To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

[Editormedi]

Am I being silly or is this worrying?

So at drop off this morning I saw something that really unsettled me. There’s a little boy in dd’s class (year 1) and when his parents brought him in he completely lost it. I mean properly lashing out. He was kicking his dad hard in the shins, screaming at his mum to “shut up” over and over, trying to smack her face. It went on for a good few minutes and everyone in the playground was watching. The parents looked mortified but also a bit helpless, like this wasn’t the first time.

I know kids can have meltdowns and off days, I’m not judging that. But I have to admit it really worried me. If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc? Dd is quite quiet and gentle and I don’t want her to end up on the receiving end.

Part of me thinks I should just leave it, it’s none of my business. Another part of me feels like I should say something to the teacher, or at least try to make sure dd keeps her distance. But I don’t want to be unfair on a 6 year old either, maybe he has SEN or something going on at home.

I just can’t shake the image of him hitting out and the thought of him doing the same to my dd makes me feel protective.

AIBU? Should I just ignore and stop overthinking, or would you mention it to the teacher? Handhold please. Flame me if I’m being PFB/OTT, but I came away really unsettled.

I think that leaping ro the conclusion that this kid is a 'tough nut' who is going to turn into knife wielding maniac is bit strong!
The OP hasn't said that her dd has been impacted by this child & I think she would if she had been frightened in any way.
I think other explanations given are more likely - he's either totally overwhelmed by the new school or he is SEN & having a meltdown. The sort of language he was using & the parents' reaction suggest one of these options. When I was at school, a girl started in infants who was like this every day, more than once. She was SEN & her parents were trying to get her a place in a special school - my dad told me this when he caught me sniggering about it & gave me a bollocking. At school, she had no impact on us kids at all.
Real 'tough nut ' kids tend to have tough parents who would be shouting & swearing etc . There was one of those at my dd's school & the whole family was swiftly dealt with

Giving your 11 or 12 year old child a 500ml energy drink every morning is indefensible @Crapola25, not to mention illegal, and no amount of ‘empathy’ will undo the damage it will cause. If he’s wired or has trouble sleeping, bloody great cans of Monster are only going to exacerbate his issues.

It's in the first post that op was contemplating saying something to the teacher. I personally don't see how that conversation could go, besides the teacher saying that they couldn't legally discuss another child in detail.
Of course if anything happens to your child it then becomes your business and your right as a parent to discuss with the teacher.

The jump from reception to year 1 was a shock for my son. He isn't violent in any way and never has been, but he was anxious in the mornings going into year 1 as it was the start of proper school compared to reception and he didn't like it. Every other year since he's been fine. This little boy might be really struggling to settle and op is viewing him as a threat to her child when nothing has even happened.

I think it’s really important to remember that behaviour is communication. If a child is lashing out like that, it usually means they’re having a very difficult time, whether that’s SEN, anxiety, or something else going on. It doesn’t mean he’s a “bad” child or automatically going to hurt your DD.

Also, meltdowns at drop-off aren’t unusual you may not have seen it before, but I can guarantee this won’t be the first time a child in your school has struggled in that way.

On the flip side, sometimes the children who seem “nice and quiet” on the surface (the ones you’d never expect) can be the ones teasing or excluding others, and teachers don’t always see that either. So it’s not always the children who show their struggles openly that are the ones to worry about.

It’s natural to feel protective of your DD, but I think the fairest thing is to trust the teacher to manage the classroom dynamic and keep all the children safe. If your DD ever has an issue with another child, encourage her to tell you or her teacher straight away, but try not to assume the worst just because you witnessed a tough moment at drop-off.

I think you should talk to the teacher. Not because of your child, but to make her aware the boy could be in distress and she might be able to find out what's troubling him and help.

Every Sen child is different but the post was about a girl getting upset at way kid behaves towards parents( not necessarily Sen but maybe.) Explain that the child is upset and that she may be frightened and to discuss with you any fears in her classroom. All about learning process , about empathy for others that are struggling and coping herself in difficult situations. A Sen child being violent isn’t always something they can help in a bad meltdown so people shouldn’t say it is. Whole point is they are over stimulated and the brain can’t deal with it in some ( not all) neurodivergent kids. Even if you have your own Sen children it’s impossible to judge every other Sen child’s needs anyway.

I saw group brawling at a secondary school on premises when I walked through to a Sen meeting with my child. Children throwing each other against glass windows and on ground and all whilst a teacher looked on but didn’t intervene. Almost wanted to break it up myself! Not great but it goes on in schools.

My son was ‘that child’
him and I, and his younger siblings were subjected to years of hell at the hands of people like you

my son ‘that child’ is 24, has a first class degree, managed a busy bar, and is starting his masters

that child is autistic, I fought for him, i knew what he could be. Him and I were treated like shit, i had done nothing wrong. He used to hide, run away, attempt suicide because of people like you

so with help and support he has shone and succeeded through hell

hope your mediocre life and children do as well

i am proud of him. And I would be ashamed to be you

Shocking attitude! No free pass? These are children we are talking about.

All children have different needs and we work hard to meet individual needs so that all children can be safe, happy and included.

That is the priority - not treating children like criminals! I wonder what your attitude would be like if this was your child that had these needs? But no it isn’t is it!

Im relieved to see there are only a few minority on this thread with this ugly mindset. Have to ask yourself why.

I do wonder what you think should happen to all these children with SEN/emotional issues when they are removed?! Should we not be focusing on inclusion and finding a way to support and help all children rather than giving up on the children with difficulties.

calling children brats and having them ‘removed’ utterly disgusting and so very sad to see this type of attitude.

Rest assuredthe teachers will be only too aware if he is disruptive in class and will keep an eye on him.
The child may have a school phobia or maybe there are problems at home.
Certainly you have no right to ask the teachers to keep your dd away from him.
That will make you an awkward parent in the school's books.
Anyhow at that age boys tend to play with boys so am sure your daughter is safe!!!

Many others have already said you have no idea what the little boy home life is like, true and it really doesn’t matter when you are trying to work out how concerned you should to be for your dd. Talk to your child ask her if she ever interacts with him and then go from there, just by bringing up the little boys name if your dd has stories to tell she’ll start talking. My experience with children that young they want to tell all if you show interest. Good luck, don’t approach the teacher unless you truly believe your dd is in danger.

I work with SEN kids in a mainstream school. It does not sound like a one off and every possibility he has SEN needs. Keep an eye on things. If you find he is lashing out at school yoh must email the head teacher. If the headteacher receives a lot of complaints he or she will put other measures in place. Safe guarding is big on a schools priority list so mention it in your emails.

Hopefully it was just a one off!

Heres a super sensible answer with no sob stories or pearl clutching. 👍🏻

I'd tell the teacher and head teacher exactly what I'd seen.

You've no way of knowing what that child might be going through. Enduring or observing.

It could be a safeguarding issue - for him, rather than for your child.

He and his home life may need further investigation by people who know what they're doing.

Or it may be he is ND, needs more specialist help at school, .. and his parents need help.

Either way, flagging it up as concern for him would be a more positive step that what you're considering.

When my DS was in year 1 he struggled with the change from reception. I remember one walk home he was pushing me and hitting me and screaming. It was totally out of character for him to behave that way. He’s now 9 and the calmest kid you could meet. Iv never seen him meltdown like that since. But these are 5 year olds and sometimes everything gets overwhelming. He could also of course have SEN. It was only a snapshot. I personally wouldn’t do anything at all based on one experience. All kids are capable of meltdown and for some children school is a really overwhelming. I don’t know why everyone is assuming this is SEN, could just be a one off for a little boy who has had a bad morning

Rather Judgey post, your daughter is going to meet all kinds of personalities in her school years, so you just physically cannot shield her from every disruptive child!.
What you can do however, is get down off your judgey high horse and make sure you don’t bring up a judgey little entitled child.
The saying the apple doesn’t fall far the tree, starts to ring true, when the tree decides to drop its fruit!.

….all the time. Sounds like you want to protect her from life in general - good grief get a grip.

The first few posts have been quite unkind, I feel. You had the right response (IMO), which is that you don't know enough to interfere/ judge, in amongst others that were a kind of visceral reaction to what you saw, and it's fine for you to raise questions due to the latter.

As I say, you are right that you can't really ask the teachers to act based on a theoretical situation. I'm sure they and the LSAs are as worried that he can lash out, and will monitor carefully as a result. Tell your DD to deal with the lad kindly and courteously, so he's less likely to lose control, and to move away if he shows any sign of aggression.

To reassure you, I've known many children do this at drop off, then be fine all day.

Maybe he's autistic. You need the background to judge. Or better still, don't judge at all.

My DD1 used to lash out physically at me between the ages of 6 and 10. (She’s 16 now and hasn't done this for years though she still throws things occasionally and swears at us.) She’s never lashed out at school once, except when defending herself against a persistent bully in year 11.

So the fact that this boy lost it with his parents does NOT mean that he’ll automatically behave the same way in school. It very often doesn't work like this.

I’m a teacher and see and experience this daily and no it’s not acceptable. I understand we need to be inclusive but it’s now getting to the point that the ‘greater good’ is not being considered and put aside to make way for the increasing amount of severe SEND kids.

All children have a right to feel safe all the time. Yet many don’t because the environment is not right. These parents wouldn’t home school because it’s a respite for them. They probably can’t get in a special school because they’re academically okay. It’s not fair on anyone!!

I know I’ll get shot down for this but I said what I said.

Bravo to you for saying this.

Parents won’t home educate their children (except some of them will!) because all children have a statutory right to education. All of them.

If the LA needs evidence that you can’t meet need, then unfortunately they’ll be with you until they get that evidence. Why should we take our kids out of an education that they’re entitled to.

SEN parents quite often also have those things called jobs. To feed and clothe said children. So unfortunately can’t stay at home all day because you don’t want them in school.

I would just tell my child keep away from him and do nothing else. Sen or not , that level of behaviour isn’t something I would want my child around.

Why doesn't OP home educate her child? Then she will definitely avoid children with SEND.