To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

[Editormedi]

Am I being silly or is this worrying?

So at drop off this morning I saw something that really unsettled me. There’s a little boy in dd’s class (year 1) and when his parents brought him in he completely lost it. I mean properly lashing out. He was kicking his dad hard in the shins, screaming at his mum to “shut up” over and over, trying to smack her face. It went on for a good few minutes and everyone in the playground was watching. The parents looked mortified but also a bit helpless, like this wasn’t the first time.

I know kids can have meltdowns and off days, I’m not judging that. But I have to admit it really worried me. If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc? Dd is quite quiet and gentle and I don’t want her to end up on the receiving end.

Part of me thinks I should just leave it, it’s none of my business. Another part of me feels like I should say something to the teacher, or at least try to make sure dd keeps her distance. But I don’t want to be unfair on a 6 year old either, maybe he has SEN or something going on at home.

I just can’t shake the image of him hitting out and the thought of him doing the same to my dd makes me feel protective.

AIBU? Should I just ignore and stop overthinking, or would you mention it to the teacher? Handhold please. Flame me if I’m being PFB/OTT, but I came away really unsettled.

Definitely!

There's a little girl who goes absolutely crackers in DS' class every morning with mum/dad and teacher trying to get her in, she's actually a very sweet girl who developed a severe allergic reaction last year and her first 3 blue light episodes were at school. She poses absolutely no risk to other children, she's just terrified.

YABVU. He's not shown any hint of violence to children.

"There are (multiple) kids like this in every school. By the time she gets to state secondary school some of those tough-nut kids will be carrying knives, fighting, stealing etc."

A child having a meltdown age 5 doesn't tell you anything about what they will be like when they are older.

Haha! Qualification in what?

Child screaming ‘I don't want to go to school’ whilst kicking their parent… let’s think now.., I think that child doesn’t want to go to school.

Children show their worst to their parents because they know they are safe (or at least that’s what happens if they have good parents). My eldest used to hit me a lot. Youngest had epic meltdowns for years. School saw none of this.

What do you want to happen? The school excludes the child because they had one meltdown and you didn't like witnessing it? Should the kid be barred from full time mainstream education on your say so?

Or do you want to pull your child from the school and find one where every single five year old is totally emotionally mature and there will be a guarantee that no tantrums or meltdowns take place at any time?

My autistic son was capable of meltdowns like that when he was struggling with school. He’s quite a gentle soul really, He only ever hit out at another child once in P1 or 2 in retaliation for something (not excusing, just explaining).

The kid who made my daughter’s life hell was ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ in front of her parents and teachers. HTH.

What would you even say to the teacher?

‘Excuse me Miss that boy appears to have special needs can you keep him away from my child please’ 🤦🏽‍♀️

If you’re that worried ask your child about him, if she voices any concerns you can give her advice on how to manage challenging behaviours in the classroom.

You are predictably getting roasted on here, but of course you have concerns. It’s perfectly natural.

Without naming him, you could say you witnessed a meltdown and ask the teacher for reassurance on how they ensure all the kids are kept safe if it happens in the classroom.

You want to be able to reassure your daughter if she ever feels unsettled. I see nothing wrong with seeking that reassurance yourself first.

But why?! You don't know that. Maybe it's because they have additional needs, maybe it's because like DS' classmate something terrible happened to them at school, maybe they don't want mum going home alone because it's not safe, maybe he has a sibling with a serious illness in hospital. This are just circumstances I know about directly , where children are struggling going into school, but you'd have no idea that was going on for those families.

This sounds a lot like my son. He can be violent towards us during a meltdown. In that moment he has lost control but is filled with guilt and remorse afterwards. He has NEVER hurt anyone else.
He is a model student at school, beautifully behaved but ultimately that is a mask.

He is probably autistic.

Id be mortified if a parent reported that they didn’t want their child near mine. You don’t know the background. I could understand it if you’re child was experiencing problems as a result and expect intervention from a teacher but to request this in advance would be a step too far.

This sounds a lot like my son. He can be violent towards us during a meltdown. In that moment he has lost control but is filled with guilt and remorse afterwards. He has NEVER hurt anyone else.
He is a model student at school, beautifully behaved but ultimately that is a mask.

He is probably autistic.

Id be mortified if a parent reported that they didn’t want their child near mine. You don’t know the background. I could understand it if you’re child was experiencing problems as a result and expect intervention from a teacher but to request this in advance would be a step too far.

This sounds a lot like my son. He can be violent towards us during a meltdown. In that moment he has lost control but is filled with guilt and remorse afterwards. He has NEVER hurt anyone else.
He is a model student at school, beautifully behaved but ultimately that is a mask.

He is probably autistic.

Id be mortified if a parent reported that they didn’t want their child near mine. You don’t know the background. I could understand it if you’re child was experiencing problems as a result and expect intervention from a teacher but to request this in advance would be a step too far.

This sounds a lot like my son. He can be violent towards us during a meltdown. In that moment he has lost control but is filled with guilt and remorse afterwards. He has NEVER hurt anyone else.
He is a model student at school, beautifully behaved but ultimately that is a mask.

He is probably autistic.

Id be mortified if a parent reported that they didn’t want their child near mine. You don’t know the background. I could understand it if you’re child was experiencing problems as a result and expect intervention from a teacher but to request this in advance would be a step too far.

Kindly, OP, you're going to need to toughen up for your sake and your daughter's. She's unlikely to get through school with only kind things happening around her and being said to her.

My DD came home aged 10 telling me that a troublesome boy in her class had told her he would rather stick his head down the toilet than be her IT partner. I took it as a positive that she was laughing her head off as she recounted this.

It's only your business if your DC is hurt. Even then there is a strict limit on what the school will tell you about what caused the incident.

I'm a 1:1 TA (with different children over the week). If a I am working with hits a member of staff or other child, they are immediately removed from the situation (or the other children are moved if the child is in crisis and staff keep their distance if necessary). Could be totally different to how a parent might handle a meltdown/ crisis in the playground after school, so don't in any way assume a member of staff will allow a child to repeatedly hit someone because that's how the parents dealt with it. Staff have their methods, parents may have different ones, all equally valid in the eyes of whoever is providing care at the time.

Or they could be diagnosed with ASD and be at university, studying music like my son. He is a gentle young man who struggled in his early school years.

Where did I write child doesn’t want to go to school FOR NO REASON? Nowhere is where.

Obviously there’s a reason a child doesn’t want to go to school including cba, would rather game, SEN, bullying etc..

One of my children is like this. Hits, kicks, shouts, slaps, swears. He only does it to me, his dad and his sibling. It’s part of his autism - he struggles with self regulating his emotions. I’ve never known him to do it to anyone else. The teachers will be aware and will help in the classroom. Try not to worry.

'Handhold' 🤣🤣

Righto.

YABU, OTT and judgy. can’t believe you are making this all about you.

Its very probably a poor child struggling with SEN. Why you make the jump to think he’d hit your child is ridiculous.

also, your DD is going to spend her entire life having to mix with all types of people. You can’t control every person she comes into contact with

I would wait until there is something to speak to the parents about.
My ds was allocated a seat next to the very disruptive, rude bullying boy. I spoke to the teacher asking if he could move after the first day. She very calmly asked me if there had been any issues. When I said no she nodded and said if there was to come back and we can talk about it.
There were no issues at all that year.
I had been worrying for absolutely no reason.
There are enough things to worry about with kids and reasons to speak to the school without adding "what ifs"

If your PFB ends up with a SEN sibling will you be happy with all the other parents ostracising them?

Honestly OP it was a small child having a tantrum about going to school. You need to lighten up a bit or you are going to find your DD’s school years very stressful.

Same . Mine found music in his teenage years, thank goodness. I wish you well. I had some people judging me but I remember the parents who didn't judge and I try not to judge parents I see struggling in shops etc as you just don't know what's going on and so many services and supports are cut these days.