too much when they do get specialist staff. He has 2:1 due to his physical needs and his EHCP certainly isn't cheap but that's simply the price it is to ensure his needs are met at school because he has just as much right to an education as the next child in his class who isn't physically disabled.

Definitely SEND Bingo for sure! 😂

Surprised the amount of people saying "you don't know what's going on at home." In my experience a child having a tantrum because they don't want to go into school, hitting parents etc.. probably has a safe home and feels safe and secure enough to lash out at their parents (not saying this is acceptable behaviour.) And the school setting is the cause of issues and anxiety.
A school environment is often incompatible with SEN and I wish there was enough funding in place for all children to be supported properly. And that would benefit all neuro-typical children too. The problem is money, not schools being obligated to give everyone an education.
It's taken my child years to even get an appointment for an assessment because he is well behaved with SEN and children like that just slip through the net unless you advocate for them. It's exhausting.

"These parents wouldn’t home school because it’s a respite for them."

So as a teacher you think anyone can do your job?

I can do her job. I did for years.

I still wouldn’t, because it’s not currently my job to educate my son, and is the job of the education system.

If we just take our kids out of care, education or social settings that are supposed to meet their needs, we remove any responsibility for those services to meet their needs.

It's taken my child years to even get an appointment for an assessment because he is well behaved with SEN and children like that just slip through the net unless you advocate for them. It's exhausting.

This.

Then you come on here and get told you've failed your kids if you can't afford the private route then next breath there too much diagnosis around.

When we have put the academic support at home you get called pushy parent or told your ruining their childhood making them do extra work - or your masking their issue stopping it being obvious - never actually helping your kids reach their potential and giving them tools to succeed - still remember school putting of DS reading and he made no progress entire school year- at home we got him there and shear joy and pride he had in doing so.

Also when they do hit periods where they can't cope and behavior deteritories or they stuggle to get in schools or class schools will blame everything but their environements and still often get in way of getting near appointments.

I think it sounds like this child doesn’t feel safe in school (and don’t panic that’s not to say school isn’t safe for your child), and quite possible has a form of ND - I very much doubt this is how they behave when parents leave - they are actually probably extremely obedient and masking all day which in turn causes a cycle to form leading back to this extreme fight or flight reaction as they probably find it so anxiety inducing and draining to be in school all day. Maybe you should contact the mum and ask if she’s ok.

I think it sounds like this child doesn’t feel safe in school (and don’t panic that’s not to say school isn’t safe for your child), and quite possible has a form of ND - I very much doubt this is how they behave when parents leave - they are actually probably extremely obedient and masking all day which in turn causes a cycle to form leading back to this extreme fight or flight reaction as they probably find it so anxiety inducing and draining to be in school all day. Maybe you should contact the mum and ask if she’s ok.

Even if this child doesn't have any diagnosed SEN, it's more likely that this child is experiencing emotionally based school avoidance and displaying behaviours in line with that, than a poorly behaved child who is a risk to others.

If anything, and it is EBSA, SEN or not, he's an increasing risk to himself.

Don't judge this child who is clearly struggling so negatively.

My daughter at the same age was just like this child. She was diagnosed with autism when she was 3 and has always hated going to nursery/school.
I would be covered in bruises and bites from trying to get her into school. As soon as she got through the classroom door, she was the sweetest, quietest, most polite child.
Please do not tell your child to stay away from this child unless he does actually lash out at her. On those days where she was really kicking off on the playground and I wanted the ground to swallow me up, the teachers were useless and just watched on, but the other children, even ones that she was not close to, were the ones that approached her and tried to calm her down, offered to walk in with her etc. The other children had seen this behaviour from her nearly every day since starting school, but they were not threatened, they instinctively knew she was struggling and just needed some support.
Instead of teaching your daughter to avoid this child, try and encourage her to understand that he may be struggling and just to be kind. And please don't judge the parents either, it's easy to think "I would never accept that behaviour from my child" when you have NT children. Dealing with meltdowns are a whole other ball game and no amount of parenting can completely prevent them (particularly when the education system is so unsuited to ND children, but equally the government is so rigid with attendance).

Came here to say exactly this!

Yes but may feel they’d do a better job or complain that school isn’t the right environment for them. I do agree with you.

As a parent who has been on the receiving end of multiple such outbursts from a child with ASN (SEN) I would have no problems with other parents making sure the school was aware of the issue. It might be the extra bit of ammunition I need in my "fight" with the school to get my child's needs properly acknowledged and met. Everyone has the right to a safe place for their child to learn, and that requires all of us getting involved when we see something concerning, but in constructive ways. Thank you.