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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

368 replies

Editormedi · 15/09/2025 16:14

Am I being silly or is this worrying?

So at drop off this morning I saw something that really unsettled me. There’s a little boy in dd’s class (year 1) and when his parents brought him in he completely lost it. I mean properly lashing out. He was kicking his dad hard in the shins, screaming at his mum to “shut up” over and over, trying to smack her face. It went on for a good few minutes and everyone in the playground was watching. The parents looked mortified but also a bit helpless, like this wasn’t the first time.

I know kids can have meltdowns and off days, I’m not judging that. But I have to admit it really worried me. If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc? Dd is quite quiet and gentle and I don’t want her to end up on the receiving end.

Part of me thinks I should just leave it, it’s none of my business. Another part of me feels like I should say something to the teacher, or at least try to make sure dd keeps her distance. But I don’t want to be unfair on a 6 year old either, maybe he has SEN or something going on at home.

I just can’t shake the image of him hitting out and the thought of him doing the same to my dd makes me feel protective.

AIBU? Should I just ignore and stop overthinking, or would you mention it to the teacher? Handhold please. Flame me if I’m being PFB/OTT, but I came away really unsettled.

OP posts:
hoarahloux · 15/09/2025 16:17

You saw a snapshot. You have no idea what went on that morning beforehand or what's going on in that little boy's life.

It is unsettling to watch a child behave that way, but you have no way of knowing the wider situation. Your child has been in class with the boy for two weeks now - or longer if they were in reception together. Has anything happened to her? This is a 5 or 6 year old child. Saying you want your child to stay away from him is not productive.

Just2 · 15/09/2025 16:18

Withdraw her then? 🤷‍♀️

You won’t though

So there is literally no point to this thread whatsoever

Coffeeishot · 15/09/2025 16:19

I am sure the school are aware of any issues the little boy has. What are you going to say ? Oh excuse me i don't want my dd near that horrendous child ever so you must at all costs keep her away! You are being ridiculous!

sunshine244 · 15/09/2025 16:19

Yabu. Kids almost always show their worst behaviour to their parents. Probably overwhelmed and struggling with school- possibly with ASN too.

UsernameMcUsername · 15/09/2025 16:20

I'm guessing that the school are sadly very much aware of the issue(s). Its very unlikely to be a one off. It also may not impact your DD at all. She may never have an issue with that particular child, whereas that girl over there you would never suspect could turn out to be a massive issue in her life.

But no, its not normal behaviour unless SEN are involved and I do get why its unsettling. You'll be roasted on here though!

Allswellthatendswelll · 15/09/2025 16:21

Yes YABU

It really is none of your business unless he's hurting your DD or at least disrupting her learning. The school isn't going to give you information about the SEN status of other children.

Children often act vastly different in school to at home anyway. As you say children do have tantrums. DS has had some terrible ones (he is younger) but would never have behaved like that in preschool.

hotelinfo · 15/09/2025 16:21

Why would you say anything - sounds like the whole playground saw the incident. The teachers are bound to be aware and you will just end up looking like a busybody.

FuzzyWolf · 15/09/2025 16:22

That child was probably massively overwhelmed and anxious about going into school and took it out on his safe people. The likelihood is that he holds it together at school and that mask is exhausting.

Stop being so judgemental.

Just2 · 15/09/2025 16:23

This reply has been deleted

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DeepLimeBird · 15/09/2025 16:24

I remember when my youngest started her new primary school after we moved house she was so upset and lashed out in the same way.

Thank goodness there didn’t appear to be any parents like you around and she’s grown over the years to be a lovely girl who is well liked by both teachers and pupils!

DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 16:25

Child doesn’t want to go to school and is angry at his parents for sending him in. I live near a school and see this often.

friskery · 15/09/2025 16:25

The teacher isn't going to keep your child away from anyone OP.

If you don't want your child to have contact with other children who might be struggling or have SEN, you will have to keep her at home.

FuzzyWolf · 15/09/2025 16:26

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Same.

Avantiagain · 15/09/2025 16:26

You would be unreasonable to talk to the school about this. Be sure that your daughter knows that she can talk to you about anything she is ever worried about in school and leave it at that.

Original poster
Editormedi · 15/09/2025 16:26

Thanks everyone, I hear what you’re all saying. Maybe I did just see a snapshot and I am overthinking.

I know I don’t know what’s going on at home for him and of course I wouldn’t go marching into school demanding they separate the children, I’m not a monster. It just really shook me in the moment and made me feel protective. Dd hasn’t said anything bad about him so far and you’re right, if she hasn’t been hurt or upset then I probably need to let it go.

I guess I was more looking for reassurance that I wasn’t the only one who would have found it unsettling. I definitely don’t want to be seen as a busybody or judgemental.

Handhold accepted, thank you.

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 15/09/2025 16:26

Whatever the issue is, I’m sure the school are aware. So I’m not sure what you think you’ll be adding, the teachers will already be doing anything they can to prevent him hurting other students if that situation arises. If he has SEN, they’ll know because they’ll have observed it. If he’s a violent little git, they’ll know that too.

FuzzyWolf · 15/09/2025 16:27

DaisyBeatrice · 15/09/2025 16:25

Child doesn’t want to go to school and is angry at his parents for sending him in. I live near a school and see this often.

Right, and your qualifications and detailed personal information of each child in a similar situation is? Because ignorance doesn’t count.

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2025 16:28

I wouldn't say anything because school can't say if the child has SEN or anything like that to another parent anyway.

Just2 · 15/09/2025 16:28

Editormedi · 15/09/2025 16:26

Thanks everyone, I hear what you’re all saying. Maybe I did just see a snapshot and I am overthinking.

I know I don’t know what’s going on at home for him and of course I wouldn’t go marching into school demanding they separate the children, I’m not a monster. It just really shook me in the moment and made me feel protective. Dd hasn’t said anything bad about him so far and you’re right, if she hasn’t been hurt or upset then I probably need to let it go.

I guess I was more looking for reassurance that I wasn’t the only one who would have found it unsettling. I definitely don’t want to be seen as a busybody or judgemental.

Handhold accepted, thank you.

I don’t think anyone is holding your hand op

The Parents of the boy? That’s who I handhold with

WhiteNoiseBlur · 15/09/2025 16:28

There are (multiple) kids like this in every school. By the time she gets to state secondary school some of those tough-nut kids will be carrying knives, fighting, stealing etc. Obviously the majority will hopefully be reasonably decent, but it’s inevitable that schools reflect the mix of people in society as a whole. When I was at school I saw plenty of fights, people being spat on, bullying etc. It was a really good school as well and a lot of the kids were ok. I guess what I’m trying to say is, these people exist. She might as well learn now how to exist alongside them now.

friskery · 15/09/2025 16:29

Editormedi · 15/09/2025 16:26

Thanks everyone, I hear what you’re all saying. Maybe I did just see a snapshot and I am overthinking.

I know I don’t know what’s going on at home for him and of course I wouldn’t go marching into school demanding they separate the children, I’m not a monster. It just really shook me in the moment and made me feel protective. Dd hasn’t said anything bad about him so far and you’re right, if she hasn’t been hurt or upset then I probably need to let it go.

I guess I was more looking for reassurance that I wasn’t the only one who would have found it unsettling. I definitely don’t want to be seen as a busybody or judgemental.

Handhold accepted, thank you.

I think most people would just feel some empathy for the child and parents having such a tough morning?

FuzzyWolf · 15/09/2025 16:30

WhiteNoiseBlur · 15/09/2025 16:28

There are (multiple) kids like this in every school. By the time she gets to state secondary school some of those tough-nut kids will be carrying knives, fighting, stealing etc. Obviously the majority will hopefully be reasonably decent, but it’s inevitable that schools reflect the mix of people in society as a whole. When I was at school I saw plenty of fights, people being spat on, bullying etc. It was a really good school as well and a lot of the kids were ok. I guess what I’m trying to say is, these people exist. She might as well learn now how to exist alongside them now.

What an ignorant and judgemental post.

SparklingRivers · 15/09/2025 16:30

Our nephew has sen and when younger would lash out at his parents like that (particularly things like dropping at school or leaving places he was enjoying as he struggled with transitions).
As far as I'm aware he never hit another child past preschool age, our DD is a year younger and he would at times fall out with her when younger but would lay on the floor crying or run out of the room rather than getting aggressive towards her.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 15/09/2025 16:30

Sounds like he has SEN. I am sure the staff aren't exactly going to let him just attack her.

Skybluepinky · 15/09/2025 16:30

You can ask but school don’t have to comply.